23rd is my day now guys.. I won’t bore you anymore with my posts. No one can never get used to such condition I’m in. I wish I can say I’m happy now that I finally figured out how to end it but.. I just wish my mom didn’t come back to see this, even she understands that I can’t live for her, she told me that. I’ve been trying lately to sort of make my mom hate me to make it easier for her but it only works for a little while then I feel like an asshole and automatically talk to her. It’s probably the way I’m gonna end it too, partial suspension, that’s making it difficult for me.. if it’s just on the bed that would be far less dramatic. My mom has asthma and a cardiovascular problem, she difficultly breathes that’s what I’m most worried about. How I wish she wasn’t here and that this would be my first exposed attempt so I could do it in a hotel but fuck.. that is a day that will be hardly forgotten. Sometimes though you gotta think out of your body, probably because I had an OBE so I really know what this means, it’s when you realize and are aware of a lot of things and for me I always get that I have to do this for others and myself and what the reasons are. All suicidal people are in denial about something in order to cope with life until you are aware again, probably in your sleep. I will just end it here because my head is aching because of too much thinking. Check on me tomorrow please to see if I’ve made it I want to help others too and let them know if this has been successful. I will let you know if I failed.
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Do as you wish.. never forget.. nothing lasts forever. Even pain
Is there any way, flipnflap, that you can hold on for a while longer, or is this really it. Do you feel your mother is in a position to handle your suicide, you have to think of yourself, yes, but your mum does count, you always mention your love for her. If you are going to try, is there a way of pre-warning her before she finds the body to buffer any shock of visually seeing you. You know I have to add, flipnflap, that I wish you can push forward, even if the pain is there, I wish you could live with your condition. Have you exhausted all medical possibilities that are out there, finding a way to live with the condition. Sorry if I try to see something to keep you going when all you can see is a negative, but you may not see it yourself. Suicide is always a sad thing, and partial is difficult, and I wish you didn’t feel you needed to, wish you’d stay. I’ll be sad tomorrow, I’ll think of you, and wait to see if you’ll post again.
really wish you would reconsider. a loss of one is a loss to us all. peace, bro.
Your love and concern for your mother is evident in this post and I hope you will realize that alone is worth living for. At the very least, I do hope you will at least wait until after the holidays before taking any extreme action, as it is probably the worst time of the year to take your life in addition to giving you more time to consider what you are thinking. Best wishes.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
Flipnflap, I hope you don’t try, I know you want to, I understand, but please come back to SP, we’ll be here for you, you can talk to me, I’ll be here over the holiday period and looking out for your post, or email me if you want.