Bare with me, I don’t do this kind of thing a lot. Ever, really. I’m 15, female. I started cutting when I was 12. My mom and older brother were fighting all the time, not like arguing either, like throwing chairs at each other. He hit her and made threats. I didn’t feel safe. He pushed me around a little but nothing major. My mom was also mostly living with her abusive boyfriend at the time, staying at his house with his family. I hated that. She left me home with my Bi-Polar drugged out father and younger brother, whom I basically raised. After several […]
Tag:
Confused
So a few weeks ago I found out this guy (that I don’t even like as a friend) has a crush on me. It’s awful and annoying. I never picture anyone having a crush on me (due to physical appearance) and when you find out someone does to me it’s just like uuhhhggg!!!!!! Why?!??!!?!??!??!?!?!!! I seriously want to scream I don’t like you!!!!! But I would hate myself after. I’m still confused on why some one would like me. I’m depressed, ugly, fat, and just gross and lately I haven’t been myself at all and it’s scaring me. *sigh I really don’t know what to […]
I’m lost and could really use someone to talk to right now. Kik the_faln
For the past few days I thought my life was going to get better. All these wonderful things people tell me here are kind of smothered by the fact my home life has only gotten worse.
My family found these posts and are going to be sending me to a mental facility that is known for its patient abuse and I have no say -as I’ve been deemed unfit to live alone or make my own life choices thanks to my father. It’s all spiraling out of control and there’s no way to save myself. It’s all over and I’m too tired and beaten up to […]
I still have nothing.
I have everything that I could ever want, but it means absolutely nothing. No matter how good things get, I still feel empty. I don’t think anyone could ever fill me up all the way; I don’t think it’s possible. I still try to fix myself. We bought an expensive ring, put it on my finger, and I was happy for a month. I tell myself that I’m happy over and over and over again, but it doesn’t change a thing. What if I changed everything? I could call off the wedding, start over again, and… and what? I don’t think I’d […]
It’s been some time since I’ve posted on here, because I really haven’t had much to say. Things had been normal & for the most part everything was cool, I was beginning to be able to handle myself… Then I lost it. Yesterday I literally tore apart my room, balled my eyes out & cut. I cut in a visible place (which makes it worse for me) & it sucks. Ppl have been noticing and since my cat recently passed I can’t use the cat excuse anymore. Idk I just had to get this out… I wish I knew what made me temporarily lose my mind, any […]
I am so sad and confused; I’m engaged to marry someone that I don’t know if I truly love -it’s terrible. I hate my life; when is this going to get better for me? Everyday, I’m so exhausted having to pretend that I’m ok when I’m not – that alittle part of me dies… I’m not happy but am worried that if I leave, my life will be terrible – I don’t know what I’m doing anymore… I don’t know what I want or what to do –
Why do I keep fucking shit up? Why am I so stupid? I just… Feel like I am no good to anyone. I feel like all I do is screw shit up. I have nowhere to go, no friends that I can rant to freely without them getting annoyed and I’m left to this site. I have hit rock-bottom, and my last resort was this website.
Tell me, how pathetic does that sound? A site called The Suicide Project is where I go to when I need to vent. Yeah, most may call me lucky: I’ve been accepted into an amazing cosmetology school, I’m a model, […]
Boy am I glad to find this site.
Just to be able to write down some thoughts here and not in my despised self help diary notebook.
I was driving around town afraid to come back home. Another sleepless lonely night awaits me. I am scared because I haven’t been this alone in last 3 years.
Here’s a short background story:
6 years ago I found myself wrapped in suicidal thoughts and plans. I delayed them for various reasons. And I tried to build myself as a person. I failed, gave up, found some strength again and tried again, and failed again.. It was a […]
I have a great life: wonderful friends, supportive family, Ivy-league education, but I am tired of all of this.
