The worst part of my situation, engulfing emotional pain from loss of love (and I am just below 40, not a teenager), is that I find no consolation. I guess I’ve most often been an agnostic concerning most things both religious, esoteric, “supernatural”, etc. So many days and sleepless nights I have prayed to, like I think Diem S Sky said, a “nameless entity” for something. To a god or goddess, dead family or forefathers, angels, demons, spirits, just *anyone* or *anything* that might have heard me. And I’ve felt nothing. I’ve asked for so many things. I know there are only three options for […]
Tag:
Consolation
“I don’t understand why we must do things in this world, why we must have friends and aspirations, hopes and dreams. Wouldn’t it be better to retreat to a faraway corner of the world, where all its noise and complications would be heard no more? Then we could renounce culture and ambitions; we would lose everything and gain nothing; for what is there to be gained from this world? There are people to whom gain is unimportant, who are hopelessly unhappy and lonely. We are so closed to one another! And yet, were we to be totally open to each other, reading into the depths […]
A while back my aunt took me to a therapist, for my depression.She then took me to a lady who prescribed medication!God, I was so freaking mad, still am a bit peeved.Since hen my depression and anorexia have only gotten worse,I have stated previously that nothing will help but she didn’t listen and now its progressed to a stage where I’m slowly turning into a vegetable (medical term).Also you might not think this but I’m 13 and my life has completely fallen to pieces.If you want to know the full story then look at my other posts but even then you wont know the full […]
Things to be, things that are there, things to keep… They are the things that must exist. Because they stay unaffected by the evils of other things. They are like glass, even when broken, they keep shining. Â They are different for each person. They may not follow standards or fashion, only the person’s soul. So they don’t necessarily have to be material (like dreams). But what is certain is they are always the dearest, cherished ones. We cling onto them, never let go of them, and cry, when we lose them, or when they’re suddenly taken away from us. And even then, when they are […]
I sit at the table. And there’s a teddy resting under my chair. I sit here alone, in this room. No one knows I sit here. I don’t know whether it’s day or night, I don’t care. The air is light and it smells of quartz, so lulling. The whole room is blue, only the lamp on the table is pale yellow, like a moth. I sit here and dream, and I talk to the lamp. The clock on the wall is ticking rhythmically, like a metronome…Â
I pick up the teddy from under the chair, and I put it on the table […]
Come on baby do you think it’s good to feel
Like I’m lying here swimming in memories
I fear God because everything dies babe
Got a gun in the back of my Car
A spasm of good sense is making my eye twitch
I’ve had enough on your consolation.
I’m drowning caught in a shit tide
Tape my face to the inside of love
Nothing to eat but fingers in the back seat
Well i’ve met God and he had nothing to say to me
I pray to god that you’re right before my eyes,
Bathed in white light with halos in your eyes.
Don’t wanna waste no […]
I need stability and a clear mind.
In July, my best, Eleanor, lost* her father.
In August, she lost* her mother. Eleanor and her brother then moved into her grandmother’s house.
In September, her aunt flew down from Brooklyn. Eleanor, her brother, and her grandmother moved to NYC with the aunt. By and by, in my own personal life, my uncle died suddenly. I was very close to him and needed him very much.
In early October, my english teacher had two heart attacks in very quick succession, and she died.
Let me clear something up: I am not sad that these people died. It sounds cold, but let me explain. In the […]
I just cant see a reason to go on.
I have lost everything in the recession. I was lucky and found a new job in a new place. I found a job I loved. I was a respected professional. I was doing so well. Had my life back on track. I befriended a coworker. We were both in a new city and both new with the company.
I had a new home with a yard for my dogs. Slowly our friendship grew and we both helped each other to do amazing at our new jobs. I started […]
There are quite a few posts with the same or similar stories… I am writing very slowly because I am not sure whether I should. Â But I probably am searching for consolation, which is an intelligent thing to do, I guess. I have not yet attempted suicide but I think of it too much. I do cut myself sometimes. And that is when someone hurts me really badly again and again… and again. Ironic that instead of trying to heal, I hurt myself even more…
It is because of love, that has always been only depressive for me. I have never had a boyfriend. I have […]