It seems tht everything is turning black to me, I feel that i’m getting into a darkness that I can handle it… I feel broken, the this that were precious to me, they’re all gone, I’ve realized that I hate myself, I can’t do anything well, my mom tells me all the time that I’m useless and I know that it’s true… Honestly I write all the time but I can say everything that is in my head. Lately I’ve felt so angry and I can’t get out all that anger from my body, I don’t know what to do, […]
Tag:
black
I came to the forest to determine why. Why life? Why death? When depression sucks you down like the Le Brea tar pits, you can no longer see the ground warmed by the morning sun. You see those who have come before you mired in the sticky, intractable black ***. The skeletons of those who didn’t make it are all around you. Charles Boyer, Vincent van Gogh, Sylvia Plath, Ernest Hemingway, Virginia Woolf. Robin Williams, so close, you could almost touch him. A delicate balance…when pain exceeds coping resources.
For the prosecution:
– 41 years of depression
– Crimes against humanity committed to me
– Committed […]
I hate myself. I hate my mind. I hate how it warps my sources of happiness into sources of anguish. All of the people and passions that made life worth living now make life unbearable. I can’t trust anyone, not because I’ve been hurt, but because I am paranoid and afraid. I don’t want to disappoint them or make them hate me. Because my mind is so twisted, I will take their most minute actions and scrutinize them…fabricate reasons why they might hate and despise me. I tell myself my family only stays with me out of pity. I tell myself that former friends are […]
Hello my name is Jeff black, the truth is people have the right to do what they want to and freedom comes at a price,
anyway well I have changed my mind on how I feel, it comes to my attenstion that’s life isn’t worth chucking away,
to be honist, things happen to people that make us wake up some times, to I still think people have the right end their end own exsitence if they want to yes, but that doesn’t mean that happiness is impossible to find,sometimes it can be found when we least expect it,
anyway good luck to people on this […]
Because we all deserve to live. It does get better man. It really does.
I’ve only been to one therapy session before. It was rather recent–maybe two or so weeks ago. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I made the appointment in a moment of desperation (I tried to interact with a person and it didn’t exactly work out). I though that instead of crying and cutting over it, I would be appropriate and handle my porcelain emotions carefully and not break myself. As soon as I called to make the appointment, I found out that I had to wait like 3 weeks. I lost it after I hung up and ended up cutting myself, […]
If you sit in a room … a dark room . No technology … nothing but black painted walls and you by yourself . You have time to think , to reflect on every little thing . As you listen to music ( for those music lovers ) it takes you to a totally different world . As if all that matters is you and what you are thinking about . It lets you escape into your own world . Everyone says you should try to nove forward … to move forward from those who hurt you , from the things that has happened in […]
I downloaded Metallica’s Ride the Lightning album last night after falling in love with an 8-bit rendition that was posted to Youtube. While washing the dishes this morning before work, I put the album on and was immediately taken in by the energy that the wall to wall sound of early Metallica radiates. Great album top to bottom, but the standout track is Fade to Black. It’s not enough to read the lyrics; you have to go listen to the song and hear Hetfield crooning to really feel the weight of the words. He had this to say about recording the track:
“I wrote […]
Have you ever had one of those nights. When you have it up to there with everything and you just wish you can just put a gun to your head and pull the trigger. Tonight is defintaly one of those nights I’m so ticked off to the point that i cant even concentrate on my work. Well guess I’ll go listen to some music on my headphones till i black out.
Hope you guys are having a better night than I am.
Peace!
Dire deepest in darkness
I have no more left
Is there only one left
Who am I and who are you
Are you from the underworld
Indeed we are from hell
But there is only one
Heaven is lost on Earth
I am the Spawn, I am here to save
The chain, one thousand year
First I need to die
In your black robe, can you be
For me, The light and the scythe
Yet again, I don’t know why I keep posting here while I can just do it and get it over with but I got exhausted already of trying to hang myself over 10 times today exploiting the chance that my brothers are out and only me left home and I wanted to talk to someone about my failure. As much as I’m committed to dying I don’t want to feel so much pain in my windpipe (swallowing) while trying to hang myself. Maybe I’m doing it wrong? It’s partial suspension I’m attempting and by a belt. My larynx seems to be the only problem that […]
Its me and retrograde. I will never show myself. Black dog serenade; I go to spill my blood. The ultimate, a jazz that doesn’t play. There’s nothing now but a dead scream. A lamb to slaughter. Twenty minutes until the next. Oh, Mercury. I wanna’ dance, with the mushroom. No chicken bone, no’ no.
Why is we need to feel happy infront of?? We dont if we feel like there is no happiness then there isnt being in that black hole again is utter shit it makes you feel utter shit and i remember saying shit like “im never gonna be in that black hole again” or “depression dont take over you” but in reality it does and it will never go away and even though we can be happy there is always that feeling inside that tells us that we shouldnt be and that everythings my fault i hate it especially when friends arent there for you when […]
Fuck depression sucks big time, the only time I’m not depressed is when I’m drunk or asleep.
Take me to a better place lord I want out from my illness. Doing it as soon as I save up for an older style car. The pain free way until then, living out this rotten existence is the only way.
I can’t even get a job no motivation and when I did all I had was an increase in voices through the radio. Thought I was tough living as a schizophrenic but I’m not can barely function and all I want is alcohol and tobacco to make me feel […]
I am a 14 year old teenager, depressed and suicidal. I know this may sound stupid but does anyone know any pills that will make me pass out if I overdose? I am not exactly trying to kill myself, just a way of revealing my pain to my parent without having to actually talk to them, but let’s just say I wouldn’t care if I died overdosing.
I know I will receive lots of “don’t do this” “you don’t deserve life” and “you’re worth it” but I don’t believe any of that. I hate my life and myself so much, I don’t think anything or anyone […]
Live, or rather, stuck on an island. No way to get back home. Was sitting on the beach last night. Early morn. Dark and deserted. Stars filling the wide sky. No real waves, just little ones lapping the shore, coming in from the black sea. No lights, no people no boats. Just me and my longing to see my daughter one last time in more than a decade. How I wish i could live. How I wish I could die.
Just walk into the dark waters. Just keep walking. Nobody there that will see, hear or rescue you. JUST FUCKIN WALK YOU FUCKING COWARD!!!!!
But planning is far from actually having the balls to kick the chair.
Swallowed some Xanax, snorted some Clonex, but I’m still restrained to this life, stuck between the living and the dead. The clock strikes three and the sky never seemed darker. It’s time. I am becoming. My soul turn black, my eyes hurt and I’m raped all over. It starts with the stomach, then it goes to the throat and eventually squeezing my skull until my ears are bleeding and my eyeballs hanging outside their place.
It doesn’t matter where I am. As long as I am in my soul, like a body, I’m me, and I’ve […]
i havent cried in over 4 years, but after she told me she loved him and not me, i lost it. i felt like i had no control over myself, i started cutting my hips with a knife, i stopped after 8. i cut as hard as i could. she called the police because she didnt know what to do. i had to lie to them and say it was a misunderstanding, but the moment they left, i broke down into tears. tonight was a perfect night. it was pouring outside, pitch black out, i literally stood out there for over an hour. now im […]
The weight on your chest never ends.
He is the beginning,
He is the weight,
Physically crushing,
The pain follows,
Heavier than he was.
The black hole in your chest,
Ripping your insides apart.
The cuts are the closer,
The release and the cause simultaneously,
The blood runs,
You get one true breath in,
The weight returns
You know its not the end,
Tomorrow he will be there.
He will find you.
The weight will never end