I can’t concentrate on my school work. When I read something, I the words flutter across the page and land in a jumbled mess that I can’t decipher; when I’m with friends, their conversations fade in and out, and I can’t follow what’s going on half the time. My parents, although they don’t wish for anything but my happiness, are always concerned about how I am, which makes me even more stressed and I never tell them how I am really feeling, because I think that […]
i love my boyfriend but…. he recently almost killed himself. if it werent for me calling the police he’d be dead. but now he’s mad and im sick of all this shit. i mean i love him but i cant handle this anymore. but if i break up with him he’ll kill himself. plus i know my other friend c. will ask me out and i like him. nowhere near as much as my current bf but i do like him and couldnt say no. and then my current bf would try to beat up c. (and hurt himself in the process because he’s not […]
I am straight. Completely straight. But i will not deny that making out with another girl while under the influence does not bother me at all. My best friend and i do that every now and then and its never been a big deal, its always just been something funny that we sorta joke about. But as she has been deciding to take her life more seriously the last few days.. i realize more and more every second how i feel about her. and i love her. i truely love her. but its not in a “I want to marry you” way… but its alot […]
So like an hour ago, I got a visit from 2 of my best friends here in Oxford.
One of them is a girl. Another is a boy, which if you read my last post, my crush.
I told them, I was drunk while I was in the State, I know I promise them not to get drunk again after that night in Oxford. They were pretty mad, which of course, they have absolutely right to, I deserve that.
They began to preaching me about being depress, choice to get drunk blah blah blah
And then they asked, why I have to be depress? when has this begin?
You know […]
Soon, I will have to make a difficult decision. I’m not sure exactly when, but there is already this particular feeling- almost like an adrenaline reaction- slowly pushing my blood towards the surface of my skin, silently speeding my heart rate up, gradually shutting down my ability to feel anything but so fucking tense.
Someone is abusing me, quite badly and I have only recently come to the sense that I might perhaps matter in this world and that I don’t deserve mean hands touching me all the time. I want to speak of the injustices done to me, I want to be humble enough […]
Hello.
There are a few background things you might want to know. Firstly, I’m a clinical psychopath. This doesn’t make me a killer or a psycho, although it is generally a daily struggle to keep from being either. To me, the world is black and white; there exists, for me at least, no shades of gray. My parents have known about my condition and have actually by and large done an excellent job of raising me. I come from a privileged family and have had everything I have needed provided for me, within reason. I’ve worked to secure that which would not be provided, namely the […]
All my life ive been used, abused& hurt. Ive been treated like i dont mean anything. Its been like that since i can remember. When i was in my moms stomach she would drink and do drugs and still smoke. She didnt care. Shes never cared. She cheated on my dad all the time and treated him like nothing. She would leave and stay gone for short periods of time. She lost her good job for the state because shed rather go outand drink. When i was a baby and my little sister was a newborn my mom decided to kidnap us. Yes aparent can […]
It’s been at the back of my mind for a while. But now I’ve come to realise that it’s more than just suicidal thoughts. I’ve gotten to a point where I just have this really strong feeling that there’s something not right about me being alive. It’s not a result of bullying or any sort of trauma, it’s just a feeling, a really strong one. Over the past few weeks I’ve been putting myself through relatively dangerous “tests” to see whether I belong here or not. So far, I’ve survived them (clearly) but they’re not enough proof for me that I belong anymore. I just […]
I was diagnosed with bipolar depression my sophomore year of high school but I’ve been depressed since elementary school. I hid it well for years before anyone knew.The first time I cut was in fifth grade. I did it once until middle school, that’s when it started becoming more common. It was my little secret. Eventually my parents found out, I was hospitalized and that’s when the cycle continued. I was an inpatient twice and I was an outpatient once. I have moods so at times I seem perfectly fine and then something triggers it and it all comes back to me. Everything that seemed […]
I learned this recently. The story is very confusing. Are you ready?
This is who I thought I was: a severely schizophrenic German boy, who was severely abused as a child, alongside his twin sister. He has a boyfriend, who also has a twin. He is in Foster care.
Who I really am: a Canadian girl, less severely abused, with no twin, no boyfriend, and no Foster care.
What happened: I have multiple personalities. I suppose I’m transgender, because all the personalities are male. I am also schizophrenic, though not as badly as previously thought. The original personality, the female birthed 18 years ago next week, is gone. […]
I’m still questioning life. I don’t know what to do. I have 2 years until I can leave this place, but I can’t live here for another minute. I’m ugly and horrible, I’m failing high school, I’m slowly becoming a monster. I can’t take anymore of life. If I can’t die, what can I do?