so today im not shure good day yes frat with sreess
me and mum fell out over nothing i cut badly im worry about my gf cheeting on me and not talking to me and why is she not talking to me i take £5 and gtfo find a frend to bring me up met a girl robyn shes nice iv helped her befor she was going to this party that i had beentold by mum not to go to i think to my self for a secions you whent to jamaca so cal and colarado (sorry to any ameracans for buchering names) and all befor […]
Does anyone ever have the feeling that suicide is just a bad day away?
Sometimes it’ll hit at the weirdest moments, like I’ll be re-edging a knife and once it’s sharp enough to shave hair my mind will skip a beat and suddenly I’m imagining what it would be like to just slice open an artery with it. Not the wrists (too cliche, and I feel it would take too long…plus they can cut the bleeding off at the wrists if they find you in time), like the neck or under the armpit somewhere that’ll bleed quick and can’t be undone. It scares the hell out […]
I was married for sixteen years. I have three sons. I have three degrees. I have also lost everything in this world that mattered to me. I can’t see or visit my sons because I can’t afford it. I am in constant pain with a bad neck and back. The most painful thing is that I lost the only woman I ever truly loved nearly 30 years ago. I lost the second woman I loved two years ago. Without love, what is a person? I keep dragging this reminder of the thin edge of life and death across my wrists every day or so. One […]
I am tired of being an incest survivor with no family or partner
Watching myself age alone
Feeling helpless and trapped
So much pain, no God to care, no man to care,
Nothing but SHIT
Worst of the worst
Never did drugs either or drank to excess
The world is nothing but PAIN
My heart feels like it is bleeding inside and out
Yes, I want to die, all the time
I am just tired of it all now
Life is hell with ptsd
HELL
Forgive me Lord
Oh yes, religion if hell too and the guilt
All
So there I was. Laying in the cold water in the tub holding my arm. So many cuts, but none of course would have do exactly what I wanted. Yes, I’m talking about me dying. My thoughts on just laying there bleeding out came across my mind a lot. It wasn’t how I wanted it. I wanted to go fast and simple. Never knew how I would do it exactly. As more and more tears ran down my face the sickening feeling I kept getting in my stomach. So I attempted to drown myself, yes it sounds silly. I laid under the water still surprisingly […]
But still, I hate when I have dreams so vivid and real it’s like I’m seriously there. I could feel everything last night in my one particular dream. Feeling the slice and stab of the knife as I tried defending myself. That after-the-fact pain, the bleeding. I could see the bleeding. It was so real, the way it seeped down my side and soaked into my shirt. I strangely enjoyed that.
Self harm withdrawal? Medication side effects? A combination of both? Who knows.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VjTG21T8aU
My family suck. Mostly my mom though. They are full of empty promises and bullshit reasons to hit you or ***** you out for something stupid. Like today for example, I was walking around this glass table outside when my dog, who was with me, freaked out and pushed the table over. My mom gets angry and blame me for the table being broken. She hit me and started saying things that just hurt, especially when it’s coming from FAMILY. She cared more about ten old table that’s about 7 years old then me bleeding and hurt. Like it’s a table. She was talking about […]
These aren’t just the sorrowed stories of failure and loss..
These are cries of the war we live! The fight to be more! The battle for what’s right! These are the violent screams we leave behind for tomorrow! With words sharper than razors, to cut deep into our wasted faith, bleeding out from who we once were, to scab over the person we so desperately desire to be!
We breath, we bleed, we sing… we sing till there is no song to be sung!
”Why are you measuring me? Thank you sir, but I don’t need a new suit.” – He’s the undertaker…
– I ran into your ex today…. with my car.
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I WANT TO DIE. Right fucking now. It never gets any better I swear. My soul is bleeding from exhaustion. I am so tired, so bored of trying. I can’t take it. I want to close my eyes and never wake up. I’m just waiting for the right day to do it. I can’t take another winter. Fuck this […]
wanting to be alone and not saved…
Saved from what? ourselves?
Are we the ones that caused this?
do you think i wanted this?
we all get judged for the cuts on our wrists
the scares that remain after the bleeding and pain…
why do you think we’d do this to ourselves?
just because we want attention?
cause we’re weird?
has it ever crossed your mind that maybe there’s a reason behind these scares?
well maybe it should…
maybe you should think about it before you judge …
before you look down on the girl that always wears long sleeves …
before you turn your […]
The darkness consumes me
Like an infection to an open wound:
I was never treated,I was never healed.
