I’m on my six advil.I’m going slow so I don’t throw It back up.I feel kinda high,I hope It stays like that & hopefully I feel no pain.I’m sorry to everyone.Sorry I wasen’t good enough,I’m sorry for all the pain I have caused anyone.I’m sorry for everything.I’m crying right now cause I had dreams.I’ve always wanted a kid.Always always wanted a baby girl;(I wanted to name her Savannah Miranda Espinoza.Damn I feel the advils.I need to hurry up and get out the house If I do pass cause I don’t want my sister to see my body.Fuck Is this really It or am I just […]
This is going to sound ridiculous, but I don’t think my body was meant to last as long as it had. I tried to kill myself a couple of years ago and failed (obviously). I am currently in my first year of university, and a lot of my joints have been giving me increasingly more problems. It started with just my ankles, but now my wrists, knees and shoulders are paining more and more often. It’s as if my body it breaking because it was not meant to go on as long as it has.
I also see nothing in the future. All my ‘friends’ have […]
That moment.
That feeling.
That place.
You can feel yourself…
Alone.
Hot water
Running down your
Face.
Washing away the pain
The hurt
The filth.
The water pressure
Against your back
The feeling of both
Relief and loneliness
Every memory from that day
Running through your mind
Greif in your body
Depressed
The water burning the cuts
That is fresh
Overwhelmed in the moment
A place to be alone.
I do it because I have so much mental pain, I need to find a way to make it physical and get it out. So I abuse my body. I used to think I’d just do a few cuts here and there when I felt really bad, but now I do it almost every day, anywhere from10-200 at a time. It has taken over my life. I feel weird typing it; like, part of me is saying “no it hasn’t, you still have a life” but another part is saying “you’ve finally admitted to it”. I don’t know. I know this sounds stupid, but there’s […]
It’s been about 9 months since I’ve posted anything. I wish I could say it’s because things have changed and gotten better, but that’s not the case. Things have gotten worse. I’ve started cutting. A lot. Very few people know. It’s easy for me to hide it because I do it on my thighs and stomach. The only person who knows that I know in real life, is my boyfriend. He has depression and has been through tough times too, but he’s never done anything like this. I feel bad, because I know I’m ruining my body for him, but I still can’t stop. It’s […]
How long does it take to suffocate? Just wondering if anyone knows . If you dont know then please dont respond. Dont tell me not to do it or I have choices or im not trying hard enough or I feel sorry for myself. Ya every body goes through shit and someone always has it worse , still want to die so tell me what you know or dont please. I just wanna know how long it takes.if anyone knows I dont want advice I just want to leave this world I dont care. I dont have family or friends im alone so it wont […]
Why don’t people have the right to commit suicide? As soon as a person says that they are going to kill themselves all of their rights get taken away from them. It is their life and their body why can’t they kill them selves if they so wish? People have the right to abortion, that is also dealing with life and death. Generally people who kill themselves have been dealing with depression for years, wouldn’t it be easier for them to just kill them self? Who is to say it will get better?
I am most sure that today in the music scene talent and practice will get you nowhere, nor will it get you noticed by record labels or the fans the labels control.
Music has turned into a fashion show that has nothing to do with music.
I have come to the conclusion that my 16 years of classical training and practicing many different instruments has all been for nothing since I refuse to cover my body in tattoos, play hot topic dress up and crop my hair off at a weird angle. I am most sure if I did those three […]
I’m sorry, mom
I’m sorry, dad
I’m sorry, friends
I’m sorry, Family
I’m sorry, body
I’m sorry, mind
I’m sorry, teachers
I’m sorry, voice
I have failed all of you at one point… or every day.
Mom: I’m sorry I am not like my brother, I’m not made of gold and jewels. I am not skinny, smart, good looking, or good at anything. I am sorry I am failing school, I am sorry you are embarrassed to call me your daughter. I am sorry that you are ashamed to be in public with me because I am not thin like all the other girls. I am sorry I don’t do make-up and my hair, […]
Finally my baby is with me,
Prep all insurance, covered all form of debts.
Making a awesome home for him
Will spend all my time with him and leave with him.
Screw the Gods or anything resembling them.
It was my work, his effort, our promise that gave us some semblence of life.
Even its short i will live with him and follow him to the next.
Hopefully can be a father to him with a fully working body.
