I’m back in my hometown for the summer. It’s between the semesters for college, and I’ve been suffering the entire time. Is it odd that the moment I stop on the pavement I got a stomach ache? I couldn’t get a job and I’ve chosen to drop one summer class. Just from those two things, my parents think it’s reason enough to beat me. To scream at me. To call me ‘retarded’. They didn’t even pay for my classes. My grandmother left me money for college; from things like this… but they think that because I spent it on a class that I dropped, I’m […]
Tag:
Bonds
having a pleasant time high, home alone. i usually have better insight into me and my “distorted” thinking when i am under the influence. major insight of the day-i like being alone too much. i am having a hard time tolerating people. if i am around people i have to talk. and be fairly pleasant. after awhile i can’t keep the facade up-takes too much energy. easier if i just keep my mouth shut and smile. it has gotten to the point where i watch tv with the sound off. i read the subtitles. the chatter, the noise grates on me. what is going on […]
So, I’m not entirely sure what I hope to gain from this, maybe closure? I don’t know. Not even sure how this would give me closure, or what I need it for…
If I had to describe a depressed person, I doubt I would use me. Someone with a job, caring family, good friends, hobbies. Hell even my dog is great. Yet there is just all the small things. My job is lacking, and kinda crappy. My family… for lack of a better phrase, doesn’t understand me. My friends are funny, good to be around, but I wouldn’t say that any bonds are really there. It […]
I found myself writing earlier today in a notebook in the freezing cold as I waited for the bus to that would take me to work… The only reason I decided to write was so I could remember everything that was passing through my mind at the time. Reading back over it now, I’m steadily losing the will to fight with myself anymore again. I’m tired… I want to sleep and just not wake up… I know I don’t deserve that; it’s too easy, too peaceful…
I have a family I support solely, children I want to raise and a decent job by most standards, and […]
I have been lurking on this site for a while, and a few months ago I began to post some of my own thoughts here. Within a short span of time this site has begun to play a very important role in my everyday life. It has generated a wide-range of emotions from me, especially the SP-Chat.
Through this place I have experienced some of the happiest moments of my life while at the same time it has caused me much emotional and mental anguish. I’ve become quite addicted to visiting this site, reading posts, hearing the ideas and emotions people are expressing and learning from […]
I am still here. I have released this negative energy from me, for now. I still have my hiccups, and that’s normal. I’ve meditated and asked for love to fill my heart. I’ve asked for my heart to relinquish all forms of hate, guilt, and envy; because I have no room for those things. Most of all, I have begun to forgive myself for the loss of a dear friend. We all need ourselves to heal emotionally and spiritually. I have a dream of healing others…I want to save as many people as I can and pay my respects to those I could not…This is […]
Fly with me by Flyleaf is stuck in my head. It’s a good song, with a lovely voice.
written by RogueShadow1281
I sit here, reading stories and texting my beautiful cousin. She has begun to flirt with me, while everyone told me I should be asking for sex with my cousin as an ill-attempt for her to feel closer to me. I revealed my sexual fantasies and what-not to her, and she has begun to like me back. I feel high, for some odd reason. The term perma-fried is going through my mind meaning I’m always high, maybe it’s finally finding happiness.Â
I just hope that happiness lasts. I love her so much, I wish I could ask her to be my girlfriend. I would take her […]
hi, i just need to get this off my back, so heres my story. i am a skateboarder, i have a pretty good life from what everyone knows about me, but thats not actually true. im that happy kid that almost everyone likes, they go to when they’re sad, they go to when they need inspiration, etc. thing they dont know is how unhappy i actually am, its not the cut myself unhappy, im too much of a pansy to even think about hurting myself, i cringe at the thought of a cut from a razorblade, fuck that. thing is, i hate what i am, […]