Everything I’ve achieved up to this point seems useless. Today I got my school year’s grades and I’m simply useless. Everything I’m doing is pointless. I wish I didn’t care about anyone and could end everything, but I don’t want to put my mum through that. Sleep is escaping me.
-V
The shadow of darkness is too much to bear.
This life, this misery, must come to an end.
No more will I suffer this nightmare.
Too much is broken, too much to mend.
The demons torture and destroy me in my head.
Here and now this nightmare ends, it’s time to put these demons to bed.
On this day I will live and die.
On this day I say goodbye.
Well, life’s a struggle for some isn’t it? As long as I can remember I’ve disliked myself, always feeling less than others, not good enough, but needing to be perfect. I’m one of those people who tried about everything to find the happiness, the peace and the love within. I’ve done Vipassana meditation retreats (15 times 10 days), years of self-inquiry, many times Ayahuasca and Iboga (powerful shamanic practices), listened to hundreds of hours to Eckhart Tolle, Mooji, Abraham Hicks and other teachers, Sedona Method, EFT, NLP, you name it.
It all helped, certainly to ease the greatest distress of the moment. Each time crawling out […]
What did I do to deserve this life?
Im so sorry
I just want it to end
I don’t want to feel
I don’t want to think
I just want to be free
Is that honestly to much to ask?
Here is the deal, im poor,black, and my future is not bright. I live in a world that many people online may not understand. It is a cruel world where people are homeless, drunks, in poverty, and life is cheap. Those are the lucky ones. The unlucky ones end up in jail or dead. I came from an ok home, i guess. Though,, i went to college, and cant find work. I just want to get good heatlhcare, and a decent job so i can get away from my “family.” I may end up homeless one day, but thats ok. I know that i have […]
I was happy before the pain began. I was a better person.
Going on three years now of a mystery illness that’s drained me of who I am. Been to several doctors this past year, took a whole year off from college and still no answers. I have just continued to feel worse and worse. I have lost all functionality as a human being. My family now expects me to get a job because at 22 I can’t be taken care of forever but I can’t work.
I don’t want to kill myself because of a lack of caring on anyone’s part. My family has helped me […]
Somedays i feel like it’s so hard to understand anyone or anything around me.. I dislike waking up in the morning and knowing that, i have to live for another day.. Everyone constantly says that, there’s no such thing as feeling sad forever, and eventually we’ll all get out of this hell. But it’s not true, i’ve been waiting for so long for all of these to end. Why hasn’t it..? I want to be free as well yet it seems so impossible when i’m living on this earth.. So many things have been going on for the past 2years, i’ve waited very patiently.. for […]
Hi, My name is stefan and I’m 31 years old. I made many mistakes in my
life and caused pain to a lot of people. I?m absolutely sure I will end
up in hell after committing suicide. I realy like to talk to other
people that know for sure they will end up in hell.
I?m blind so most parts of this site are not accessible for me. So
please answer me by email. my email address is: stefan@deds.nl
Best regards, Stefan.
Caught
In a rut, in a strut
In always having rotten luck
In parading around, no end to be found
To always letting myself get cut
And burned
By the same old things
Caught
In a lie, by and by–
In the absence of cut and dry
It’s easier to smile and avoid their eyes
Than to let loose the truth I have no name for,
No cage for
Caught
In a lack if words
Between maybe wanting to be heard
And a need to never be seen again,
A wish to hide away from the world
Caught
With a snap, in a trap,
Falling into the ancient […]
Did a random entry on a search engine for ‘I’m so fucking lonely’, and this was one of the results. Seems legit.
I haven’t read a bunch on here, but I do know that if I was not sure that there is an existence after we die, I’d have been dead quite a few years ago. I wish I didn’t have this knowledge. The way things are right now, I’d rather not be here. I don’t have the gut’s to put an end to this existence knowing I’ll have to face my maker on the other side.
Do you ever get the feeling that everyone is fucking with you?
You don’t know who to trust, or who to believe.
It’s even harder when you’re paranoid to begin with.
What are you supposed to do when everyone you’ve ever
known has ended up screwing you over?
I can only think of one person in my life who has never let me down.
That person would be my father.
But then again, when push comes to shove,
he always rises to the defense of my psychotic mother over me.
He says that it’s the way it has to be.
If mental illness really is a genetic thing,
then I got it from my mother
and I […]
Im thinking of where it should end…
A mountain?
A forest?
A beach?
A lake?
Back where it all began or somewhere totally new?
Rain or sun?
Day or night?
Swift or after one final time of reflection on what was what could have been and what will never be?
Thoughts?
Hi, My name is stefan and I?m 31 years old. I made many mistakes in my
life and caused pain to a lot of people. I?m absolutely sure I will end
up in hell after committing suicide. I realy like to talk to other
people that know for sure they will end up in hell.
I?m blind so most parts of this site are not accessible for me. So
please answer me by email. my email address is: stefan@deds.nl
Best regards, Stefan.
From being young to many problems or a problem.
Each step was tough or maybe it still tough cause nothing has changed.
No one gets my state,maybe I should be the one getting to change my state in my own way by taking my own life.
Lies I have told,hidden in the dark in clear day light
Sharing my story is a waste of time cause it all end the same way, it passes by like nothing ever been told.
So ugly thoughts come up,should I take my self down?
I’m nothing than another day tomorrow suffering.
Having those ones who care is playing […]
Hi, My name is stefan and I?m 31 years old. I made many mistakes in my
life and caused pain to a lot of people. I?m absolutely sure I will end
up in hell after committing suicide. I realy like to talk to other
people that know for sure they will end up in hell.
I?m blind so most parts of this site are not accessible for me. So
please answer me by email. my email address is: stefan@deds.nl
Best regards, Stefan.
I ended up saying something too weird, donc, I had to end up deleting the thread. -_-
Yesterday I decided to make a list of all the reasons why I need to “Leave.” Within minutes, I’d come up with 18. I could have kept going all day. The list has since continued to expand.
I’ve considered suicide before, but I now have firm plans to make my “Exit” in just a few weeks’ time. Despite having spent the past 25 years in therapy, I haven’t been at all successful in changing my unhealthy patterns; no matter how conscious I am of my issues or how carefully I make decisions, I always end up in crap situations and attracting people who are more broken […]
Hi, My name is stefan and I’m 31 years old. I made many mistakes in my
life and caused pain to a lot of people. I?m absolutely sure I will end
up in hell after committing suicide. I realy like to talk to other
people that know for sure they will end up in hell.
I?m blind so most parts of this site are not accessible for me. So
please answer me by email. my email address is: stefan@deds.nl
Best regards, Stefan.
Hi, My name is stefan and I’m 31 years old. I made many mistakes in my life and caused pain to a lot of people. I’m absolutely sure I will end up in hell after committing suicide. I realy like to talk to other people that know for sure they will end up in hell.
I’m blind so most parts of this site are not accessible for me. So please answer me by email. my email address is: stefan@deds.nl
Best regards, Stefan.
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