Everytime I go outside and see normal happy people it shakes me up inside. I press my lips together, and shut my eyes in tension. All the people that I used to know, just normal guys got it all. Money, house, car, relationship/marriage. Everything. All these people were just normal, nothing special, most were dumber than me academically, similar or worse socially. Many were younger. Yet all of them got it all together, got awesome jobs, get paid well. Got everything. Why is it that everytime I try to do something I fail? I do great with things, any complex problem I can solve as […]
Tag:
complex
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Almost-Nothing.mp3
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I got inspired by those of you who posted yourselves playing music these past few days.
I’ve posted other things I’ve written before, but today I wondered what I could finish in exactly one hour.
So I started a new piece and set myself a time limit.
One hour, no more.
Because of the time constraint, I wasn’t able to include complex instrumentation. I settled on a simple piano piece.
I call it “Almost Nothing”, because it is short and simple.
Thirty-eight measures long, starting in A-minor and ending in C-major.
Started at 5:24 this afternoon, ended at 6:24.
It’s not my favorite thing I’ve ever written, but it was fun […]
Background, bipolar, recently diagnosed as an adult in my 40’s. Have a relatively successful life, 2 great kids and am in the middle of a divorce because he is a narcissist. Apparently the only time my bipolar issues become an issue is when I am under extreme stress. Like say sharing a house for a year with someone you don’t like.
If I could figure out how to protect my kids I would be gone. That simple, that complex. I want my kids safe so I live.
I don’t know how to find the balance I need to keep going. Meds keep having weird side […]
I just want to say that I think, for the most part, tough love does not work with people who are going through mental distress. I cannot simply get up and get help. the simple act of getting out of bed is hard. So anything more complex than that is extremely daunting and your tough love isn’t making it seem more appealing.
I been working on a political and social movement for years. The name or the organization will be called The Actionist Movement (a generic name for a complex ideology). I lost interest in it for years. One of my main goals is Neuropreservation for far future transhumanism. I haven’t gotten to that part because its complex. my philosophy covers a number of issues such as prison and school reform etc. here is what I wrote so far on my Bioethics Agenda (a lot more to write about that).
The book will be called – My Vision: The Manifesto of the Actionist Movement
EUTHANASIA – The option of […]
listen to this guy. his music got me through a lot of negative times. he himself is bipolar so if you are you could surely relate. he’s very complex to understand sometimes, but something in his music speaks to me. and his voice is just amazing
Look at yourself and write down the truth. What more fatal complex subject could you find? It’s hard to face. Or maybe you’re afraid of yourself
I am
A lot of the time I project a facade of intelligence, I’ve been told I write well, that I can be eloquent and articulate at times, but I’m actually genuinely stupid. Math and anything pertaining to basic logic is beyond my comprehension, like I’ve literally failed Algebra twice in a row and I still don’t get it, I don’t understand much about math beyond arithmetic at all. Complex subjects that require thoughtful analysis and ability to make sense of information are beyond me, I struggle to understand anything when it’s not spelled out to me, and even then I still don’t get it. I’ve been […]
Talking about the good moments of my childhood forces me to be both nostalgic and incredibly sad at the same time. I wish things were that simple because even though I didn’t have a particularly easy childhood, a child’s problems are so much less complex. Today I decided to text a friend that I haven’t spoken to in a while. We met through a therapy group and somehow we clicked, even though neither of us are the most vocal of people. But I feel like we understood the pain in each other’s eyes, in a way no one else could. We never told each other […]
I thought I was doing good by not saying that as often on public forums. It’s natural to blurt it out every 10 minutes though. Sometimes the feeling creeps up behind me and forces me to shutter my head neck and shoulders, then the words come out.
When I say I hate my life.. it means I hate where my life has come from, where it left me and where I know it will keep leading me. I don’t hate the world even though that comes out sometimes too. I don’t hate people even though there is so much evil out there. I feel I’m […]
Stop whatever you’re doing and read this. It’s important.
Okay, chances are, you’re probably on this website because you had a terrible day or worse; a terrible childhood. Or some sort of traumatic experience. But you know what the other reason for you being here is? The much bigger and more important reason? The fact that you’re alive and a sentient being.
You have free will to a certain extent. Your mental capacity is nigh on infinite. You’re a beautiful and complex person. What’s more is that you matter. You’re important. You are amazing and awesome and genuine. So don’t let anyone else tell you […]
and I just get by by pretending that I don’t. Not inwardly, I mean on the outside. A mask of sanity. I’m a apathetic misanthrope portraying the character of a normal lovable person in a perpetual improv act.
I’m polite and sweet. I listen to people. I laugh at their jokes. I’m considerate. My mind is dissecting them. I’m dead inside.
I’m just not there.
I’m not depressed any more. I haven’t been for almost a year, but I no longer feel complex emotions of any kind. Some would call this a mixed blessing. There is nothing mixed about it. If I had to choose, I would trade […]
I am a construction worker..
But I am also an artist.
Everyday some one comes up to me at work and reminds me of this. My work is complex and truly beautiful to the untrained eye.. Kinda like my life!
But everyday I work alone.. And I am reminded of that too.
I’m always being asked.. “Are you alone?” “don’t you have any help?”
“Do you always work alone?”
My response is always the same..
This is my life, it’s what I do…
It’s all I know!
Everyday reads of poetry.. In my words and in my actions. In the way I hold my self […]
I’ve spent the last 48 hours sitting, walking, cooking…Not hungry. I start pacing. Hello panic attacks…Nothing is really helping. Someone shared a suicide story on Facebook. Great, I decided to watch it. I”m completely beside myself. I go to youtube in the hopes of listening to some music that will help and I find more “suicide hope” videos. Yeah…I’m filled with the hope of an end someday. They all seem to outline my issues in a glorified, filtered image.
Another panic attack. My heart is going to give out before I can commit at this point. I’ve started to cross into the realm of being so […]
First of all respect for the people who got to roam this site. I myself did it for more than one year. Sometimes I tried giving advices, yet it s hard to interfere with other people s thoughts, so for the most time I refrained from doing so. I can say I succeeded to prolong someone s life here, with one week. Yes only one week. I cried when that person gave up. I cried as much as when I lost my mother. Our lives cannot be lived in reverse and unfortunately many people are going backwards instead of moving forward. It is the mind […]