I have intentions to be productive for myself. I want to be helpful and do right, for myself and others. I like to impress and make people around me proud. I have a standard to live up to. My family expects my fullest respects, and endlessly utter my continuous responsibilities. My friends just expect me to be there. Usually I’m quiet, but if I’m around long enough most are bound to get a piece of my mind. After that I kind of just do what it takes to blend in. Even though I’m more than use to sticking out. The feeling is like: hope–To be […]
Tag:
Burdens
I’m not lost, I’m not in pain, I’m not under that much stress (22/m/In college), I don’t have too bad a life actually. My dad is unemployed so with my part time job I’m helping him stay afloat back home but I don’t mind. He wiped my ass when I shat my diapers as a baby and now I’m repaying him by helping him when he needs it. I’m not religious. I never understood the whole God thing. Not that I didn’t go to church. I really tried to believe, I wanted to believe, I just couldn’t buy into the invisible dude in the sky […]
I’m not sure which is worse…
The agonizing requirements of interacting with those who don’t understand…
Or the “dead spots” when there is no one available, with whom to interact.
I honestly believe that if i could just make enough money…
If i could establish some sort of reliable method of generating income…
If i could “fix” just enough of my problems that i could have my own sustainable existence…
Maybe then i’d be content to tolerate the rest of the misery, and able to focus on sharing complex ideas in ways that those who could find them useful, would be able to understand.
And so i frame my problem thusly, and […]
We carry the scars on our bodies everywhere we go. We carry the scars on our hearts. We carry the fear someone will see them, we carry the shame when people do. We carry pins, knives, razors. We carry bandaids & disinfectant. We carry a little kernel of hope that we will get out of this. We carry hearts so heavy they drag on the ground. We carry our bloodstained clothes. Sometimes we carry hospital bills for stiches. Othertimes we carry them for therapists. We are the burdens on our families, we are the misunderstood. We are the ones who people stay away from when […]
I fight and I fight…why do I fight!? I fight to live, I fight to breathe, I fight to eat, I fight to smile, I fight to be happy. Why am I fighting myself!? In this endless battle, I am always winning! I constantly win the battle, I fight for the right to hurt myself! When will my REDEMPTION come!? Why wont people understand the pain and hurt that I inflict upon myself!? It is not my fault, I do not consciously choose to harm myself. DO I!? I look to blame no one, yet the universe always finds a way to FUCK with me! […]
I’ve read many posts on this site, and the many responses that went with them. I realized that it was the same thing over and over again, someone is hurting and they reach out to anyone who might listen. Then those compassionate few who happens to stumble on the post responds. It’s like an endless cycle, you know? To all those people who are suffering, I just want to say I’m sorry that I can’t help you much. I honestly don’t know what to say to you, “Just stay in the game, it’ll work out…don’t give up”? It’s  not the most convincing advise. So, I just want […]
I’m in terrible pain. For the last 20 years, I have always had thoughts of suicide, but for one reason or another, didn’t do it. I have been miserable since high school. I have always been a loser, who was told so by his father, then his grandmother and by all his so-called friends who do nothing more than use me. I am nothing more than pen, when the ink runs dry, I’m discarded. Right now, I’m totally broke, have no friends and feel like I have nothing to live for. I’m beginning to lose my fear of taking the ultimate step. A few years […]
WHY?
That’s the only question I have for you.
WHY DID YOU DO THIS?
I can’t keep doing this, I don’t understand. Why would you make humans capable of love? It’s a horrid, horrid emotion? I don’t understand what we did to deserve this kind of cruel and unusual punishment. You made us in your own image, right? What, did you just have so much love in your heart that you had to give each and every one of us a bit of it, so that we could feel the pain you’ve felt in having to give up so much for us? Well, I’ll tell you one thing, […]
i dont want anyone to kill themselves. not me nether
like i said in a previous post “i dont belong”
wondering what life would be on the other side. lay down all my burdens. i picked up a knife and i cut my wrist so deeply i ended up in the hospital for 3 days. im now not even aloud to handle a butterknife without supervision so to speak. im not suicidal for god’s sake. im tired. if people would let me. i would leave. if people knew how i feel. they would know what i mean.
its like jogging for miles and stop and you have no […]
Now as I lie here asleep
I pray that not a tear you weep
For pain no longer burdens me
I know it’s hard to understand
How life can deal such a cruel hand
But so you know it’s no one’s fault
this was my own plan
So here I lie
Peaceful at last
I’m sorry that I just couldn’t last
This fight was too much for me to bare
So please don’t shed not a tear
For here I am at peace
Finally a restful sleep
Sometimes it may seem as thou i am alone in this world because it seems as thou no one else s in it with me but after watching the movie cyber bully i realize i am not alone there are other people like me out there so what i do is search the net for sites that give info on people like me and talk and relate with them and try to understand them as they understand me and make it known to my self that i am not alone in this world and even if it seemed as thou there are no people i […]
I lost my dear sweet son this morning. His body gave out on him sometime during the night. He was depressed, but lately seemed to be doing a bit better. He’d laugh, send me a silly text. Just little things…little things that mean even more to me on this awful day than they did just yesterday. We won’t know for a while what caused his death, but I wanted to express to all out on this website the pain that my baby’s dealth has caused so many. He was only 23, and such a bright, funny guy. He had a heart of gold; which was probably one thing that made life harder […]
I often see it. They say it’s supposed to be magical, make a wish. I keep wishing, yet nothing changes. I gave up hope long ago, not to mention I despise that word. A word tossed around by fools to reassure themselves everything will be okay. Nothing ever changes. I’m not too fond of people, I actually hate people really. It’s a cruel world with cruel intentions. There is more bad than good, but, then again, who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong? Society is the biggest pile of shit to ever exist. I don’t know what’s worse, the government or society itself. You […]
I have come so far! I started contemplating suicide at the age of 6! probably not an accurate number but i was that young. I am 25 now! I have cried so hard everytime i tried, but now there is a sense of peace that overcomes me when i think of going through with it. The only thing that makes me weep is when i think about the turmoil i will cause my 2 daughters. I am a great father. i wonder if i was a dead beat, would this be easier. Almost everything about my life makes me want to end it all. My […]