Why is it so hard for me to let people in? Why do I put on a mask and hide my emotions? I can almost feel a curtain come down, blocking my soul from whoever may be there.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel stuck,trapped oddly enough by my family. My husband has too much at work, and I don’t know how my kids would handle me having a second stay in the hospital in one year. That’s why the permanent solution keeps rolling around in my brain. Just be done with all of this. There’s a […]
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Caretaker
I want to do it. One of my friends doesn’t socialize, and sits around playing video games all day. My other friends are self-absorbed and don’t talk to me anymore because they don’t like to listen to me when I have a problem. I hate my job. I can’t go to a bar or party to take my mind off my life because my mother monitors everything about me. She reads my journals, checks my purchases on my bank account, and rifles through my room and computer when I’m not around. She says she has to do this because I don’t open up to her. […]
Don’t really know how to begin, but know I want my pain to end. Kinda ironic, looking for an ending before a beginning. At almost 52 I have been a freaking caretaker my entire life, taking no care of myself, just everyone else. Alcoholic father, died 26 years sober…not bad! Molested as a child, by a brother and watched my sister being molested, which she denies. Found out in my forties he molested my other brother, too.  Lived with my molester as an adult, as my sister moved home when her 1st husband died with her 2 sons, (she has 3 and they are […]
I have been through it all. I lost my little brother at a really young age and then after losing him watched my whole family fall apart. My mom started drinking, my dad left our family and i was the main caretaker of my 1 year old sister as I was 7. I started craving attention so i would go find guys to say they loved me. Then one got me into pot. Not saying pot is bad. But it completely changed my life around. I didn’t give a fuck about my family or my friends. Just sneaking out seeing my boyfriend and smoking […]
I realize that there are many of you who are in the same amount or worse pain than I am. I need to tell my story, and hope that someone can help me.
The past five years have been a nightmare for me. One of my very closest friends died at the age of 48 from a brain tumor. My Mom had a stroke, and then died last year from cancer after receiving a cancer-free diagnosis only a month before. I lived with her and was her primary caretaker for four years. I asked my family if I could live in our home until January (I would […]