…I was scrolling through my fb news feed…and…they made a video and posted it to my wall, the gist of the viddeo is that
1.) I’m F.U.B.A.R (fucked up beyond all recognition)
2.) a dying freak.
3.) was bound to get cancer.
4.) I probably have herpes too.
and 5.) I should’ve passed out and fallen off the building that night…
:’)
Tag:
Cancer
They gave me a mechanical pencil, heheh i can cut with one, they are so clueless. well, I have added 9 cuts to my arm. I almost forgot I had cancer.
My life just took an 180º turn.. for worst.
So I had my appointment with the psychologist today. Needless to say that two minutes in and he was already giving me paper tissues. I was crying my heart out. I told him pretty much everything. Concentration problems, trouble sleeping, depression, lack of memories, suicidal thoughts (I explained I wouldn’t do it because of my mom tho). And according to him, I should had seeked help a long time ago, as now I am so deep into depression.
Result from appointment: Tomorrow I have another appointment with the psychiatrist so I can start right away taking antidepressives and […]
Guys I’m just so weak, and hopeless, I just want to die, even though the cancer will do that for me, I just want to die now…sooner not later, now.
Dear Cancer,
I’d like to tell you just how disgusted you’ve made me. You’ve invaded my body and millions of other people’s bodies. And then you kill them. Sometimes you decide to show mercy but only sometimes. Don’t you think you should spare the little kids, don’t you think you should spare the teens, the adults, the world??? Don’t you think that you could let them live their lives. Let me live mine? You’ve gotten enough haters, and I’m pretty sure the only people who like you is the nothing. Oh, exuse me, but why are you still here. YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!! YOU RUINED […]
I wanted to die differently, I want to drown, I want to OD, I want to shoot myself, anything but cancer! I’d jump, I’d hang, I’d chug, anything BUT cancer. I’d like to be hit, I’d like to drift off in my slumber eternally, I’d like to be stabbed, anything but CANCER. fuck cancer, fuck cancer, fuck cancer, fuck cancer, fuck it. I’m sitting in a stupid hostpital, in a stupid gown, with stupid food, stupid and overly chipper nurses, oh and don’t forget the cell enlarging body killing menace, CANCER. At first I thought they were joking, just lightening the mood somehow, “I’m sorry […]
Tomorrow I go in for surgery, If the cancer is still there next month they will try again but if it fails twice i’m going to most likely die. I’ve been wishing to die for so long now but now that there is a chance I will…god, i’m scared. And what makes it so scary was when I collapsed on top of the building i was about to jump off of, I didn’t expect to wake up and find out I have cancer. But I do, and i’m trying so hard to stay strong through it all but it is really really hard.
Wish me […]
It’s been a few months now and these feeling of harming myself haven’t disappeared. Everything started to pile up on me. My A levels, Uncle dying, Being ill and many other factors. The more I left it or tried to forget the more it grew like a cancer in my mind. I would sit and zone out constantly. Always thinking the worst things. A few weeks ago I finally broke down and told my family what I was feeling, probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Everything started to move along, before I knew it I was talking to a doctor about it […]
“your a peice of shit”
Y’know what, you can stop now, i get the point, i’m a stupid worthless waste of space. SO STOP.i’m not letting some low life people who think it’s ok to tell me these things ruin my future. so fuck you.
**now that i have that out of the way.**
I want to say that a few days ago I was letting go. i was litterally at the top of the building when out of nowhere I just fall down, I just black out. Turns out I have cancer. The hospital says they can remove it. but i’d have to go […]
15 years old and havin a shitty life im adopted my bio mom name is karen my bio dad michael left right after i was born i moved around alot my mom was always with abusive men and into sex drugs and drinking dcfs had to get involved when my mom was with this one man who physically abused me and shook me till i fell unconsciousness and i was only two years old i nearly died sometimes now i wish i did i was supposed to to me i sometimes think im gunna end up the exact same way as my momn middle school […]
I want to die so badly. There are thousands of other girls who are battling AIDS, cancer and other diseases, clutching to life, but failing, and there’s me, just crying and wishing that someone would slit my throat so I dont have to. Im just not good enough for anyone. Im not expected to have feelings, Im not expected to have wishes and needs, apparently I cant even choose my own high school elective courses, and after being screamed at about it, I am not expected to feel upset, they want me to be all smiles, hugging them and saying “I love you”.
