This is beginning to be too much. The world has been so dark and hopeless for the past year. I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me. I keep telling myself, “You’re fine. Get the fuck out of bed, and live your life.” only to discover that I have no motivation. I tell myself I do, but I don’t. After the stress, the tears, the panic attacks, the breakdowns. I can’t bring myself to admit that I need help. I don’t need help. I just don’t. I can’t bring myself to even talk to people anymore. Everyone thinks I’m mad at them, but ever since […]
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deep
I’ve made up my mind I want to die, I don’t see the point my existence anymore. The only thing holding me back is my fear of the pain before I go, I don’t want to die thinking only of the pain I want to go while I’m thinking of my friends and family… Some of you reading this may question “if you have family and friends why do you want to die it’s pointless?” and the sad fact is that I simply give up, I give up fighting all these emotions and I give up to the pain and suffering hard times have given […]
maybe i feel much more of a purpose, ive gone my whole life be selfish, no im more alone then i ever was, even during my past depression. I have anxitey, last night it leaked in to my dreams, as i shook the fetal postion for a drop of compassion. maybe i just hope someone would help me, i put on a ever so happy front, when this depression stuck so down deep, i wish someone would help me, show me
I cry,
and it hurts,
like acid streaming down my face,
tattooing the trails,
as they flow down my cheeks,
and drip from my chin.
The knife stings,
as i slice deep into my arm,
I smile,
and the blood runs warm,
then I go numb.
The darkness fades away to black,
and my body tenses,
I can hear someone screaming,
far off in the distance,
screaming,
yelling my name,
I try to respond,
but I cant,
I cant move,
I cant make a sound.
Then,
I realize what I have done,
and I stand,
looking over my cold lifeless body,
as you,
come and hold my hand,
The title describes me completely…I’m a worthless idiot,a pathetic piece of shit…
I fail at everything I do.I do nothing right.Everyone who trusted in me ended up being disappointed by my worthlessness.My parents,my relatives,my friends,my ex girlfriend…And the list of people who I’ve disappointed continues…
Just to show you how much more I can fail,I’ve even failed at dying.Yes,I failed at dying.Two weeks ago I have slit my wrists,but I,being the pathetic idiot I am,was afraid that cutting ”too deep” will give me too much pain…See?I can’t even kill myself right.I had to go to the E.R. and I looked like the complete idiot I am when […]
My anxious is peeking and for the stupidest of reasons. I just want to go home, get in bed and sleep the next week away. There is a pretty high probability I am going to run into an ex next week. Ideally, I don’t want to run into her, nor have her know I’m in the building, but life likes to throw these tests at us.
Even though I am going to do everything in my power to avoid meeting face to face, I just can’t stop planning out how such a potential interaction will go. Why do I keep planning and analyzing a future situation […]
I used to be a lively person. I remember it vividly when I was younger I was always happy when asked about where would I be when I’m older and those similar questions. It was the downfall of me when I failed the entrance exam into the most prestigious high school in my town. I always had a high expectation strolling right behind me and my parents. I expected myself to be able to do just about anything I could imagine of doing.
But reality hits me rock-hard. I wasn’t accepted into the school that my sister went to. My parents claimed that they’re okay with the […]
To all of the ass holes, the miscreants and the filth out there sounding the earth I’m done, I don’t need to be hear anymore. You along with many other things have pushed me to the edge then when I’m grasping on to the cliff for dear life you stomp on my hands, I hqve things to tell you before I am gone, I’m sick and tiers of your comments and your judgements, all If your discrimination and lies, I AM GAY, I AM A NERD, And you know what YOUR AN ASSHOLE. if you think you can judge people because they like someone of […]
“Take a leap of faith” you said
“and leave this foreign place instead
where demons breathe and dreamers die
and pain and hatred coincide”
“and then what happens?” I replied
I couldn’t even if I tried”
You took my hand and said to me
“trust me, let’s just run and flee”
we race through chasms deep and wide
where some have lived and others died
through broken lands of dust we pass
as we walk on roads of shattered glass
just you and me against the world
where hopes and dreams begin to blur
we run for days, for years and more
and witness all […]
I hate the moment when a decision becomes a regret.
I kept telling myself that everything would work out. Â But there comes a point where you can’t lie to yourself anymore. I feel like I’ve dug myself a hole that’s too deep. All the little things that IÂ tried to overlook are surfacing. I can’t reason with myself anymore, I can only see the negative.