“What’s on your mind” what a way to greet someone a suicide blog haha.. I don’t really know what to write in this as I’m new so.. I guess I’ll start out by saying hi. my name is Kay (well that’s my nickname I want to stay anonymous just in case haha) Jesus I sound really happy or something when I’m writing this but I’m the complete opposite to happy which is what has led to me to this website. I’m an ordinary 17 year old from Ireland but I just have a lot on my mind. Right now I’m not in a good place. […]
Today is a bad day for some reason. Nothing happened. It’s just the depression is really hitting me today. I’m sitting here at work, bored out of my mind, which means my mind wanders, and I just want to go home and sleep. My body is so tired.
I don’t know what to write about. I was thinking about discussing depression. What is it? But I can’t think straight today.
I should go to the grocery store tonight. But I know when I get home I won’t. I’ll put it off for tomorrow. And when I’m lying around home tonight wondering why I have no food […]
I think this is the position, so many of us are stuck in.
A female figure sits blindfolded, as she calmly balances two swords across her shoulders. Behind her is a large body of water and above her is the moon.
The woman’s seated position, in combination with the crescent moon, recalls the High Priestess card, and we find a link as well in this card’s representation of the characteristic feminine strength of intuition. The woman’s blindfold and the sea show a necessity to rely not on immediate stimuli but on deeper thoughts and feelings, that […]
I feel betrayed and alone. I had a very close relationship (or so I thought) with my Higher Power. But, so much is wrong right now that is totally out of my control – my body is falling apart, all my friends are either gone or more than 1 days drive away, and I am so fucking tired and cold all of the time. I can’t remember a time since my ritual abuse (when I was a child) that I’ve felt this horrible. I used to say I had a problem with depression, but I didn’t. That was not depression. THIS is.
I have done everything […]
yes the world may be depressing and cruel.
yes people suck and will let you down, disappoint you, anger you, sadden you, and hurt you.
yes your own brain can become addicted to harmful substances and becomes astonishingly susceptible to psychological diseases that shorten your lifespan and ruin your body.
yes…….other stuff!
but thank God for the internet. where i can buy, look up, read, research, watch and communicate with just about anything at the click of a button.
thank you God for giving me the chance to live in the 21st century. also thank you for booze (thats been around for BILLIONS of years).
So I ruined it again….
I was doing so well….
Over a month without one single razor blade piercing my skin and tonight, out of all the nights, I started again.
I really wish this would just end.
I know it helps me feel better, but this is ridiculous.
This wasn’t your average cut either.
I carved a word into my leg…
And now it will most likely scar and be on my body for the rest of my life.
Good one.
I applaud you…NOT!
What can you say when life seems to just beat you down?
What can you say when it feels like you’re stuck with an unyielding frown?
What can you say when you body starts refusing to do what you ask?
What can you say when you mind gives you trouble with even a simple task?
What can you say when your family can’t seem to understand?
What can you say when things you took joy in now feels bland?
What can you say when you are no longer sure of what you can do?
What can you say when the thought of this will make […]
Alone don’t describe how I feel. Even be married and have kids. Alone inside me is always there. Tears and pain the world don’t see. My hand full of pills for my body to seek. Tired and dizzy May this be the last. Sunshine on a darkest soul. Barely able to get out of bed. My thoughts are my worst enemy. The smile on my face is to hide my troubles. Walk around with no emotions left. Everyday is a brand new breath.
I am lost. I can’t find my way. I’ve been gone so long that I do not even know myself. I hurt constantly. My body aches with sadness. I am empty. I feel nothing but pain. All that I loved I feel absence. Feelings missing where I know they should go. Pushing through the motions to be normal. To appear sane. I don’t understand me, how do you think you can? I am a shell of a soul, eternally meant to suffer. I crave to feel again. Those moments never come. I am less and less a whole but filled with pain and sadness. I […]
Hey guys, I’m pretty new here. So have patience as I try to learn how things work. Anyway, here goes my rant/story.
I don’t remember where I read it, but referring to the title of my post, this quote went along the lines of describing depression like a cold. The good food is there to eat, but you just can’t taste it. In the same way, the good in life is there, the beauty is there, but you can’t grasp it. I can see it, I can’t grasp it. And when I do, it’s fleeting. That hurts. It’s like I only exist now to please my loved ones.
I’m […]