No matter how many people try to argue the contrary, our society and culture thrives on superficiality, the idea that how we look quantifies our objective worth is the most widespread knowledge propagated and perpetuated. I was born with intrinsic ugliness, not quite deformed but my facial features are distinctly warped and exaggerated to the point of being undesirable and to be honest, quite repulsive. Naturally people are drawn to beauty – don’t even try to deny it. People are primarily drawn to celebrities because of their conventional aesthetic superiority to most people, if they have a good personality it is amplified and glorified, giving […]
It’s wonderful to be a little pawn in the chess game called divorce. I’m being fought over by both sides. I can only keep my sanity when I’m living with my dad. I’m an emotional crutch for my mother, a dress-up doll for my grandmother.
My dad is trying to make the divorce as smooth as can be. Basically, my mother’s side has to also be happy. And they want me. So he must surrender me in the process. I’m screwed. I have no fucking choice in the matter. I have to watch my four year old brother while doing online school work, wasting away in […]
Friends. Something I do have an abundance of, especially “friends” that I do not wish to be friends with. I was asked by one of these hanger-oner’s the other day why I never have parties and I never gave him an answer.
I have grown to hate him for asking that question.
I’ve put a lot of thought into this and I finally have an answer, an answer I’m not proud of.
I attended a party once hosted by my brother, it was a “out of school” party. The last day of school a bunch of my brothers mates were supposed to come over […]
Don’t read this if you don’t want to. I don’t expect people to do it. I just need to summarize the past months to see where I fucked up once again.
I started highschool, alone, like always.
People came to me asking why was I alone and if I wanted to be with them.
I befriended them.
I started meeting more and more people. They all seemed really nice.
Probably I fell in love with someone.
All my friends are “divided” into 2 different groups.
Group 1.
-The girl I accidentally fell in love with even when I know I will never accomplish anything.
-The girl’s best […]
ok so I am 14 years old and my whole life has been decided for me. What I mean is that my parents are controlling me and deciding my whole life and there is NO escape! It’s completely normal for all of this in the country I live in and 95% of the people from my country are the same but they just never complain and find it completely normal.. 🙁 some of my online friends told me “don’t worry you will be free once your 18” but no that’s not the case here. Here your parents will control you till you’re married (and they […]
What’s the stat? 50% of happy blushing couples end up in bitter divorce, right?
So…there’s prospects of a divorce, finally. For my parents. After 15 miserable years. She becomes increasingly self-absorbed, clingy, needy, sensitive. He becomes withdrawn, detached, bitter. He falls in love with another local woman, bubbly, blonde, a book-lover, confident, independent. I half-guessed that my dad was swirling around with someone else. It was inevitable.
It was wrong, yes, but I can’t blame him. My mother isn’t easy to live with. Actually, it’s pure hell. Don’t get me wrong, I do love her – many good traits, etc – but my mom and my dad […]
I lived alone with my brothers while my parents are living outside of country for 5 years. I miss the total privacy I had before doing all these attemps.. I used to lock my door and no one would even ask me why I did and I really miss that for a reason that partial suspension is my only way out.. could’ve taken all the time I want in my room to do it and get done with it with my room locked but I ruined this chance for myself.. I’ve done other attempts, ***** attempts (with pills) and now that my mom lives with […]
Loneliness is a disease, you see, i have a son, I’m divorced but i see him every week, my parents are dead but I have 3 brothers, they love me and care for me, and I love them, and I love my son, and I’m happy when we are together, but I feel so desperately alone, all the time I don’t think I can relate to anyone anymore, I left my ex-wife because I felt alone and sad with her, but I still feel alone without her, when I’m not working and alone in my house, I do nothing, I watch movies, I eat, but […]
This question has been really eating at me for many years now. I can remember myself way younger in 3rd grade asking myself the very question. I don’t talk about my thoughts or feelings to anyone, I have tried and been met with many different counter perspectives, but never one that actually saw what I see. I have had all the conversations already and know exactly how those around me feel, so I tend to keep my mouth shut as I don’t want to talk about it again and again.
But this morning I asked my dad what his purpose for living is. I’ve been thinking […]
Ever since I was little I dealt with a tumultuous relationship between my mom, my dad and my brothers. I’ve been abused my whole life. I use sex as a way to feel loved. I’ve had over 15 sex partners and I’m not even 18. I hate my brother most of all. He rubs his achievements in my face like he’s better than me. He makes fun of me cuz I had to stay back my freshman year of high school. I do recreational drugs to numb how I feel. But sometimes, I just want to die. I don’t want to feel anything anymore and […]
I thought I’d put my suicide note here. I don’t really wanna leave a note for anyone I know but I know I wanna leave some sort of note. Being a completely new member here allows me the chance to say anything without prejudice.
