i follow every single rule in place for me, why can i get out of the fucking system? then you get these lucky bitches who get off and they are in no shape or place to be and they go and do drugs or illigal shit,while im working my ass off, i want to run far away,but the only people that would even look for me is the cops,im 21 years old,i feel like a slave, slaves had to fight for there freedom to and thats exactly what im doing,i want so much in life that the average person that walksd past me gets, that […]
Tag:
Control
I always fight with my parents for stupid reasons like food, using computer, using the air conditioner etc. When I prove they are wrong, they yell and shout at me and say that I misbehave! Then, I become extremely aggressive by throwing things everywhere: pillows, blankets, remotes… are all on the floor or broken, I cannot control my anger; sometimes, my father tries to beat me but luckily I run fast to my room and lock myself up to avoid the fight…
When I’m alone in my room, I just want to commit suicide, I just want to write a farewell letter and say goodbye […]
I feel as though there are different parts of me that constantly keep taking over myself. One side does stuff that ‘I’ do not do or accept, one is sad all the time, one is child-like, one is nice and angelic, one is rude and hateful…I don’t know what to do. I can’t make decisions because I’m never in the same mood/thought process within the same two hours. I tried to tell my mother about my situation, and she thinks that IÂ do have control over my life/actions, I’m just pretending as though I don’t. And I’m afraid that if she tells me that again, she’ll […]
When i was a kid, i thought i was happy. I always got good grades, had tons of friends, never fought with my parents. I loved life. Do you guys remember those days? When you called everyone your best friend and the biggest secret you kept was your moms christmas present. Im in high school now and i have one person that i consider a best friend, although were forbidden to acknowledge eachother in public, and more secrets than i can count. I feel like its even more dramatic how out of control my life has gotten because of my age and even more because of how […]
Hmm… Is this madness? I have been happy all day and suddenly I feel as if I have been stabbed in the gut with a searing hot blade, and I feel like blowing shit out of proportions.
Oh, but no, I am not a mad man. Madness would not be titled upon someone as composed as myself. I am a little ***** who hides beneath the blankets of society every time I hear the nasty growl of the beast. I cut myself to bleed. I cut myself to know that I am real. I cut myself to shed blood to show people what I am capable […]
out of control.
yet i HAVE to control everything.
i am at a loss for words. i no longer know what to do with myself
So I’ve never actually thought Fuck it Im going to reach out and talk about this because its just not a normal thing to do…then again nothing ever feels normal in my world and when I do express normal behaviour I feel its so put on and faked to everyone around me that they can see right through me and thus treat me different from each other. For years I’ve always kind of known I had serious pshycological issues and suicidal thoughts caused by a horrible upbringing and attempted to take my own life before I went to university. I failed….didn’t know how to o/d […]
I lost the control that I’d maintained for so long…trauma…attempted suicide one day and the next…”saved” by my best friend…the loss of my best friend…I am collapsing into myself as I have destroyed my life and continue to destroy this moment and the next.
I look to people to talk with but all I see are names…all I can tell them is a story of self-pity.
I wish I didn’t tell me best friend I took 60 pills…
I wish I hadn’t told her anything…
I wish I had used a blade…
I wish I had the courage I did a year ago when I brought the handful of pills […]
After all that has transpired in the last four days, I’m terrified of going to school tomorrow. I feel like something bad is going to happen that is outside my control, and I’ll be fired for completely cold, calculating, business reasons. I don’t know what else to say at the moment. I would give anything to not have school tomorrow. What’s worse, I have to teach a split (morning 9am-1:45 pm and evening 5:45pm-10:15pm) and I don’t know if I’ll hold up. Before you ask, calling in sick is out of the question. They’ll know it’s not true and […]
1. Everybody Doesn’t Have to Love Me.Â
Not everyone has to love me or even like me. I don’t necessarily like everybody I know, so why should everybody like me? I enjoy being liked and being loved, but if somebody doesn’t like me, I will still be okay and still feel like I am an okay person. I cannot make somebody like me, any more than someone can get me to like them. I don’t need approval all the time. If someone does not approve of me, I will still be okay.
2. It Is Okay to Make Mistakes.
Making mistakes is something we all do, and I am […]
So my brother threatened me again today. He bullies me all day and today he threatened that he will hit me.
I know this is not as bad as other peoples issues but this is my life and i can’t stand much more of his abuse.
My mum pretends that nothing is going on. I have already started cutting again within 24hours of seeing him. I promised i would stop. But i just can’t keep that promise when he is around.
And you know what the sad thing is….. tonights spat was set off by the slightest thing. The internet.
I hope he does hit me, just so i […]
It a bit hard to sum up ones failures in life in a quick way however I will try my best; thanks to everyone that reads it,
Basically I was abused and neglected emotionally as a child sometimes physically- my mom tried her best to make me as wimpy as possible as she is a social retard who attacks and sabotages her children when ever she can and will attack anyone displaying any sort of healthy self esteem, she’s also a drug addict although not a ‘hard’ one a medicated and tobacco one. I have no idea why she does this and she has a completly […]
I dont need someone to feel sorry for me, i just need someone to listen. From what i remember, its as if ive felt depressed every single day since i was a young teenaged boy. Its become my consistent personality that i dont know what its like to be confident, self driven or what it feels like to make someone else happy anymore. i used to just deal with my depression just like it was a part of me, but it was only last year that i started experiencing depression that made me anxious and taht i couldnt control. My mental state was very severe, and i had a strong compulsion to dash […]
Older Posts