I feel like I’m clinging to a thin piece of rope that’s fraying and threatening to snap. I want someone to hold me and tell me that it’s okay to fall apart. It’s okay to come completely unglued and not be in control all of the time. That it’s okay. That I don’t have to be “on” all of the time. I feel like 90% of the time I’m with other people, I’m acting or doing something or saying something that because that’s what they expect or want. I don’t want to have to be this other person around people, but at the same time […]
Tag:
Charade
Look at these definitions of depression on slango  so true but they dont say how to get out. We already know this stuff. Why doesnt it say how to get out? Or why we have depression?
‣ A state of altered perception where one sees the world as bleak and dark.  Feelings and actions such as purposelessness, disinterest, low self esteem, [self-harm], pessimism, suicidal thoughts or tendencies and a lack of motivation or energy may accompany it. It is not simply the feeling of being sad, but is a lasting state of mind that could be caused by a number of factors. Many health problems lead […]
i dont fucking know anymore. and idont know why. idk why i get up in the morning. idk how i continue with this charade. i dont know how to continue pretending this life is worth living. idk if i will go throu with it but i shure as hell cannot continue. And i dont know if there is reason good for my suffering. Idk if there even needs to be. Idk if that even matters. Idk if any of it even matters. But if theres one thing i do know its that no one else knows either
So catch me if you can motherfuckers, […]
When I was young, I was ‘diagnosed’ as being gifted. High intelligence, learns fast. They forgot to mention the side effects. I analyse everything and everyone. I can’t stand being around people. They never say anything interesting. Meaningless discussions about the boring crap they do all day long and are planning to do. I can make almost anyone like me with the masks of sanity I put on every day. Cheerful to some, great listener to others and a serious guy to more others, everyone likes me. I have a good job and decent enough looks, by all accounts a great guy.
But noone sees […]
Hey to everyone here on SP. going to start by saying how much I admire the strength you all have for reaching out to a site like this. I’ve been reading for a while, but never registered. I wish i had done it a long time ago. I’m at my fourth year in college, and I suppose in retrospect of my life, it’s always been a steady emotional decline, with small spikes of good big enough to keep me from noticing the downhill, but small enough to keep me from thinking things would really improve in the long run. I ran in front of a […]
The dire need of feeling pain, my mind no longer being sane,
Deep down inside, I feel as if I’ve died,
With each breath, I wish a quick death,
As I lay on the ground, without a sound,
With a reach of my hand, I gave into my internal demands,
Raising it to shine in the light, it gleamed as evil as the night,
With a cry, tears fell from my eyes,
The need for pain was driving me insane.
Gripping the sharp metal tight, I pushed down with all my might,
The stinging sensation, fueled my temptations,
Line after line, far from fine,
Push came […]
life and living, for me, is an outfit. you put on all these clothes that weigh you down but eventually, end of the day comes; time to strip ’em off and rest.
I’m afraid that I’m genuinely losing my mind. That analogy, if you can call it that, is a half finished thought. So many of my thoughts are half finished and incoherant; I’M half finished and incoherant HAHAHA! self loathing is always hilarious.
I try to wear my life for as long as possible, but I always end up stripping it off and proclaiming myself animal.
What am I saying? WHat am I writing? How is […]
But I don’t think there’s a good way for me to go on living. I feel horrible all of the time. I’ve seen enough doctors, therapists, and social workers to populate a small country. I don’t see any future for me. I don’t even have any dreams to hang on to. I don’t have any friends either. I’ve spent two weeks in the hospital. It made things worse.
It is sad when happy people die; if only we could trade places so that they could go on living.
I’m young. I hate it when older people complain that my generation feels entitled to more than we deserve. […]
For too long i have kept up this charade. Pretending to be happy when im not. Im probably like alot of people…for a long time, everything seemed to be going ok, and i had dreams and aspirations and a plan for my life.
But, somewhere along the way, i failed. And i dont have any resentments about it, i know most of the reason as to why i failed rests with me. Im not perfect, im sure if i worked harder, i couldve accomplished more, made something of myself. But, i didnt. I understand that, and thats not what really bothers me anyway.
For too long, my […]
I’ve been “struggling” with depression since I was nine; I’m thirty-three now. I have been on hundreds of medications and finished sixteen rounds of ECT (8 unilateral, 8 bilateral) in May. Long story short, things are not better.
I feel a huge amount of guilt and fear about leaving my husband behind, but I can no longer distract myself from the fact that I want it to end and it doesn’t seem that is going to happen. I have been severely depressed, unable to go to school, unable to even bathe, for three and a half years now. I love my husband more than I knew […]