I am not sure if this is a universal day that everyone celebrates/knows about, so I’ll just explain what today is. Today is Father’s Day and this day, along with Mother’s Day, is one of the hardest days of the year. What Father’s Day is, is a day focused on fathers around the world (I think it is around the world, if not I believe it is in North America at least) and their children and families treat these fathers with extra respect and love. Some people give gifts, or cards or just have a dinner with family. But for my family, we go all […]
Tag:
Cards
My best friend stayed with me for 20 days, We were high the entire time laughing and listening to the radio, and watching cartoons, when he left it smashed my heart in half I was just coming down and the whole thing felt like I time warped through it all. My plan was to kill myself after my friend left, I made the most of the time but now the moment is on me, it warped so fast I cant believe it. Even seeing the names of any shows I watched with him makes my heart clench up, He doesnt expect it, I didnt realize […]
I am a mildly-practiced person of above average clairvoyancy. I see things that most people don’t want to see. That they should never see. I know who calls before I pick up, I know what suit the first three cards in a deck are. I’m not kidding. My mind’s eyes has only scratched the surface of a fully open state. But that’s enough. Something is coming. Whether it affects all of us, or me alone, a tempête is coming. A huge disturbance. It is almost here. If it affects just me, why would I wait to die a slow death at the hands of Mother […]
I think I could be crazy,
I just might be insane,
I don’t exactly know why,
But now,
Life’s a game.
I make all the rules
But still I never win,
Though I take the heavy losses
With a smile,
With a grin:
I can see the pieces falling,
The deck is shuffled once again,
The other players all are stalling; everyone wants to win.
In boardgames, though,
A winner can only be one;
And that takes away all the smiles,
All the laughs,
All the fun.
Some people fall to cheating,
Or resort to plain dumb luck,
Though no matter what they’re feeding
Their desire to come out […]
I’ve been sitting long and hard trying to think of the words that would be just right and not hurt or upset anyone. I hope you know who you are, we’ve always been so connected in life, 2 halves of one whole, and I don’t think now is any different. If you’re reading this and its not aimed at you I hope you also take some consideration that I’m sure there is someone in you’re life who feels exactly the same way about you as I do about her.
I know you feel that there is no way out, but I’m here to guide you through […]
I know, it’s probably strange seeing an 11 year old on here. But my mother recently died. My sister hates me and bullies me all the time. I’ve been depressed since November 2011 but no one ever notices. It may be bad if i cut my self but i have done it. I’ve been trying to stop but its hard. I am getting there though. My sister talks to me like i am crap. She acts like i don’t mean anything. But I do. Ever since my mother died it hasn’t been the same. I miss her. I talk to her. I have been bullied […]
Where to begin is hard. Then again nothi ge come easy. I’m getting older and more mature obviously but to me, I think others see me as a child. I dont honestly think I’m suicidal. I couldn’t be. The outside looking in my life is complacently perfect. I would be viewed lucky by most. Friends, a loving girlfriend, well liked, two parents, grandparents, a job and not a lot but a reasonable amount of money. In reality though- my best friend is leaving me for a group off cocky self obsorbed pricks; we were close, always different but he was indeed my best friend. My […]
I made a fool of myself again. I belived someone who said they cared. That I understood him and was so nice. Then I was told that a relationship would nevet be in the cards. I’ve heard the same crap so many times, it’s sad. I must be an awesome friend because everyone of my ex’s wants to stay my friend. I’m hurting so bad. Each time this happens, I feel as if a little piece of me is torn away. I have chronic depression which means even at the best of times, I’m not in the greatest shape. I want to give in and […]
I feel so breathless…
All this runnin’ around
Tender traitor..with my cruel crown
My cards are on the table
I need
Real love…not some fabrication
Real love…not just indication
I know that suicide is not an option because I love to many people, and I do not want to hurt them. But the idea of killing myself becomes more and more attractive everyday. How unhappy I truly am is invisible to everyone that I love, and I am invisible too. I am so tired of being lonely and giving my all to people who do not care for me in return, and those who once did care about me go away eventually because I am not worth it to them. I try hard to make everyone around me happy but it never seems to […]
I was approached today by a friend about her supicion I was thinking about self termination. She lost her first husband to suicide and does volunter work for a prevention hotline a couple nights a month. I guess I was an easy read for her. It caught me off guard damn it and I stumbled. I confessed. What a stupid idiot I am. How could I have been so inept and careless!! It was a foolish liability to give away my desire/need. I hindered the time I had planned to make it so, by self sabatage. She offered to drive me to a hospital, like i would let that happen again. I […]
I feel like I make the same mistakes over and over again. I don’t learn. I hurt those who are closest to me, then I push them away to protect myself. It is a constant ongoing cycle. More than anything in the world I want to feel close to someone. I want someone to know what a broken mess I am, and still accept me. It’s just not in the cards for me. Three years nearly to the day since I’ve felt like this. I wish I could cry, but I’ve spent a long time coaching myself not to and now that I’d like to […]