Even if you know you’re just eating to fill the void inside. Though, the hunger pangs are real… Maybe the empty void turns into a physical manisfestation where you do feel a biological need/want to constantly eat?
What I don’t need is the extra weight tho…
My aunty is visiting me before I leave for college, and she is the prettiest of my mom’s siblings because she uses the most makeup and she is the “beauty expert”. The only downside to this is that she cares way too much about her looks and comments on other peoples’ too. I was at the mall with her today with one of my other family members, and she kept talking about how much smaller she is than I am, yet she still has more than double my breast size. She kept saying comments during dinner (we ate saucy chicken wings from her favorite restaurant) about […]
Don’t you just love it when you’re family, who you’re not with most the day, tell you that “you’re so fat! how much can you eat?! Just stop eating the entire house!” when you’re just making a egg sandwich and its the first thing you’ve eaten for 1 and half days. Now they’re telling me I’m wasteful for leaving a boiled egg in the fridge. why don’t I just don’t eat ever again. why don’t I just not eat anything so I’m never wasteful. How about I just die so I’m wasting any of your time, not wasting space in your house, not doing anything […]
The thought of death always occur to me. Eating, showering, every fucking time. But as always, I stay at the gray area. Always. Always. Both doors open at the same time. Change or death? Both seems so nice. Bipolar? Me? I dunno, man. I don’t get a fucking thing. Sometimes, I’m too high to function. Sometimes, I’m too low to function. AND WELL SOMETIMES I’M JUST A FUCKING COWARD. I am the worst. The most disgusting asshole. I am fucking weak. A coward. I am ugly. My body is too fucking thin. Like fucking 33kg. My jaws are too large. But nevertheless, my lover loved […]
“not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not fit enough.”
It echoes it echoes it echoes
Unwanted, unloved, and alone
You’re sick, you’re dying, and you’re cold
The smell of another doctors office
And another face like stone
The sound of machines buzzing
And you wonder why he didn’t show
Daddy, don’t you care
To know if your little girl will live
Why were you never there?
From sad beginning to bitter end
Mom, you tried your best
You’ll always be my best friend
But I guess I failed the test
It’s time for my greatest sin
Bang
Test the gun
Bang
One more time
A bullet for […]
He told me that he loved me more than anything, and left me.
He told me I was his best friend, but he didn’t want to see me.
He cried for the first time in years and said that all he wanted was to go home with me and watch a movie, and then he dropped me at my sister’s house.
That was three days ago. The story has changed since then; he just needs to be alone. I can give him space. I can be alone, too, I’ve done it before. But I can’t stand not being able to hold his hand, lean on his shoulder, hear him […]
I feel like I’m falling back to my old habbits. The last weeks I started to take more and more control about eating and exercising. My life’s turning again about (not) eating and exercising and trying to hide it all. But I’m fine with it, because my life is a little bit more bearable now, and I have sometimes a little happy moment (if I lost some weight or had a good exercise). And I know it’s unhealthy and stuff, but it’s keeping me from suicide, so that’s a good thing, right? And I’m going to be more happy with my body. I love the […]
I’ve been really bad this last week binge eating a lot and I feel so awful I gained three pounds I need to not eat at all next week to make up for it. I wont eat anyway I have exams…
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