Scabbing up and bleeding again,
When will it stop, when will it end?
Darkness brings what daylight fears,
The contagious sorrow that I’ve felt for years.
The cries for help, but no one hears.
The lies of smiles, when really I’m in tears.
This terrible free fall I’m in right now:
I’m scared of hitting the ground, but know I never will.
“Just be strong, I need you now” he said..
But where was I?
And why must he be dead..
I don’t understand, I just don’t […]
As you can see I’m still here.I’m doing worser than I was the last time I came on.On the bright side right now when I was trying to get the razor outta the shave thingy I cut the shit out of my thumb!!Talk about bleeding,not In the mode to cut anymore.Does anyone even care??Is anyone even reading this??If SP had followers would I even have edleast five followers??Nope.I “never” have nothing Important to say.Who the fuck Is Carlos??Am I the only one who says there name on here??See what I mean,nothing Important.Dude I’m just another face feeding these uglys out here,why you think I’m up […]
This has been the longest weekend ever.
Everyday, something disappointing happens. And it just adds to the problems she already has.
Today is Sunday. A day that is meant for rest before the new week begins. But she cannot rest, in fact she is restless…and this is the most restless she has been since she started considering suicide.
A moment ago she picked up a pen and then stared at her wrist. She thrusted the  point of the pen to her wrist, but stopped before it hit it. “What if I just punctured it. And started bleeding to death.”
With the news she received yesterday, she just can’t take it […]
This might be a trigger to some, so beware
Honestly every time I cut it just gets everywhere. all over my arms, my hands, on the paper I use to smear crude words with the red stuff. it sticks to everything too. yet I can’t seem to bleed enough. I want to bleed more. but every time I cut deep enough to keep a decent flow it hurts like f***….but I still do it. I don’t do it for the pain either.
I think I just associate blood with death…like cutting and bleeding is as close as I’m going to get to death since I really […]
Humans aren’t born with an innate sense of fear, we’re taught to fear things in life. I fear knives and falling; and for that very reason opted to not take my life that way. But bleeding to death and falling from a significant height is not only fatal, but you pass out relatively quickly or die instantaneously. They’re methods that I’ve been avoiding because of my stupid fear of driving the knife through my abdomen or free falling to the ground. Fuck the plastic bag and struggling! Fuck the tight closet that is completely useless! I’m going to stab myself and whether I become […]
ive sat in this tub for hours trying to figure out a way to tell you. im sure you are confused as to why i did this to myself. Ill start out with school. I get bullied constantly. everyday im there. i get teased for how i dress and look. how i act and more. I came home crying almost everyday but you never seemed to care. you always told me that it would get better. well 5 years later it never got any better. it just got worse. from a scratch to blood all over my arm and floor. here i lay in a […]
I don’t know why she won’t let me leave, the schooling that I’ve had hasn’t taught me to write. I will never be able to talk again, either. Sometime ago, right before we moved out to wherever the hell we are, I had managed to escape the place we lived and ran. I never made it far. Maybe two blocks down, she grabbed me (this is about 3 am) dragged me back to the house and tied me down. Then, she continued to drug me and said ” This is gonna hurt but try not to get blood on my shirt would ya?” She took […]
My ex blocked me on fb again. This is the fourth or so time. This time I didn’t say anything. I really didn’t. Its all because I typed “k” instead of “ok”. He didn’t give me time to explain that I had to type one handed, with my non dominant hand, or that the reason was that I was trying to stop the bleeding because I fell off the wagon yet again.
i feel like I’m walking into a sacred temple of sorts and I’m defiling the marble staircases just by stepping onto them. If I walk past the oak doors and into the cathedral, the stained glass windows will shatter and the pillars will crack and crumble at my undeserved and unwanted entry; i have no place here, I’m barely lost. I am a wandering destruction.
I wrote something a few days ago, and i’m sharing it here, now.
“To the Readers”
Slip.
You slip and nothing is as it should be; the world around you is but an endless dream, a mere coffee stain on your notebook […]
Twisted and ill thoughts,
Shallow breathing,
Slit your wrists,
Forget the bleeding,
Go ahead, pull your hair,
A few more dull razors,
The memory is still there,
Close those big shiny, brown eyes,
They’re still watching, just in disguise,
The nightmares still haunt you in your dreams,
To all your monsters, you’re just a puppet on strings.
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