I am 13. I don’t have a really sad story about being raped or having drug addict parents. which makes me feel like i honestly dont have a reason to feel depressed. but here i am. I dont know how it all started. but i remember a year ago when i started in a team for my favourite sport. i’m not going to say what it is because along with my name, it is very uncommon and i feel like that someone who knows me might read this. anyways, you might think, oh wow thats a really good thing! but only a few people did […]
My fiance of 6 years just left me… Â Knowing I could never be with anyone else, i started cutting myself on both of my upper thighs… My only escape from all the emotional pain he has put me through…
Hello! They say writing and sharing your experiences can be therapeutic, and in my case that is especially true. So, today I thought I’d take a moment to sit down and have a little chat with all of you.
My story really begins about 8-9 months ago. I was going through a rough time, I had just found out I have a lump in my spine. In the past years I have been diagnosed with:
Reynauds Disease
Fibromyalgia
Osteoporosis (in my neck)
Osteoarthritis (neck, again)
Heart Arrhythmia
Severe Insomnia […]
it’s been nearly a month or more since i last did it… until today.
see, the only reason i hadn’t done it was because my mum took away all my sharp objects and although i had tried using other things they just weren’t sharp enough. not enough to create drops of blood.
i felt myself craving the pain, i had to find a way to let all these feelings out!
so i simply found new razors.
i did it a few hours ago, what a fucking relief and it wasn’t even too deep. but i crave more, more, fucking more.
i wish i had an exacto knife so […]
I’ve got to cut or I’ll start crying. I don’t enjoy either though. It’s tough to figure out which one I will do and not regret doing. But I always regret crying but I never regret cutting.
I’m definitely gonna cut tonight. Then it would be the third time for the day. Cutting helps me calm down and breath when I’m frustrated.
But there is one damn thing I don’t get. It’s when girls cut themselves for boys or for popularity or for people to like them more. It’s just so stupid. It’s like kicking dog for no reason (I know stupid example).Which is stupid.I’m just putting that […]
i finally asked the question lurking in my heart for weeks since our break up.. since the moment he asked me out. I asked his best friend.. ” he only wants me for sex.. doesnt he?..”
cody: yes but dont tell him i told you this.. he likes six other girls and when you didnt put out he broke it off im so sorry.. just forget about him please.
Rape victim and now played by the guy i loved most. I’m only a sex object. Thats all people see […]
So for you who have been following up on my post you know i self harm quiet a bit and quiet deep to. Instead of self harming the other day i chose to make some amv ( animated music videos) for vampire knight.
Please check them out and let me know if their any good. Also subscribe if you wanna keep up with my blogs and other videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCaTinffnkI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjnYh6GRmVo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmrCUV9BdHY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m35rBe1iYKc
I hope this new coping skill works for a while.. and doesnt die in a matter of a week.. like most of the others..
People on tumblr and in life around me keep telling me to “Continue On” or “Stay Strong”. What’s the point in either of these expressions if one has already made the decision to just stop being here?
I’ve given it a lot of thought; am I actually continuing on with living or continuing on dying daily? Lately, I haven’t had the motivation to get out of bed. Two nights ago, I almost attempted suicide. Yet, instead of trying to listen to me and understand my situation, people tell me to be strong and to be happy. You can’t tell me to stop throwing up everything I […]
90% of my thoughts are suicide.
I can never be happy, I’m convinced. I cry literally every day and I’m just really sick of it. I used to be normal, I really did. Then, I started high school.
In the beginning of my freshman year, I made some new friends. About three months into the year, for whatever reason, these “friends” decided that they didn’t like me very much anymore. I was severely bullied by them for the next two years, which caused me to start self-harming.
As soon as this started, I met a boy on the internet. He seemed nice enough, whatever. Over the next three […]
Days like today makes me feel like I’m a fucking piece of shit waiting to rot away, or a waste of skin maybe. Fucking tire of people feeling ofended with the things I say or do… and people pushing me to care about them when it’s fucking clear they don’t give a shit about me, or else they would call me or text me or look for me…
What a wonderful fucking world !
i grew up with both my parents being psychologists, arguing was usually a nightmare, watching them fight before the divorce was almost worse not that i was ever too broken up about it. What it taught me though was a very good understanding of the mental health system, and more so how to deceive it my entire life, i knew what to say and how to say it, which kept me out of the wards even when i was walking around with massive cuts on my arms. You see the problem with lying though is you distort reality, and thats just what i did and […]
I’m chilean sorry if you don’t understand something)
It’s weird because in the morning I was very happy and I go out with a friend and blah blah but now like 30 minutes ago BOOM! I fell in “depresion” I mean I feel like a pity, like a fool again.. I don’t want cutting just I fell like I never do something right and I’ve been liying to everybody of who I am I want to be really happy… Not just for a while
And I have ,during a month, the feeling that the relation with my parents it’s made of plastic.. If […]
it just seems to me now at any point in time no matter my expresion or actions it’s in my mind, i cant get rid of it and i dont think i want it to leave me sometimes, but i feel guilty about leaving, i know how i want to do it, i’ve tried before always the same way slitting my wrists i got so close recently but my friend broke down the bathroom stall before i could fully bleed out but I was so close I could feel the refreshing breath on my burning skin. It never mattered that i had friends to hand […]
Tommorow i have a christmas party, at school.
Its suppose to be 75 degrees outside
While everyone else is wearing short sleeved shirts and capris.
Ill be wearking my skinney jeans and long sleeves.
With such fresh cuts as deep as mine
I’ll keep them to my self
Because their mine
Here goes another day living in the life of me…
14 supposedly a beauty queen
Finally in her teens
Always out there causing a scene
Skipping meals to finally become lean
Wishing she could be truly seen
Here it goes in the life of me..
So i am back guys
it has bee a year since i had last been on
here saying i was quiting cutting & pills…
that wish is long fucking gone. My cuts are worse than ever
i almost died & had to go to the hospital for a week cause of pills.
I have to say job well done to life ; you really made me live in
fucking Hell…..
//
Here i sit in class, reviewing for my end of course exams.. and all i can think about is suicide.. Cutting, im thinking about using my scapel for the first time. The sharpness is 0.6mm.. does anyone know how sharp that is .. like if i were just to press it lightly to my skin how deep would it cut me? I know many of you are gonna tell me not to cut, and are probally gonna avoid anwsering the question i dont blame you. But i wanna know ive looked it up on […]
Sometimes I wish I’d just die already. I wish that I’d drowned when I was 2, or hit my head on the concrete as an infant like I almost did, but the universe is dead set on watching me suffer. I’ve tried so many different things to try and make it all go away, I tried cutting, it didn’t help, I tried popping tylenol whenever I felt down, and it helped for a while, but it doesn’t anymore. I’ve tried just crying for a long time, it made me feel worse.
I’m only 13, and life has already ended for me. My past is full of the […]
I started cutting again. My friends didn’t think I had the balls (pun intended since I’m a girl) well surprise mother fuckers. And I couldn’t get the smile off my face since I saw the blood. And razor, its been too long my old friend.
The shooting today.. 20 kids dead… 6 adults it brought up so many memories, that may have even no relation.
First the shock that someone can hurt kids so innocent.. then i remember my past 2 people hurt me.. when i was so young.. to innocent to protect myself. At their entire control, my life was basically in there hands…
Then i thought of how these kids would suffer 5-10 years from now. Like i do today, the symptoms of my PTSD have cause severe depression, anxiety, insomnia, psudo siezures, multiple persanality disorder, and bipolar. I agree some of these may not have been a direct result, […]