did everyone have a good saturday?  well here is the state of my world. i received an invitation to go out hang with my friends whom i haven’t seen in a while. the invite panicked me. none of these people know my current state of mind. and i have no inclination to fill them in. so i am at home alone, which is how i prefer to be these days. what does that say when contact from friends i have had for years makes me panic and cry? probably not a good thing . i prefer to be alone and not have to talk to […]
Tag:
cry
I wish all of us on here could just get together in one place and hug and cry and eat a lot of food. Especially since so many of us are so lonely and no one else understands what we’re going through.
I just realized I haven’t cried in a very very long time. Even though I feel like I want to sometimes, I just don’t have the energy. Too tired to cry, to tired to care, to tired to change.
Little girl, broken and bruised.
Carefully pulling off her ruse.
With sweaters and long sleeves it’s no problem to hide.
These feelings she feels so deep inside.
The people around her can’t see the darkness, only the light.
She smiles and laughs just like she should.
But she misses her childhood.
Pigtails and pretty pink bows.
Old oak trees and rainbows.
This little girl, the world is scared to know.
Has come to see that the world is the last place you want to know.
People pushed her right to the edge, now she’s found her small metal friend.
Veins are blue,
Blood is red.
The moments when I sit at home alone, and everyone I know is busy. That’s when I finally realize how alone I truly am and it Makes me sad. To know that I have no real true friends nor family that care even just a little. No one ever notices, i feel like I’m not allowed to cry to be weak. But today I feel alone and everything that I push away comes up to the surface and I feel the pain, the emptiness.
i know that my parents love me and want the best for me since I’m their only daughter but they don’t have to be rude about it. I stopped cutting 2 months ago after breaking a 3 year period because of my mother. She calls me a dumba** because i forgot to wear my brace while playing basketball with the guys at my school, I don’t understand since my doctor told me I didn’t need it anymore. Not only that but when I try to talk to her calmly she makes me cry and says “Don’t be a little bi*** stop crying, you know what […]
some days i’m okay but other days like today i’m not. i’m trapped in my thoughts thinking about this baby that never took a breath. at times i find myself literally sitting up staring at the wall. what could i have done to possibly warrant this event.
sometimes i think maybe its for the best. she could’ve grown up to be the worst human ever
other times i think its my fault. whoever took her away thinks i cant handle the task of raising her right. maybe i was in over my head. maybe i wasnt ready. i couldnt do it.
i’d rather suffer trying and be constantly […]
The Dweller Alone by Stella Benson
My Self has grown too mad for me to master.
Craven, beyond what comfort I can find,
It cries: “Oh, God, I am stricken with disaster.”
Cries in the night: “I am stricken, I am blind….”
I will divorce it. I will make my dwelling
Far from my Self.
Not through these hind’ring tears
Will I see men’s tears shed.
Not with these ears
Will I hear news that tortures in the telling.
I will go seeking for my soul’s remotest
And stillest place.
For oh, I starve and thirst
To hear in quietness man’s passionate protest,
Against the doom with which his world is cursed.
Not my own wand’rings—not my own abidings—
Shall give my search […]
It’s too quiet in here.
I can hear myself cry, and hiss out words that usually come as mumbles.
It was once a place of serenity.
It was once the place of my joy,
but now I find it only to contain an inescapable hell.
It’s a place filled with shadows,
and a place filled with comfort.
My temple and my asylum,
my punishment and my reward.
This place smells of candles overcome with the misuse of lysol in a can.
I […]
The pain,
Inside,
The dark,
Where it seems to hide,
The walls are closing in,
And the razors?
Well they call my name,
screaming,
loud,
loud,
LOUDER,
Til i cant take it,
I run,
Tears streaming down my face,
My heart,
Pounding,
Finally,
I sit and cry,
Razor in hand,
Back against the door,
Music,
Its blaring out the speakers,
I slowly slide the razor over the soft skin of my wrist,
Blood,
It drips,
A puddle,
Starts to form,
I now can finally sleep,
In peace,
This is how i deal with life,
Cuts all up my arms……
If you have recently lost someone to suicide, you might feel the following…
You will cry for perhaps hundreds of days on end. You might suffer severe sleep deprivation or sleep too much.
