I downloaded Metallica’s Ride the Lightning album last night after falling in love with an 8-bit rendition that was posted to Youtube. While washing the dishes this morning before work, I put the album on and was immediately taken in by the energy that the wall to wall sound of early Metallica radiates. Great album top to bottom, but the standout track is Fade to Black. It’s not enough to read the lyrics; you have to go listen to the song and hear Hetfield crooning to really feel the weight of the words. He had this to say about recording the track:
“I wrote the song at a friend’s house in New Jersey. I was pretty depressed at the time because our gear had just been stolen, and we had been thrown out of our manager’s house for breaking shit and drinking his liquor cabinet dry. It’s a suicide song , and we got a lot of flack for it; kids were killing themselves because of the song. But we also got hundreds and hundreds of letters from kids telling us how they related to the song and that made them feel better.”
I’m one of those “kids” who felt better after listening to the song. I feel totally alone in the world, unable to truly connect to anyone other than the man in the mirror. My life is a mish mash of apathy, anxiety, boredom and psychedelic drugs. Nihilism has become my religion and (other than narcotics) is my only solace in life. The meaninglessness of existence empowers me to keep going, to keep looking for some semblance of happiness. I was raised to believe that judgement from on high awaits all those who pass from this mortal coil, but now that I know it’s all rubbish, I feel free to do and say and live the way I want to.
What makes me happiest is being at home alone, surrounded by a cornucopia of narcotics, and zoning out in front of the TV. I sometimes daydream about having someone to talk to, but most people talk to much, and the quality of their words is pretty low. So I send text messages to my few friends if I have a funny comment to make or an interesting observation. I have no long-term use for people or much anything else that exists outside of my apartment door so my list of worries is pretty low.
This is my life of solitude. People don’t make me happy so sequestering myself is the logical conclusion. I’d like to write some books, the typical hermit thing to do, but I’m so deep in nihilism that I really can’t be bothered. anyway
3 comments
My favourite Metallica song. Love the band but this song means a lot to me. The version I love was recorded at a Moscow airport in 1991 with a crowd estimated to be anywhere between 600,000 and 2million. They rose to the occasion and played their hearts out. Sandman and Creeping Death also sounded mighty at that gig..but Fade to Black gives me goosebumps and I nearly cry every time I hear it cuz I can relate to it having attempted suicide 3 times now.
this song saved me from suicide a couple of times. it describes being depressed and suicidal so accurately and it’s amazing.
What a treasure!!