I have been struggling with self hatred and poor self esteem for most of my life. It is through a change in friends and family that I have surrounded myself with positive, truly amazing people. I didn’t think life could be lived happily. But it can. I used to cut on myself, I used to do drugs and drink, among many other self destructive behaviors. But it was through the death of my mother through which I know was suicide related, even through my family lists it as “undetermined” that a new path has been made for me. I am now a Christian, I am […]
Tag:
Darkness
I hate feeling the way that ”we” do. I hate feeling so sad and lonely all the time. I hate having to pretend all the time, transforming myself into someone else in order to “fit in” and be liked. I just want to let it all out, let the darkness take over and let the world see how depressed and messed up i really am.
I was raped many times by my older brother when i was younger. But i was so young that i didn’t know what rape was, and so i i thought it was okay what my brother made me do and […]
Do you see how you you have hurt me? I wonder when you are up there if it makes you laugh or if it makes you cry. Oh girl, when you were alive my world was an endless bliss, but now it seems so bleak and empty. Why did you die was it something I did i feel like a colourful canvas which has been washed clean to show complete darkness. I would rip the whole world apart just to spend one more minute in your embrace. Why did you kill yourself? You leave a note saying it is not my fault but then why […]
I’ve read quite a few stories on here and found it helpful to put my own issues into perspective. It hurts to read how many people are suffering. I wish there was something I could do to help…but I can barely help myself. Every setback or failure makes me feel like I’m ready to let go…and every success or good thing makes me feel undeserving and on the verge of failure. It’s so difficult to see that things do get better. Especially when you’ve been alone for such a very long time and you know you’re not typical or normal or not sure you’re worth […]
What is the meaning of life, There is no meaning of life its about what you do and the actions that changes things around you. But i never understood how hateful and harmful people can be not aiding each other in need just letting someone die in cold and regret not giving an hand. but i keep smiling but behind this smiling mask i am crying deeply inside it hurts it hurts soo much i want to leave this world because this hate is killing me inside may what come be good and whats old be gone in eternity help me angel of death leaving […]
I have an obsession with darkness. In the dark or at night there is a calmness. Something you can’t see or touch. But it is there. Of course nights are also filled with pain. With the realization that the loneliness is never ending. I sometimes dread the night. Knowing I will be forever alone. Lost in the darkness. No comfort. No solutions. Just lost and alone throughout eternity. This isn’t a life. This is a curse.
I’m not sure what I’m doing here. All I know is today I feel really bad. I feel like an empty shell just living life as a robot. I am afraid of the darkness yet I want it to engulf me, I just want the pain to end.  It’s been so long living with heartache and the bad memories. I just feel like I want it all to end I’m so tired, so tired I just can’t out of this hole. I pray I can overcome this but I never can. I just it want it all to end just go into the darkness and dissapear.
To A Breathless Oblivion by The Black Dahlia Murder
the chair’s been kicked a rope tied to the rafters
blue faced and broken necked I sigh
relieving my vision from the sick mocking stare
of that hated sun burning the sky
slumped like a headless scarecrow
cold and limp against the wall
blood paints a pattern of rorschach’s design
thawing the winter that burdens this heart
shit stained and shameful
an exit in disgrace
not a splash but just a ripple left
I end this life in vain
in vain
in the dead of the darkness I breach the still lake
toward the reflection of […]
ppl its been so long since iv actually written something.
nothing has really changed in my life except dat it gets worse and i keep on sinking deeper and deeper into this dark hole, im so tired of all these emotions. Iv been going to church alot lately but when i get home i go back to the same old darkness and neverending pain. i cant stand this pain no more. i have nothing left to lose and its not like anyone really cares or truly loves me and it will be best if i just left dis world.
