Tag:
Conflict
It isn’t my intention to hurt anyone, and I apologize in the case that I actually do. Let’s just face it, I’m not cut out for living. I can’t do things right, I’m useless to my parents, I’m only someone to make fun of, and I’m just hated by a lot of people.
My mom, Kathy, she constantly makes remarks proving just how useless I am. For example, we would walk into the Air Force Academy Clothing Sales store, she would see those stupid “My daughter goes to the Air Force Academy†bumper stickers, and she would make the comment: “I wish I could put that […]
“…anyone who attempts to do both, to adjust to his group and at the same time pursue his individual goal, becomes neurotic.â€
― C.G. Jung
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And thus, i have discovered the most refined and concise words to express the source of my frustration.
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Upon first reading it, i read: “to adjust his group,” instead of “adjust TO his group.” Both are valid, in different ways.
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But what if my individual goal is to achieve the requirement of adjusting my group (or perhaps the entire world), in order to gain access to a particular configuration of circumstances that would be required to enable my actual individual […]
In high school I would rarely if ever challenge mistaken or erroneous assumptions or allegations of authority figures, feeling timid toward the discomfort of conflict. I had recorded and would hold onto relatively trivial incidents that should have been forgotten the following day. My youth, and later, young adulthood, were spent with intense frustration characterized by potential unable to be developed, holding increasing resentment and bitterness to past wrongs that went unresolved. Lesson: Learn from misfortune, failures, and injustices. Don’t dwell on them, try to see the positive, try to learn something, see how to handle similar situations in the future, and move on. Much […]
Another long one.
Seems like a good time to continue on with my confession. I ended the last post after I was caught. I injured myself for four years before my mom saw….. but then again you see what you want to see. My sister an I were always held to a higher standard than most kids. If we got a B on anything we were grounded. A’s were all my mom cared about. Nothing else. She got on to us for every little thing, making it a contest between the two of us. That is the main reason my sister and I started fighting. After […]
I have decided to end it all. Almost a year and a half ago my youngest son cut me out of his life because his girlfriend didnt like the choices I made about my business. They wont talk to me nor will they allow me to see my grandchildren. They have always been close to me til now. They have lived next door to us for over 5 years until this conflict. My grandson is only 7 so untill the estrangement he always was next door. I now have a grand daughter that I dont even know or would even recongnize if I did see […]
I have friends . Family ect . I had a rough child hood but it made me the strong person I am today . I can handle abuse , problems, conflict . Or at least on the surface . I smoke about an eigth a day of weed to mello out and drink when I can’t smoke . I use to use other drugs till I realized I was only letting “them” win by making myself look like the dirtbag they made me sound like . So I stick to my pot and alcohol although I have a struggle everyday. I feel like I dot […]
Just want to get this of my chest, i am suicidal, have been for about 6 months now. Feels like im grasping at straws here.
This is the story. I grew up in a home with alot of conflict and negative energy, but also with alot of love and care. There where specially one very grave voilent episode when i was a child, and also other incidentes, but not of so grave character. Dispait of this me and my siblings grew up and did very good in school and sports, but i don´t think any of us was and still are (naturally) unaffected by the nature […]
My lack of tenacity to anything and everything applies I guess just as well to my suicidal thoughts. They come and go but they are never enough to make me actually do anything. Its more a coping thing. It has been a few months since I have felt this low and un-like reality, when I ***** about my petty white kid problems you all kind of listen. Which is cool so I can keep my crazy priviate and un-identified. Since I am obviously to ***** to do it I have decided begrudgingly take on reality head on for thirty days. Thirty days just giving it […]
I’ve never written a suicide letter before, or maybe I have, they were surely times in my life when I should have.
But how to you even begin without sounding terribly clique’ and readable? I guess I’ll never know, because really you can’t know until you’re dead and everyone has read the letter. I hope mine gets stolen and passed around the local schools. I’ll write tons of terrible secrets I’ve kept inside about everyone I know and let my down fall create such conflict that they forget I’m even gone. Even in death I long to make suffering controllable.
But those are for later […]
I’ll start out by saying I consider myself “addicted” to suicidal thoughts. The thoughts begun as early as elementary school and continued to thrive throughout my life. As I prepare to leave everyone I know and move a 1000 miles away to college, I can’t seem to commitment to moving forward or ending my life. I have made one serious attempt, one which had me hospitalized for 4 months, and that was just 1 out of my 11 hospitalizations. Life has been a long and hard journey for me. I have learned the hard way the cons of acting on these thoughts. I also know […]
I remember when I was a kid holding a knife to my throat to stop my folks fighting. Â Fast forward to life at 24 and not much internally has changed.
Listing my life’s unfortunate circumstances is pointless, everyone has suffering. Â However, the one constant has that the cumulative sum has all been ‘my fault’. After starting the process 4 years back to improve myself, it seems I’m the only one aware of my progress. Other folks just have shit to so.
Furthermore, when conflict arises and I stick to my reasonable intellect and try to better the energy, it seems like I hurt more than help. I […]
I hate feeling the way that ”we” do. I hate feeling so sad and lonely all the time. I hate having to pretend all the time, transforming myself into someone else in order to “fit in” and be liked. I just want to let it all out, let the darkness take over and let the world see how depressed and messed up i really am.
I was raped many times by my older brother when i was younger. But i was so young that i didn’t know what rape was, and so i i thought it was okay what my brother made me do and […]
Two daggers pierced through my heart and tore up my soul;Â
My heart bleeds;Â
My body lay still;Â
Numbness consumes me,
Yet I continue to breathe mindlessly.Â
It is a battle between life and death.Â
I ask myself Why?
I faint voice inside of me whispers to me that it is the ray of hope that lays dormant deep within my soul.Â