I’ve attended church my whole life. My entire family, including extended family, is Christian. I was always the strange one. I was obsessed with dark things, such as demons, ghosts, and horror movies. I was also extremely sexual as a kid. I’m not proud of it at all. If anything, I hate myself for it. I don’t know why I was like that either. The only reason I’ve ever been able to think of is the vague memory I have of being in some bathroom with someone telling me I couldn’t tell anyone. But anyways, I’ve just never been fully devoted to God. Lately, those […]
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My story of depression starts when I was 12. I self harmed for the first time. I didn’t have any friends and I was considered a loser. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t that depressed then. I was depressed, but not terribly bad. No, things started going horribly wrong my freshman year of high school. I couldn’t pay attention in class because I would start imagining my death. Blades were my crutch. I managed to make a few friends, but people still knew me as a loser. I was sad all the time, that’s all I really remember. I was never happy. Happy was as […]
I went down to my grandparents house. They were nothing but loving and generous. My grandpa gave me a 2012 GMC canyon….I love him so much. I’m always doing something there. going to church. working the food pantry. I even spent the night at the church with a homeless family project. We go to lions club meetings. We always have breakfast lunch and dinner. it is absolute paradise. Today was my first day home. I’ve already contemplated self harm multiple times. No body missed me…they made sure I knew it. The dining room looks like shit (I cleaned it before I left and its been […]
Does heaven have a phone number?
Mommy went to heaven,
but I need her here today.
My tummy hurts and I fell down;
I need her right away.
Operator, can you tell me
how to find her in this book?
Is heaven in the yellow part?
I don’t know where to look.
I think my daddy needs her too,
at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes,
but I really don’t know why.
Maybe if I call her,
she will hurry home to me.
Is heaven very far away?
Is it across the sea?
She’s been gone a long, long […]
I’m sooo scared to go back to therapy.. I don’t want to but my parents are making me! I was in therapy for 2.5 YEARS and it didn’t do anything! Honestly my church has done 100% more in 1.5 YEARS than therapy ever did. It’s annoying, makes the depression even worse, and honestly I haven’t even been feeling depressed lately… sorry for those of you who are not into Christianity (DO NOT GIVE ME CRAP FOR IT PLEASE).. I’ve gotten more involved with the church, gotten involved in outreaches, and might even be going on a mission trip to Mexico in August. I’m finally happy […]
I am so fucking DONE. I want to die.. well I don’t want to die, but I want this pain to go away. I want the constant numbness, guilt, sadness, and every other emotion to stop. I want these voices to go away and leave my head. I want my father to actually love me! Hell I want my family to actually love me! All they do is tell me that I’m a waste of time, money, and space. They don’t support me. They don’t encourage me to live my dream. They don’t encourage me to get involved with my church, instead they act like […]
I really need to rant. I’m 4 days away from the anniversary of the murder I witnessed and I am fucked up. Â The last thing I need is nosy-asses in my life.
My nosy-ass neighbors will not stop getting into my business. I am well deep into planning my own demise, but I’ve determined that I certainly can’t hang myself from a tree because these fuckers would call the cops. I swear, they know more about my life than I do. They’ve often remarked that they noticed my bedroom light was on. Really? Why the fuck is that their business??
I can’t go into my fucking yard […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Evanescence_-_Sweet_Sacrifice.mp3
I’m am beginning to feel better now that I am here. I feel like I have made some friends even tho I know the connections may or may not be real. I hope to heal one day. I remember when I used to pray. I used to pray everyday but now I can’t seem to do nothing ubt think about praying. I remember the times when I was publicly humiliated in church. I had always wanted to go now I see why so many people didn’t/don’t go. I know its always gonna be why me. I know I am always gonna feel why me.
So i know i posted something but heres something else.
If you ever need someone ill be here. Ill help you through anything. You just have to leave a comment and ill give you any kind of advice you need. Ill help no matter what. Ive gone through family abuse verbally mentally and physically. Ive gone through bullying still am. Ive gone through abusive relationships. Ive gone trough drug abuse and drinking. Ive gone through losing friends from suicide and getting killed in front of me by other people. Ive lost family from suicide. Ive gone almost everything and im only 16 others start early or […]
Don’t get me wrong,  i don’t think a little faith can hurt anyone, but my views on church tbh? kind of pointless.  i do in fact believe their is a God but going to church, I feel like  i’m surrounded by hypocrites. If your going to love, praise and worship god than why not do that on your own time? Just being around  people just makes things worse because as soon as you leave no one is the same person..  i just pray to god that when I finally leave this earth he will take me..
Oh hey, look at that, I’m here again.
Great.
I was dating the perfect guy for me. He had faults, but I was crazy attracted to him and regular sex helped me get over my addiction to masturbating. And then he broke it off, over THINKING I had an sti, and not trusting me even though I was crazy loyal to him.
And that’s not it, I’m doing bad at school for the first time in my life. I told my teachers I was suicidal to get out of a test, I’ve never missed a test of my own volition. Ever.
I miss holding him, and cuddling, and doing […]
They are disgusting. They have a need to feel superior to one another, in looks or friends or personality. They stole all my hard work away. I will lose everything because of them.
I live with three other girls. I’m okay with one of them, it does annoy me when she is slow or in my way. But other wise she’s fine. My issue is with the other two.
I’ve known one of them since, 2nd grade or something. We’ve been best friends for a super long time. But i have never shown her my weakness. I have never shown her my true side. I just show […]
i’m seventeen, my mom and dad are the only reason i wouldnt want to die, i would like them to understand i need to die, cos i’m no good, i dnt get good grades, i’m not nice to most people, i mean i dont know how to fake smiles, i cant make many friends and i havent learnt not to care about that, but i love my mom and i wouldnt her to feel sad, i wish they didnt love me, that way i’d be free to do what i know i should, if i died it would be one life’s pollution less, not much, […]
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