i thought it will get better with time […]
Heaven and Hell exist, but only in yourself…
He is not the Devil
The Devil does not exist
He is the darkness that lives within all of us…
I feel the darkness closing in…but I
like it! I find comfort in things others
fear. Have I only now realized I’m the
square peg trying to fit into that
round hole? I’ve participated in
“normal life”, but I always feel
out of place. This is something that
has been with me since I can
remember (I’ll be 31 on wed.) Always
nipping at my heals, but not taking a
full bite…until recently. I see a dark
room, lit only with the pale light of the
TV. Me laying on the couch in cold
silence. No one around…just me with
my ever racing thoughts…blood,
flesh […]
On good days she feeds you with crumbs. You are irrelevant. You are only the host that carries the attention that she craves. She smiles at the ease with which you’ve flayed yourself open for her to take. She tosses you scraps of your own ignorance. The trail of hope  that keeps you coming back. She’ll peck until there is no more. You give because you know that if you stop, she will stop. She has no capacity to love. You have too much. You can only speak of the darkness in cliches. Your screams to God tearing through the sky like unholy devastation. Finding […]
This is the first thing I’ve written (if you can call it that) in over 6 months. I laughingly call it a poem. It doesn’t rhyme or anything. I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I’m posting it. I don’t normally share this kind of thing. I guess I’m just being sad and pathetic. Sorry.
I fall
into the pit of despair
it grabs my heart as it steals my soul
I’m lost
nowhere to go
no-one to help
and it’s my fault
no-one can know the pain I feel
no-one can know how empty I can be
the times when I look at the world […]
I was randomly going through old poems and found this one I wrote one time on coke. It compares someone who used to be my friend, with myself. How she became homeless, and how it sucks both figuratively and literally. I named it “Drug Trip”. Fitting?
The world spins round
The clouds fall to the ground
Life stops, then starts again in secret
Hide life in the shaddows and watch it dissapear
Return to the light and fade away
Forget the dark, misfit the light, fall
She’s all alone, she hits the bone
Pierces through every nerve
Fall to the ground
Pretend the darkness doesn’t bound
You […]
I am all alone in this mysterious world.I know almost nothing about my life,myself or the world around me.I’m really lost in the darkness of my great ignorance.I don’t know much about myself either.I can’t understand the workings of my own mind.It seems as though I am myself part of the mystery of existence and life.I am so helpless and lonely.The god of this enigmatic universe manipulates and controls all aspects of my life.He controls the innermost parts of my mind.I’m like a toy in his powerful hands.And death is getting closer and closer to me.My life smells of death.My body is so mortal that […]
There are words, tons of words that don’t make sense
There are voices, notes and music in silence
There are memories, lost and cherished, forgotten and found
There are sounds, so many sounds
There are colors, shades and tones in darkness
There is hunger, biting and knawing, completely obsessed
There are scratches and beautiful art between the lines
There are scars in my mind
There are songs on an ordinary day
There is darkness, bitter jealousy bleeding in gray
There are tangled knots in the blue skies
There are scattered pieces in my mind
In my mind
Flowers bloom and never fade or die
In my mind
It […]
hi all. i am 38 and i have been a carpenter all of my life. i am also not one of the thinnest men in the world. i am good at what i do, but there is no joy in me. i live in a little country, were its wrong to not be happy. i find no happynes in anything, and my girlfriend has not been touching me at all for over 4 months.. there is no work to be found. i barly can get the things to fit, and i am always outa money. i have tried to end it before, 2 times to […]
Brothers and Sisters,
I have seen and felt your love in this website. It is encouraging to share with you all, even when at times we do not agree, but that is fine to me. I am not here for you to all agree with me, but to share with all of you how I feel, and what I want to say to you all.
I believe there is always hope for us. We all have heard this many times, and sometimes we become numb to this. However, I still say there’s hope. There’s a small shining ray of light in this darkness. This darkness of […]
The girl that use to sit on this bed was ashamed to call her self a daughter, friend, girlfriend and so on. The girl who use to sit on this bed was scared to face her self in the mirror. The girl who use to sit on this bed would smush her self into a little ball every night and cry. The girl who use to sit on this bed only saw darkness. The girl who sat on this bed never understood why know one wanted her. The girl who use to sit on this bed saw the blood drip from her arm every day […]
Thank you, Lord!.
Thank you, Father!.
Thank you, God!.
You truly are the path of happiness and joy.
I have never in my life felt more happy than now at this very moment.
The darkness of the world confuses us, and makes us pursue earthly desires… money, vanity, lust, fame, food….
Lord break our chains to these sins. We have become slowly slaves to these earthly desires. We wallow in our sins, and we rationalize to ourselves that this is the way. That such pleasures that never fill but increase our void is what is right.
Lord break our chains to these sins. Let us break free. Slaves no more […]