hello everyone.
i have decided that my time has come.
soon i will be ending my life.
maybe this coming up week, or this coming up month. i’m not sure. but it will be soon.
i was thinking about my last words to my family. the last song i will listen to. the last food i eat.
i was thinking about my suicide letter and the way i am going to kill myself.
i am 99% sure i am going to do this soon.
i can’t stand life. i can’t be here anymore. there’s no possible way i will make it.
i’m worthless.
It never goes away completely. Eventually if my mind is quiet it will grab a hold of me & weight me down. I’m tired of smiling. I’m tired of fighting. I just want peace. I feel so dumb bc I can’t seem to understand DBT. What is wrong with me? I yell too much……I believe they are better off without me. They will become stronger. I was never meant to be.
A few months ago I got a call from a girl named Victoria. She was cussing me out and crying and screaming and when she finally told me what was going on…one of my good friends Debbie Valoy had hung herself from the tree in her backyard. The girl told me it was all my fault because I didn’t talk to her for the past two weeks because I had some really serious things going on with my cousins. Their lives were in danger and I warned her that I may not be on facebook for a while. Next thing you know I’m getting that […]
The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I don’t want to hurt anyone but the reason I want to kill myself is because everyone is hurting me.
So, I had an appointment at exactly 10 o’clock sharp this morning to see a psychiatrist, whom I’ll be seeing frequently now, as well as two other counselors.
Anyways, the session was HORRID.
I was taken to the “Nurse’s Office” to be weighed, my height to be checked, blood pressure was taken, and last to have my pulse checked, followed by a series of medical questions.
Then taken a few doors down to the psychiatrist, who was a nice older lady, who talked about my cat sweater I’m wearing.
Being aware that I’m usually being questioned one on one, I figured it would be her asking me the questions, […]
la mort est belle
présenter dans les ténèbres
présenter dans l’abîme noir
présenter dans le néant
la mort est inconnue
essayer de rejoindre
essayer d’obtenir de l’aide
essayer de parler aux gens
la mort est un adieu
dire au revoir
rien que des mensonges
alors qu’ils réalisent
la mort n’est pas comme la vie
“la vie est courte”
que si vous le faites à court
peut-être je vais raccourcir la mine
la mort est étonnant
son évasion, oui permanent
mais est une évasion
un au revoir attristant que
death is beautiful
submit into the darkness
submit into the black abyss
submit into the nothingness
death is unknown
How do you actually know if you’re a living with depression or not?? Yeah you read up on it but how do you actually know. Only recently I’ve had thoughts about killing myself again. Had these thoughts in the past but never gone through with it. Like HOLY FK could my life get any worse now? no money, no savings, filed bankruptcy, a car that needs fixing and now it’s being reprocessed, a gf who wants to leave overseas (but really who would blame her for leaving) it’s in her best interest she leaves me cause I’m just nothing wasted space.. Can’t make the right […]
I’m just completely lost. I don’t know if I should end it already. I’ve been put through so much bullshit that I’m completely fed up. I was molested by my dad’s friend which my dad doesn’t know about because I was young and scared that he’d do something to my family cause he claimed he will if I ever told. I still haven’t said anything and it’s been years. I’ve also be bullied by everyone. Even my own family. I’ve always been really into sports and I’m a girl so my parents, sisters, and brother would always call me a boy because of it. Also, […]
I have spent a long time reading through this site. But never posted.
For the last 3 years now is struggled with depression, caused by job stress, relationship etc. Over the last two month I hit a patch where my job and my boss brought me right down. I’d entertained the idea of suicide, but could never go any further than that because of my partner, whom I love very much.