Ive suffered with mental illness all my life. One of my 1st ever memories is of a childish and feeble suicide attempt. I can’t have been more than 5. I’m the youngest of 6 brothers and I have the greatest mum in the world. Although my childhood was outwardly great I always knew something was wrong. I was a gifted child both […]
Life is just not what everyone else makes it out to be. I can have a nice home, a decent job and people around me…. But I am never happy or satisfied. Meds bring 2 or 3 short months of false contentedness. Then its gone.
Maybe I should explain my whole story:
I was born to pretty young parents, had 2 younger brothers. My home always seemed tense, and that lead to a divorce when I was 6. We went to live wih my mom; she soon found a new boyfriend who was an abusive, angry person. He drank, would explode in rage and beat up […]
So haven’t posted in a while and I guess it’s because things were okay. But since I can’t access my doctor right now, I ran out of my anti depressants and after two or three weeks of not taking my daily “happy” pill, I’ve sunk right back to where I was before. Have you ever felt like you’re body us literally screaming that it’s your time to die? That’s what it feels like now, but of course, a part if me flashes images of my brothers, my Lil sister, the friends I still do care about, and it says that if I die, I may […]
Yet again, I don’t know why I keep posting here while I can just do it and get it over with but I got exhausted already of trying to hang myself over 10 times today exploiting the chance that my brothers are out and only me left home and I wanted to talk to someone about my failure. As much as I’m committed to dying I don’t want to feel so much pain in my windpipe (swallowing) while trying to hang myself. Maybe I’m doing it wrong? It’s partial suspension I’m attempting and by a belt. My larynx seems to be the only problem that […]
Tonight, what can happen
Is the third’s one a charm
The dark Ouroboros amulet
One more hour until more
Please take me out, please
My cage thirteen
Take me through the Death Valley
One day through the City of Sin
Cosmic-purity forever chained
In white robe I walk, can you flow and follow
I hope that we can be brothers and sisters
The escape of a ghost
Underneath, the crunching tectonics
Twenty-four-seven, one in seven billion
My name is Celibacy, je suis putain, Albataar
But I know it’s just me but then what now
I seek the luminous, the nature, the glow
I will never touch, forever to […]
Most people will say I’m one of the most cheerful people around but the truth is I’m not a happy person and I haven’t been for quite a long time. Nearly 2 and a half decades of putting on a smile for people has left me exhausted both emotionally and physically. I’ve lost all motivation in my life, I just want to end it and the only thing stopping me is I’m too afraid of the truama I’ll cause my family, my brothers look up to me and I’ve only started getting along with my parents again. I know that living will keep them happy […]
If anyone takes the time to read this I really do appreciate it.
Well I feel as if the best place to start is as a child in my childhood I was a last born child having two brothers older than I my oldest being fathers one and only care and the second my mothers I wouldn’t say I was abused by them or ignored but when I tell other people about what happened with me they seem to think I was it was just stuff like my brothers do something they don’t receive punishment and I get the world thrown upon me and such and […]
Less than a year ago I decided to end my life the other day. I haven’t had a plan and haven’t thought about it much, or at least, seriously. But that day I woke up and felt ready. Finally.
I was supposed to go to my psychologist that day, but I was so frustrated to the fact that nothing changes. I’m still depressed. How exactly is it gonna help me talk about it?
I was on the bus on my way to the clinic and planned my little escape. I always carry with me enough pills to overdose. I call it ‘my suicide kit’. You know, for […]
Hello everyone, I’m 35, and I had deal with my fair share of depression since my teen years, but the crises didn’t last for long, but two years ago my mother passed away from cancer, my brother and I took care of her trough the whole disease it lasted for two years being the last 3 months of her life the most miserable ones, I tried to prepare myself to deal with her dying and the mourning phases but it has been already two years and the sadness keeps creeping up, it has been almost a month in which I have seriously contemplated the idea […]
Caring isn’t an option for me, as much as I hate to say it. I can’t just look at someone and ignore their pain. Yes, I may be blind to it at first but as it becomes apparent to me, I feel it as my own. And that’s the one thing I truly hate myself for. Because I’m incapable to hold a grudge or to sabotage someone because of something they did to me. Forgiveness comes easy- almost too easy at times.
I wish I could distance myself from people like people have done to me. Honestly, it would be so much easier and my […]