Theres a […]
Hey everybody, I’ve been here off and on for a month or two. First off, I’ve met a lot of really good people on here. I think most of us SP users are really soft hearted and it’s easy to click with other people here. I don’t know why I’m writing this because I’ve made up my mind and I’m not looking for support or crying out for help. Hopefully someone out there that also feels like shit will read it and maybe get something out of it.
I’ve lost 3 people this year and my cat that I had for 7 years (I count that […]
You’re supposed to protect your best friend, right?
Make them feel better.
Help them get through the bad times.
But it can be pretty fucking hard to do sometimes.
At least, that’s what I tell myself. Im just absolutely ashamed of myself.
My best friend is dead.
I was supposed to protect him. Why couldnt I?!?!
They say God only gives you what he expects you can handle, but how am I supposed to deal with this? One of my best friends has cancer, and the other one is dead! God expects a fucking ton from me.
How could I let this happen? I let my friend slip through my fingers. He’s gone. and […]
   Something that I’ve learned recently is that when somebody very close to you passes away, the process of grieving that we human go through never really goes away and it can come back at any moment and smack you down hard.
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    On July 24th 2008, the day after my 23rd birthday, my dad was diagnosed with ‘Small Cell Lung Cancer’ and it was devastating to my family. He’d had a pain in his shoulder and when he had gone to the doctors they suspected pneumonia. With the confirmation of cancer, he was told they could not cure it but could prolong his […]
why do i feel like ending it but i feel happy ? i have vhl but i feel nothing about it (vhl is like a cancer gean that makes me prone to cancer) but im happy about it but for some reason i still wana end it when i have lots of ppl who care about me. is that normal?
Still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I wish I had never grown up. I’m lost and not sure I want to be found. It feels like I just exist. It doesn’t feel like I’m meant to do anything great, or really anything at all. I hate my job. I hate where I live, how I live. I hate who I’ve become, and who I’ve not become. I used to have hopes and dreams but now I just like to sleep and let my dreams take me away from reality. I don’t think killing myself is the answer though I […]
Im very young only 14 but you would never guess that Im 6 feet 3 inches and always was the big kid.  My parents sheltered me until i was 7 when my mother abandoned us.  I got depressed but i never let out untill my depression turned to rage i got into fights in middle school broke peoples ribs but got off the hook because i did very well in school one day i was blind sided and broke my foot that’s when i got introduced to oxycodone i got addicted it eased my pain and i calmed down i had to steal money from my dad to get the stuff I later  started regularly poping pills whether it […]
A black whole that sucks all of my energy, like a dark tunel, however there is no sign of any bright light at the end of it.
– That’s how I have been feeling for the past couple years.
Last year was the worst year of my life. My mom was diagnosed with cancer. I had never seen so much pain in my life, so much darkness. Even though I saw the light too, the strenght of one’s fight, all started being consumed by the darkness. Thankfully, everything is okey now, my mom has fully recovered. However, I feel like it just all hit me. I am […]
You know what would be wonderful? If I got Cancer and died. See I would reject Chemotherapy and then I’d die sooner or latter. Then everyone would talk about me after I died like I was such a wonderful person.
“She fought so hard”
“There was always a smile on her face”
“She could always make me laugh!”
Maybe my dad would finally show his face at my funeral…first time in almost 10 years…Or maybe my mom wouldn’t even tell him about it…My teachers would probably come. I was a very loved student. I hardly ever did my homework and I was failing most of my classes but they’d come…I’m sure of it. My reading teacher […]
me and my gf broke up about 3 days ago it wasnt just a normal relationship (9months ago i lost my mother to cancer) and this girl was the only thing that  could stop the void and heartache and i dont know i honestly feel lost…