So for two months I’ve fought back, getting back to a healthy state, then on saturday night, after a good day in the sun, drinking and enjoying my time with my partner and friends, I go […]
Trust is a powerful word and most don’t even realize it but i learned through to many experiences that no one in this world can be 100% trusted. I trusted a group of people from a small town i used to live in and look where that got me…it ended up with me getting bullied day in and day out i trusted every girlfriend i have ever had and look ive been cheated on and used or the bullshit brake up lines like ” its not you its me ” and always over text or by Facebook. I know that their are other people in […]
This isn’t really something I usually do, I’m more of the “bottle it up” kind of guy, but I really need to get this out and Google led me here as an appropriate place to do so. It’s up to you if you want to read all this, but at least if you do, I have some validation of my efforts. Which I imagine would be nice.
Well… here goes.
I should be happy or satisfied enough really, shouldn’t I?
I mean, I did life right. I left school, got a steady dead end job and got myself a place to live independently. In this […]
Life is short but death last forever!
But it seems like it takes forever to die.
its seemed like an non ending illusion ,once i opened my eyes i realized that all what was before ,was nothing but a wrong conception ,i chose to suffer and let my my soul and all these false ideas to consume on my spirit .
it took me like four years to know where am i heading to ,four years of hurting and blaming myself for things i didnt do
but now i think its the time for me to end it ,and make a decesion ,which is like this :
becaus i i ll find release when Death comes to take me someday […]
I don’t know, I’m bored. I slept all day. I have nothing to do. So I guess I’ll tell you my story. I’ve been cutting for 4 years now, it started out as something small. Just one cut, then two cuts, and then before I knew it I was cutting all the way up my arm and on my legs and thighs and my stomach. It’s now an addiction. Wether I’m feeling shitty or not. I need to cut. I want to cut. But I’ve tried suicide multiple times, I’ve chickened out a couple times, I’ve failed a couple times. But I woke up one […]
Here I am lying in bed, the worst thing to do when your depressed. I’m 13… I cry inside everyday. two weeks ago we had our winter/Christmas break. Over the holidays I was planning on relaxing and enjoying my break without any homework. It’s really hard for me to continue this blog but I feel like if just one person might be able to relate to my crazy messed up situation at least i can help someone in my last 24 hours of life. Anyways back to point, a few weeks ago during break my parents got in the car to go to work and […]
I’ve been pondering this for over a year, Â I told myself that if life didn’t get better by the new years came, I’m killing myself. I’ve got no reason to live, I’ve got no motivation to do anything more than stay at home, at school I’m failing every single one of my classes, I’ve got no friends, my family is gone, my teachers hate me, people in school hate me, and I hate myself. Today was it, someone useless like me is better dead anyways, I don’t even know anyone who could possible care about this suicide not.
So tonight, I’m gonna drink all the pills […]
I swear to god, I can’t deal with my sister and her stupid friend. All my sister does is criticize me and her friend constantly puts me down and insults me. Honestly, I’m about done with it. I can’t put on a fake smile and pretend everything’s okay anymore or I’ll go insane. I’m thinking of these four different things to do…
1. I could politely ask them to stop
2. I could tell them to stop more assertively
3. I could punch them both in the face
4. I could not say anything and start crying like a baby
God knows I am way to much of a coward […]
My foster mother keep bribing me to tell her what’s wrong. But for some reason, I keep refusing. She kicked my leg and said, “Come on dear, please tell me!” I just got up and walked into my room, having a good hard cry. I never hurt so bad since I’ve been in foster care for a month and a half. Just fuck it all. Fuck life. I’m fucking over it. Kill me now. I’m done.
And to make matters worse, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me, so I broke up with him. Now I’m alone because I had nobody else to talk […]
i feel like im drowning in my own thoughts. they suck me down further and further and i cant avoid it. i lost a close friend today and dont know if i can get him back. even though i pushed him away. he told the guy i was talking to the stuff i told him about the guy i like. he came to one of my classes today and i told him to leave. he tweeted that he was crying and i physically feel like my heart is breaking. i drown in more thoughts and i dont know what to do. i ruin everything i […]
Belief in any kind of afterlife, whether its in heaven/hell or reincarnation, i think is only because those people can’t accept death for what it is. it hides their biggest insecurity and fear of death for themselves or loved ones.
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