I’ve lost control of everything. I am failing the two college classes that I managed to stay in, I’ve lost my closest friends… I can’t manage to even go to my classes because I literally cannot get myself out of bed. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I’ve attempted in the past. I’ve cut. I’ve turned to drinking. I’ve stayed in a hospital for a week. I don’t have anything planned and I don’t think I want to do anything but I just don’t know anymore. I don’t seem to know anything except that I can’t seem to do anything I need to do. […]
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I don’t expect anyone to actually read this longish post, but I just really wanted to speak to my mind to someone, somewhere…
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I will know when it’s “time”, and I realized that I have to force myself to walk forward, that there will be no special sign for me. I don’t know if any of you have ever watched fullmetal alchemist, but I’ve been considering the scene where Ed chooses to burn down his him, his memories, the only place he had to return to so that he could not back out of the decision he made.
Although […]
Hey guys, I know its been a while since I last updated . These past few weeks have been extremely rough on me. With drama with friends and my sorority ( It is a long story!), A highly overbearing work demand from my classes, try to figure out what I’m gonna do with my future when I graduate ( Which I honestly have no clue yet!),Found out its gonna be at least 3 weeks or even longer before I can even get an appointment with my university’s counselor ( I mean seriously i know theirs like a thousand and more kids at that school but […]
I feel like I’m being a fake person. Now that I’ve started to do my work, trying to focus more and do what is “expected” of me. I go to class, I do my homework. The problem is, I’m not 100% into it. No matter what I’m doing, I find myself wondering why I even bother doing anything. I feel like it’s too late to bring my grades up (it’s past midterms) and I’m failing two out of four classes as a junior college student. I don’t know how to come back from that. I’m scared to talk to my professors about it because I’m […]
my thoughts are exhausting me and I don’t have the strength to function properly to get through this day. But I can’t skip this day either, I have an important dance showing I have to attend and I have to figure out how to get up enough courage to fake that I’m okay during the time I have to be around people. I’m already skipping two classes right now, and I had to leave half way through my dance class this morning because I couldn’t stop crying long enough to dance. I failed my Dance History exam and I’m starting to get really discouraged again, […]
It’s the second time I write here today. I really thought things would take a turn for the better but It wasn’t the case. It makes some pretty good time since I got this bad. I just wanna cry but I simply can’t, maybe it’s because I don’the have the option to fail this time. Like my life would crumble if I did that, there was also one other thing that bothers me. My family have seen the pages I’ve been accessing and then they found out about suicideproject.org. No need to say they are very worried about me but even so they […]
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