You may blame a lot of people, become extremely angry and vent on a lot of people.
You will probably be very unhappy with how people treat you in that they will avoid and ignore you as they cannot cope with the situation themselves, especially family who might isolate you as they do themselves.
There will be many unanswered questions.
The relief is, that if you are able to digest what has […]
Lie in a bed of white, buried in cotton
Feeling empty, lost and hopelessly forgotten
Prescription bottles on the nightstand
Next to a rusted wedding band
Half-empty champagne glasses litter the floor
And there’s no where to turn anymore
So you climb into the bathtub and clutch the blade
Hoping that the voices in your head will fade
Everything that ever mattered slips away
And you engrave all the words that you couldnt say
As blood trickles down your legs, you cry
Because finally, you feel alive
Has anybody (obviously you have) gotten to the point when you feel like you’ve run out of tears? You want to cry, let it out, you need it, but somehow you can’t? Numbness slowly taking over day after day… I would give anything to be able to cry my heart out right now. It’s just what you need sometimes.
Death cannot be worse than this numbness. Nothing is. We all know that no pain is much more painful than what we call pain…
Not feeling at all,
PURPLEPAIN
Every night I cry because of the disappointment I cause. The burden I put on others, the loathing I direct at myself, It only leads to a life of sadness and despair. I’ve made my brother a monster, I made my father believe that I am just another mistake, and worst of all, I made my own mother cry because of my failures, and she believes it’s her fault, when it’s really my own mistake. When they ask for help, I don’t even have the energy to respond. And now I believe that I can never fix it, so I believe suicide is the only […]
Floating, staring at the sky,
telling myself I should try.
Can’t lose anything, or can I?
Am I afraid of her reply?
Will she say forever good bye?
What to do, but sigh;
I’m not that kinda guy,
just quiet and shy.
In the blink of an eye
last chance passed by.
What’s left is tears to cry,
and asking myself why
am I so bloody shy?
I last posted in February, and I haven’t really been active since then, just trying to get better I suppose. In my previous post, I shared with you all about my suicide attempt with bleach. It was a terrible decision on my part and I regret it deeply now. Looking at all the pain it caused for the ones I loved, it was honestly one of the worse things I have done.
But now I am getting better. I had posted before about how I was losing my emotions and how I couldn’t cry anymore. Now I can shed tears, which I have now […]
Our lies and Broken promises crossed paths
Tears and screams escaped our eyes
My love was something of nothing
a general mix of  a dream and  a reality
I let the blood drip, and My mouth water
but I did not cry aloud, for I did not need to be heard.
Thoughts, and thoughts, they fell ..but none of them, she caught
Fear surges throughout the air, the paranoia attaching to my past
She’s gone. i’m alone and the rope is tightening around my neck
Black and blue, unconscious and fine
I’ll remember, the times how you were all mine.
beautiful and sweet; wicked and cruel
It […]
i tired of trying to make things work when you dont even try anymore.
ill iv done is cry
go to sleep sad
and wake up the same way
iv givin up
im tired
youv only left me with a broken heart and i dont see why im with you still.
In the morning I want to die
in the morning I want to cry
in the morning they don’t see my tears,
in the morning they don’t live my fears.
And at night it’s even worse,
I think I have some type of curse.
at night I lie awake thinking, “Why am I still here?”
they don’t need me so now where?
And at night I lie awake
thinking about the morning.
Yup, knocked out another one. Apparently my accent plus cider is indecipherable to some so I’ve posted the poem beneath the audio.
Bonus points go to anyone who can find the 3 Doctor Who hommages.
There Once Lived a Man
There once lived a man,
He was strong, he had grace, he was battle-worn,
He should have done something of monumental significance,
Something to be remembered.
Prevented, though, not out of spite or maleficence, but by love.
The could’ve-been-king with his army of meanwhiles and never-weres,
Would’ve been so much but his will was never his own, it was hers.
She stole from him his drive, his motivation, […]