It’s suffocating.
Every decision that I have made each mistake and failure in my life is floating around inside my head. The fact that i’m emotionally disconnected because I’m terrified of feeling anymore more pain. I don’t want anyone not even my ex and deep down I think I still love him. I still talk to him I still see him and I’m sure that’s a big mistake on my part. But I can’t let go maybe it’s because I’m afraid, maybe I like remembering the good. Its unhealthy I know that, but I seriously think that there is something wrong with me mentally. Is it wrong […]
I’ve been ‘suicidal’ for awhile. I’ve attempted, been hospitalized, and seen counselors. I never told anyone the real reason, deep down. I told enough to convince people but I was afraid to share the real stuff.
Last night I was writing my suicide note when the closest person in my life, unknowingly, helped me. He started throwing these rubber toys at me and it made me laugh. He’s been teaching me how to shoot rubber bands, too.
But after he went home, and I was there all alone, I knew that I was on the very edge. And one little game wouldn’t take me back to that […]
Why do those who live in the war of staying strong continue to fight if the battle is never ending? Why must you go through so much pain in order to deserve a shred of happiness? Does it end? Is what they say true, that after so long, the striking pain eases? And why do I and so many others, use physical pain to fight off the mental pain? It only helps temporarily, but still, any help is worth my time. Can we just stop all the sadness and live a life of bliss and peace? Or is that too selfish to ask? Why do […]
Hm. Maybe less than a week if things go well, and a warm bath with steel will be it. I finally see the light at the end. Hahaha. No one knows no one knows. Lock the door turn up the music and let the water and red run together. Bye bye guilt bye bye grief I’ve finally cracked but now I’m taking these demons down with me! No more jitters no more anxiety no more numbness no more pills no more fucked up brain no more pain in other’s eyes no more no more no more I finally get what I deserve
No more. It doesn’t […]
I’ve been so lonely lately and I feel like my music is the only thing I have to hold on to. Nobody will listen to me when I speak, when I cry, when I scream, I feel like I’m falling into a deep dark hole. Never to return again.
I’ve had so many thoughts about running away or killing myself… I’m starting to scare even myself.
I’ve always hated myself. I’ve never actually felt love except for when I was a kid. I’m still falling into the endless void.
Always was. Always will be…
One: suicide because they dint got what they want
Two: suicide because they are deep thinkers
I ve seen all sp users are first category- They keep ranting about their problems
If you suicidal because of your problems you  are a “super fool” in this world.
It’s just m note that I was going to leave near… Just don’t expect much from it.
Why am I on this earth, if all I do is the same thing. Day after day all I do is repeat the last day, the only difference is that each day I get in a little more shit.
I feel like no one listens to me, and everyone is just there to bug me and stop me from being happy.
When I was doing various drugs, I was happy, and I could do my schoolwork without dying a little inside.
I should have been a girl, and not autistic.
Autism is […]
“I loved you. I still do.” Tears run down her face and drop from her cheeks. She looks at the lifeless body, the closed eyes and takes one hand, as she used to. It feels cold and limp. “Do you remember as a child, when you came running towards me, jumped on my lap and gave me long hugs whenever I wasn’t feeling well? Now, when I need you the most, you are not even here to hold my hands.” Her voice was weak and she stuttered, but she knew he could hear her. It was then when she noticed how peaceful he looked, as […]
I’m tired of being taken advantage of and sacrificing everything that has defined me. The lies, betrayal, and overall the feeling of stupidity has destroyed my way of life. I never have put so much depth into thoughts, creating these insane scenarios, having my mind beat me till I’m black and blue. People. The more I surround myself with people, the worse everything gets. Taunted, ridiculed, and abused for absolutely no reason at all. The second that happens, I instantly feel lower than others, comparing myself to others. Deep down, I’m fucking raging with hate and  desperately seeking for some kind of justification for all […]
Every morning I wake up and it’s the same: I’m still alive. Sometime I wake up and cry, other times I sit up and hold in the pain afraid my mother or brother will notice it. Some days I don’t get up. I skip school and lie in bed looking at the ceiling or sleeping, trying to escape reality. I hear as my mother walks into my room and asks worriedly if I think it’s normal to stay in bed all day and all I can do is nod. I don’t have the strength to get out of bed and face life. All I can […]