going to fail A-levels –> have no opions if i cant get to uni –> dont have a passion to take as a degree –> my two ‘bestfriends’ are now in smitten ‘grown up’ relationships and have abanoned me –> my mum is so depressed she wont accept that i also have depression–> i have so many scars on my body that i will forever be wearing jumpers –> my savings are being used to keep the family house from repossession –>i dont have the motivation to try anymore –> no motivation to live, no motivation to die.
Tag:
body
nias
Why do I keep saying soon but never now.
My problems are never going away so why do I keep putting off my suicide, why do I keep saying I’ll just do this or that first. Do I really want to die? well, yes and no; yes, I’ve had enough of my depressing life and this world, but no, I still wish things could work out for me, how can that ever be though, I’m an ugly, paranoid, stupid waste of space. I’m stuck with depression and social anxiety, and the cause of said problems, a body that, due to toxin build-up, has created something horrible […]
give me intimacy
love me without touching me
cuddle me every night as if the night is our last night together
love me through your lips
make my eyes close and my mind forget everything, even my name
make me forget to breathe because all im focused on is you
make my breaths ragged from your mouth
make my knees weak from your voice telling me im ravenous
make me swallow hard as i try to remember what it felt like before this, but even then i cant and will not because youre too good
make my hair messed up and crazy as your hands […]
I don’t want to die with myself becz my parent’s love me, but now situation is not in my control. i want to do lot’s of stuff but i can’t every time i try to do new thing just someone remind me that what i can’t do. i screw many thing in my past i want to fix them but i can’t because i don’t have enough strength to stand. i am weak, i pray to god please give me some strength, but nothing work.i am just crying and try to harm my body. please god give your worst hazard to me so that i […]
I don’t even know what to say. But, I do believe that it wouldn’t matter even if I did know what to say.
I am surrounded by people, but I am alone. I have to bear the unbearable psychic pain with no relief in sight.
I am so terribly sad. I don’t understand this world. I don’t fit in here or anywhere. I am a freak.
I attempted suicide a few years ago. What brought me to that attempt was that my soul died and all that was left of me was my fleshy shell. Suicide seemed to be only the next step; kill the body that used […]
With the new year fast approaching I thought it might be interesting to engage in a little fantasizing. A bit of a fantasy never hurts now and then and it can sometimes tell us where we are grounded and where we are not. So here goes. Just answer the question in a million words or less…
If you were approached by the devil and offered a price to sell your soul into eternal damnation, what would you want in return?
To offer some food for thought, I was contemplating something like this: Being returned to the year 1969, with a 20 year old body, one billion pounds […]
at least thats how i feel, this is probably selfish, if not mean of me to even think, but hes wrong. everything is always worse to begin with but it can get better. if he isnt willing to get help hes gonna end up putting a weight 10x the one hes scared of on everyone’s shoulders. he won’t get better till he gets help. and until then hes a corpse waiting to happen. i need him to get help. i had to do it when i felt like i couldn’t. he’ll always feel like he can’t until he does. once he does he’ll see the need to. his family can’t feel the weight yet but i can. […]
23rd is my day now guys.. I won’t bore you anymore with my posts. No one can never get used to such condition I’m in. I wish I can say I’m happy now that I finally figured out how to end it but.. I just wish my mom didn’t come back to see this, even she understands that I can’t live for her, she told me that. I’ve been trying lately to sort of make my mom hate me to make it easier for her but it only works for a little while then I feel like an asshole and automatically talk to her. It’s […]
The only thing we can count on in life is death…it remains forever loyal…friends turn into enemies lovers into haters summer sometimes feels like winter,you’re body betrays you, you’re mind deceives you…but death, death is a fate that no one can escape you can count on it
It seems tht everything is turning black to me, I feel that i’m getting into a darkness that I can handle it… I feel broken, the this that were precious to me, they’re all gone, I’ve realized that I hate myself, I can’t do anything well, my mom tells me all the time that I’m useless and I know that it’s true… Honestly I write all the time but I can say everything that is in my head. Lately I’ve felt so angry and I can’t get out all that anger from my body, I don’t know what to do, […]
To all of you who complained about the picture on my previous post.
IT IS NOT ATTENTION SEEKING.
It’s a way of showing people in what kind of trouble you’re really in. I wanted people to see that these are not just small cuts ob the wrist. These are literally wholes all over my body.
And let me clear some things for the people saying the picture is downloaded…
The pictures of self harm you find on the Internet are all real. Thise were all posted by people who do those things to themselves. So even if you did download a picture from the internet, you […]
God, if you are merciful, then Let me Die! How long can I bleed? My skin effuses rage, hate, anguish. I am a curse to my family. Pain sears my body. Rather than making a lasting contribution to humanity, I pray, Primum Non Nocere! Remove me so that Primum Non Nocere! She elicited a hairline fracture. A Trigger shattered the side. The vessel stands gaping, bleeding. Dying. Beyond coping resources. So tired. Is one more day of torture really success. “You’re doing so well, one more day.” Then I am loathe to succeed.
There’s something inside of me, I’m considered a dead man. I’m alive now, but i’ll try, again and again, and again. Because I can not stop. I’ve been completely consumed by this. I hate, everything. I’ve learned to hate myself, and now I can’t take that back. I ruined my life, numerous times, and I’ll continue to do so. It’s as if I no longer control my body. I’ll try again. Till I am no more. Considering that, I’m already dead. It hasn’t happened yet, and it’ll happen again.
I’ve been on this site a lot recently. I like it here, because it allows me to scream into the void of internet anonymity within a community of like-minded individuals who will essentially scream with me. If only our commonalities weren’t so awful, you know? If only this were a site for kitten enthusiasts or people with an overabundance of zest for life instead of, well, what it is.
I looked through some of the “My Suicide Note” posts, and it was surreal reading what people intended as their final words. It was even more surreal when they didn’t come back and say they’d failed their […]
hey every one I just want to tell this advice to every girl if you ever love someone it’s ok love him but don’t ever give him your body let him play with him ,because you will regret it after believe me . I know you will give him your body because you love him but he would be just playing with your emotions and passing his time with you . after he plays with you he would tell you simply (I can’t stay in this relationship) simply as if nothing had happened . and you would start crying in your bedroom and he would […]
I don’t feel like I’m human. I don’t subscribe to whatever it is you feel anymore. It all feels like it’s so far away from myself.
So what am I? I don’t even know. For 10 years I feel like I’ve just been imitating the personalities of other people, and that’s what I was; a shell around a void, just to try fit in, to feel like I belong.
Now all that has failed and crumbled away, just like the people. I feel only indifference or anger towards those I see or think about. Their words circle in my mind like torture constantly.
I think about what I would […]
NOTE: This is my personal story. Thoughts about antidepressants were from a slanted point of view of life at the time, and actually I’ve gained a little knowledge in how they actually help people. Trigger warning: this details pretty explicitly my first foray into self injury, as well as fragmented memories as they came about during this time of my life. I don’t appreciate glorifying suicide, and I intend to keep writing my experience on here as a hopeful path to something better than the urge to end it all. It’s disjointed, but it gets my point across how I want it to be.
In Vitro–2007
Ice […]
best ways to utilize a body you cant use anymore? preferably for other’s sake.
In a couple days I will turn 21 and when I do I’ll have fresh cuts on my body. I can’t help but look back on the long list of failures In my life. Yesterday at a fast food place strangers at the table next to me were laughing at me and I heard them say “he looks like the hunch back of Notre dam” and I cut myself a lot over that. On my birthday I have to see and know there are dozens of fresh cuts and old scars.
There isn’t enough time in the world to go into depth of how much I […]