I’m sitting here at 4 in the morning because I’m in too much emotional pain to sleep. I can’t stand being myself. I care too much for my best friend. I don’t understand it. I think I love her as more than a friend, even though we are the same gender. I have to force myself to support her when she tells me that she wants to be with a guy. I have to sit and pretend she isn’t sleeping with someone else. I have to pretend I don’t love her because it would ruin our friendship. But I love this person so much. I care […]
Tag:
Drift
I’m not someone who anybody would suspect to be suicidal. I’m 17. I have the top grades in my class. I’m pretty (or so people tell me). I have a great group of friends. I’m popular. I’m funny. I’m well dressed. But at the end of the day, I hate myself. I hate myself more than anyone else could possibly hate me. But I’m still here. Read this and I’ll tell you why.
As I’m typing this tears are streaming down my face. My mom just finished another round of yelling at me to kill myself and how I’m a failure who will never amount to […]
I honestly don’t know where to begin. I know this isn’t where I thought I would be, at 34. Writing an anonymous blog about how the scope of my life suddenly seems meaningless.  I’m tired of smiling on the outside when I’m crying on the inside. I’m tired of helping people through all their misery and pain, yet they forget to help me when I’m in need. I’m tired of work, and the stress it has caused me — but I’ve gone too far. I’m too accomplished that leaving would cause all the would-be supporters to clamor, “you’re such an idiot for throwing away your career.” […]
8 minutes. I was 8 minutes too late to catch the very end of the Liverpool vs Arsenal game tonight.
I’m not your regular football fan, in fact I’ve never even watched a full game before… Until recently I had never presented an interest in Football, but it’s basically our sport, England’s sport, just like ice-hockey to Canada or basketball/baseball to America. And to not even know how the game is supposed to function doesn’t quite give off the impression that I’m proud to be English. And also there’s this guy, and well the guy before that, and the majority of my male friends for that […]
I think that a way to kill myself which wouldn’t cause too much trauma for my family would be to let my road bike drift into the path of an oncoming semi-tractor/trailor.  Death would be virtually certain if I ride on a road with a high enough speed limit, and it would look like an accident instead of an intentional act. They wouldn’t have to suffer the stigma of having me kill myself. It would be neat and clean, and fortunately their financial security would be guaranteed.
For a moment the pain would be excruciating after getting run over by a truck, but that much pain […]
Oh , night you beautiful ,
when darkness is growing
over the Carpathians.
Eternal melody that awake
memories from past and dreams.
This is my deastiny – darkness eternal
Cold night embrace me in her beauty ,
when freezing mist drift
over Transylvanian woods
that my body loses all senses.
Rain into the darkness falls like blood
from the sky on the cemetery where drain.
Eternity , ilusions and dreams –
recognize salvation.
Is light of life thet dying in me.
Is ice of sorrow the crystal in my eyes.
Fate of death and salvation tonight
I hear sing.
Everyday I dream of winter. Â The warm blankets wrapped around me, while I stare out at the dark moonlit night, watching snowflakes drift past my window. Â This saddening feeling, of utter loss, while the sky and ground alike form puddles. Â Bending and twisting, falling and repeating, tears roll down my tired, worn out cheeks. Â The door closed behind me, the window open wide. Â A cold wind twists my hair about, ending in a messy curl about my neck. Â Memories slowly happen again before my eyes, reliving past joys. Â This old woman, with tears still in her eyes, smiles sweetly and warmly, before saying goodbye to […]
Hi,
I`m male, 29. I suffer from Schizophrenia(the doctors say). In general, I fear that people around me is not there voluntarily, like they`re sort of reading of a note, and doing what their told(by force one might say). Which is a big problem when it comes to women. Some things between man and woman are pretty bad when they happen by force(you know what I`m aiming at).
I hear a lot of voices which tense me to the point of wanting to crush my skull against the wall(I sort of get a release by visualizing it, wich is pretty violent imagery, and sort of weird, lol). […]
Worried faces stare at me,
I try and hide the agony,
Buried within, so deep inside ,
So deep that I no longer cry.
nothing helps to cure the pain,
blood from my wrists like crimson rain,
so sad and helpless what to do,
When you have no one to turn to.
Close my eyes, get some sleep,
Silent tears no longer weep,
feel like nobody has to know
An eternal slumber i will go,
Eyelids heavy drift away,
To a hopeful bright and newer place,
How lost I was, when I found out,
The outcome of my chosen route,
my minds racing, so constantly,
i hardly have time to breathe,
Who knew the choice to just give up,
Would lead to a neverending depression.
HAd a rough night last night. I cannot wait for the battle to just end. But while I’m here it just takes away all my energy and all my strength. I’m not hungry though i at smoething small. I’m not really thirty. I’m just so very tired. So very empty and tired. I feel like a rock that sits on the rviver bed but the strong current can’t move me no matter what. I just need to go back to sleep and see if this is finally the time I will be allowd to leave. Rest my head on this pillow and just dream. Just […]
For so many years of my life, I’ve endured the constant feeling of sadness and feeling alone. Every day, progressively worse than the last. Then the day came where I met someone who gave me a breathe of fresh air in my life, and gave me a purpose and reason to live. How great it was to love something more than yourself. She lives 10 hours away, I sold everything I own in this world to go see her, I leave tomorrow.
But why is it I’m so close, but I feel so scared? I feel as though I’ve already lost her, and I haven’t even […]
Another lonesome night spent lamenting unknowable if’s and but’s. The walls are coming down, crumbling, slight cracks snake up from the ground, chips of plaster abandon there post and tumble hard, downwards. I sit, watching, and the last shudders of life drift out to rejoin the ether.
I sit and smile, an effect distilled from the pleasure of both watching this event and feeling it. I am a pathetic husk of a human being, an irretrievably broken man, endlessly pestered by apathetic and cowardly thoughts, of means to escape my open cage. I am institutionalized, I fear.
A throbbing vein mocks me as I contemplate a sharp edge. […]
I do not pretend I am not in pain when I walk through the halls of the university. Then again people do believe I am full of life, energy and charisma but what they do not know is the reason I come every day with long sleeves to the university. I am done with the concept of living for I know death is already part of my consciousness. I will not go to my Judo classes with long sleeves anymore and suffocate. I will not enter a classroom and pretend the murmur of the people talking to one another does not cause me paranoia.
Should I […]
I feel as though i just drift threw life no feelings no nothing.I dont even thimk im me anymore.i dont feel as though im here i feel like like nothing is real.theres no point in being here if i cant feel anything anymore.gosh i just want to say f it and kill myself.thres nothing to live for anyway