fucking urges to self destruct and self mutilate are so strong today….I can’t give in…come on, get it together Gianna, almost 4 weeks clean, don’t ruin it now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Pl76R8u4mg
Tag:
clean
Hello, sorry to bother you all but I am in need of advice. I honestly don’t know what to do do anymore. I am personally just tired of everything. I do not wish to go on living. I have actually felt this way for multiple years now. I even made a post on here a few years ago. People tried comforting me and saying it would all get better soon. A few years later and I’m still contemplating the same decision.
I’ve been struggling to find a stable job with a reliable source of income. I do not usually feel any emotion. I don’t want to […]
Hey. Here goes.I did not want to talk about this to anyone ,because in my family no one understands ,its just the way they look at me when i try to talk to someone.Its that look ,when u feel,people are listening just because they have to,not because they want to… I was born in a family with rooted alcoholism.My mothers father was a heavyweight drinker and so was my father.So the fights,physical and psychological were on daily bases.I started to develop this person in my own world.i used to lock myself in my room,put my headphones on and got lost in music.I was talented musician.In […]
I’m 52, I have severe mental illness, I haven’t worked for my living in twenty years, I have a son that I never see. I live alone and have virtually no friends anymore.
I don’t listen to music, I can barely keep my house clean, I don’t cook anymore, I am on the internet all the time because I’ve really got nothing else.
I have N, I am storing it for future use, I don’t want to upset my mother so I’m trying to hold on until she passes.
Should I not be here? Sorry I am not some guy hanging out with his mates in a virtual […]
I try to live myself now with no regrets but I have one from the past that I just can’t get over. I left my wife while she was 9 months pregnant and asked for a divorce. I’ve always been apart of my child’s life but I can’t get over leaving her, I never should have done it. When she’s nice to me I am on top of the world. When she’s mean or ignores me it puts me in the deepest depression. It has been over 7 years and I just can’t get over it, I try. I’ve talked to psychologist and been out […]
My family suck. Mostly my mom though. They are full of empty promises and bullshit reasons to hit you or ***** you out for something stupid. Like today for example, I was walking around this glass table outside when my dog, who was with me, freaked out and pushed the table over. My mom gets angry and blame me for the table being broken. She hit me and started saying things that just hurt, especially when it’s coming from FAMILY. She cared more about ten old table that’s about 7 years old then me bleeding and hurt. Like it’s a table. She was talking about […]
A few weeks ago me and my fiance were to pick my mom up for an appointment she had. I opened the door all I saw was her legs and pills everywhere. I ran to her screaming “MOM”. She could speak she threw up all over herself her eyes were red. She looked so hopeless! My fiance got on the phone called an ambulance they came and asked her what she took all she kept saying was ” 5 bottles”, all we saw was Percocets on the floor. After she was brought to the ER and was settled we went back to her place to […]
A month, wasted. Clean for a month, no cuts, no new scars. Now….wasted
been a domestic servant today. clean this clean that. but i have a way to make chores a little bit more interesting. mother nature is big help. crank the tunes and ignore the whole outside world for a while. in psycho speak that means isolating. maybe, maybe not. i was focused on my task and was thankful i was alone. cleaning the bathroom is not always a pleasant job. but it was ok because i was flying and up the tunes some more. while i know being alone so much isn’t much good for me but i am short on alternatives. none need not to […]
I hate self harm relapses. Not like being “clean” from cutting for 4 days is a big hoorah.
Just damn. I wish the blade was sharper to get more blood.
ahh…don’t listen to me ramble…im overtired and plain batshit insane hehehehe
Everyone has a point in there lives where they dont know who they are, where they are, or who they want to be. Some people have to hit rock bottom before getting back up but sometimes we keep falling which is okay as long as you keep tryin. I had to hit rock bottom twice before I realized I had to get clean and sober. Im not perfect and I can fall at anytime but, right now Im heading back to the top of recovery. Let me tell you about my journey and my story about strength; sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
It’s almost 2AM. I’m in my room alone. Crying my eyes out wanting to die. I haven’t felt this way in over a month. I look at my scars and notice them fading. Why are they leaving me I don’t want to see them go. They’re such a big part of me, I swear they’re my closest friends. I’ve tried everything to clear my mind, but nothing seems to work. I’ve tried snapping a a rubber band, I’ve tried drawing a butterfly,I’ve tried all I can think. I don’t know what wrong with my mind. all I know is that it’s back. The urge to […]
My daughter’s last day of camp is August 10. If I leave August 8 and send a delayed e-mail to her father, that gives him a day to clean up the mess (and hopefully feed the cats). He’ll have to pick her up, obviously.
I am really sorry, but I cut myslelf one hour ago. It was so hard to stay clean ’cause there was so much pain and everyone said, that I fuck everything up. I’m scared, that it’s true. I am always so ugly and fucked up and just really… I don’t know what to say. Please forgive me ’cause I fuck everything up. Always.
My favorite thing in the world is being there for someone like us. I am 17, a junior in HS, and I have 7 MS girls who are just like me. Cutters, suicidals. I can only help so much. Today, to get one to stop, I put my blade to my arm, on a line I have thinned out from my elbow to wrist, just in case I ever need to do it. It’s a pain to watch them worry, but a relief to watch them stop. I’ve gone back to cutting, though. What gives me the right to stop others when I can’t stop […]
Would you rather have a second chance in life like reincarnation after death or is the idea of there being nothing else after death more preferable? I personally am living a life of regrets so getting an opportunity to start again in another life is a comforting thought in some ways, like a clean slate. On the other hand however, there’s no way of knowing what circumstances you’ll be born into, it might be worse than the first life.
well, this sucks. I can’t go to anyone. And I’ve been clean for so many months now and I really don’t want to go back. Someone saw me writing on here and I don’t know. Just don’t feel safe again. I feel like I’m gonna do something to myself if I’m ever alone
I’m scared, I want my mommy here with me, holding my dear.
So alone in the dark again; they won’t tell me what happened.
The people around me are crying and sobbing, and I don’t know what to do.
They say be brave
They say you’ll be missed.
They say not to be like you, but I don’t understand why.
I cry because I know that I can’t see you; at least that’s what they say
I cry because I can’t get you back, I want you back.
I cry because it was your choice to leave, why mommy?
I don’t understand did I do something […]
As of today I am 3 months clean but it just doesn’t feel right. I miss my friends but i get anxiety around people.. I’m scared of how they’ll react. It’s about to be a year since I’ve seen any friends.
Is it wrong of me to miss Stefie, Sissi, Bamse, Ash, Lucky, Goldy, Snowy, Starry, Spinny, Plusi and Oreon so so much More than missing most humans? Is it wrong of me to wish my mom would smile at me and tell me I did a good job or even for her to say thank you? Is it wrong of me to wish my siblings would stop saying “I dont like you” and “you’re not really my big sister” Even though I would give them the world? Is it wrong of me just to clean up my room instead of the washing lady? Is it […]