i always wonder how it was to have friend, how is it to have people that cares for you or that would actually give a shit if tomorrow they woke but you didn’t. how is it really, cause all i know is that I’ve always been alone all me life and never really had any affection from someone other then myself, lol funny cause even myself don’t like myself, so i never loved or felt loved, i always wonder how it felt, like does you really think of the person all the time, do you really do things for the good of that person, does […]
Tag:
ending
I thought I’d put my suicide note here. I don’t really wanna leave a note for anyone I know but I know I wanna leave some sort of note. Being a completely new member here allows me the chance to say anything without prejudice.
Ive suffered with mental illness all my life. One of my 1st ever memories is of a childish and feeble suicide attempt. I can’t have been more than 5. I’m the youngest of 6 brothers and I have the greatest mum in the world. Although my childhood was outwardly great I always knew something was wrong. I was a gifted child both […]
my life is boring.their is no hope to live the life the way i wanted.i haven’t done nothing which i like in my life.i gave up my career. their is no hope to live. im ending my life. this is my best decision in my life.
I hate myself.
I hate myself because I know that others have it way way worse than me and they aren’t complaining. I hate myself because I am not skinny enough. I am not smart enough. I am not pretty enough. I’m not nice enough. I’m not friendly enough. I’m not out-going enough. I’m not talkative enough. I’m not open enough. I’m not perfect enough. I’m just…. not enough. I hate that I’m such… an attention whore. I hate that a lot of people have it way worse than me and I’m here just cry a river and thinking of ending it, but it ending because […]
I feel…dead….I know thats my wish. Is to die…but i already feel dead. Im empty, broken, soul-less. I just feel alone and lost. Why do I even bother trying to get people to like me? Why do I event ry and fit in? To be normal? Im not. Im far from normal. Im a monster. First a monster to myself, but now I’ve let it free and it’s terrorizing those around me. My parents keep getting mad at me cause I “hide in my room all day” yeah, well thats cause I’m trying not to hurt anyone besides myself. So I lock myself in my […]
Still have hope for a better life?
Don’t want to cause pain to loved ones?
Don’t really want to be dead yet and just exploring the possibility of one’s “exit options”?
Use the thought of suicide just to self-sooth the pain?
Ambivalent about dying?
Lack of courage to commit suicide?
Procrastination on suicide?
Afraid of failing your attempt and ending up in a worse state?
Fear of death/hell/afterlife/God’s judgement?
Or something else?
I’m only here because I’m afraid of failing and ending up in a worse state… There are things far worse than death. For instance, my current life. But it would be much, much worse if I end up with brain injury and in […]
Hello all,
This is not a suicide note. Nor is it a plea for help, understanding, and it’s definitely not intended to try and scour out techniques and methods for end of life. I know what I’m prepared to do (helium exit bag seems to be the winning candidate so far) and I’ve set a date for December 1st. I did this because what little hope I have left (eroding by the minute – literally), things might (but probably wont – story of my life) turn around.
I joined this board because for years I’ve been thinking of ending my life. I’m a complete and total failure and […]
Well, I’ve certainly thought about suicide long enough and after 3 attempts I sure know how to cross the psychological line, to push through the barrier, to take my own life. So why do it? Well, here’s why…
– Abuse as a child. Now, whilst that may kill some all on it’s own believe it or not it’s not the only reason. Just one of a long long list of abuses I’ve endured
– Cancer at age 17. Battled that for 5 years and still carry significant issues 35 years later. One doctor butchered me so bad that even other doctors asked “Who did that to you?”. […]
I’m just sick of this life. I don’t want to go to school and get bullied everyday, I don’t want to be poor anymore, I don’t want so many things to happen… But they do.
Cause this is life. Life sucks. Maybe not everybody is meant to wait for their ending, maybe some of us need to take care of that earlier. Which I’ll do.
Some background info. I’m 15, bad looking, anorexic (92 pounds) and poor. Been bullied last year of school in 9th grade and dropped out of school because I couldn’t stand it anymore… Now I’m into one of the worst high schools in […]
I’m 27. I’ve been depressed since I was a teenager and quit high school when I was 17. I’ve been dealing with anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts ever since. I’ve lived many years as a hermit, then started going to therapy and I was institutionalized for a year. Then last year, when I had turned 26, I was done with therapy and I needed to take the next step, so I went back to school. I don’t have any diploma’s, noone is going to hire me (nor am I ready for a job), so school it was.
Less than a year ago I decided to end my life the other day. I haven’t had a plan and haven’t thought about it much, or at least, seriously. But that day I woke up and felt ready. Finally.
I was supposed to go to my psychologist that day, but I was so frustrated to the fact that nothing changes. I’m still depressed. How exactly is it gonna help me talk about it?
I was on the bus on my way to the clinic and planned my little escape. I always carry with me enough pills to overdose. I call it ‘my suicide kit’. You know, for […]
My name is Karman Quinn Steward, I am 20 years old, and I attempted to take my life. Three times…
March 29th, 1994-June 12th, 2012
March 29th, 1994-February 3rd, 2013
March 29th, 1994-August 18th, 2013
For the first time in a long while, I was boiling with a sick determination. I was ready to make one of the above be the cover of my funeral program. Every one of my family members, friends, loved ones, and everything in between would gather to see me finally at peace. The confusion I thought they deserved would cloud their minds…
“I should have called her more.”
“But she […]
I will be ending it once I get some affairs in order, I’ve said it before but I simply have nothing left and am exhausted to the core. Despite everything I’ve never been an evil person and was already suffering badly when you decided to start tormenting me and forming coalitions by deception and hacking tricks to do your best to ruin my life any way you could. I’m tired of living like this, I’m sure after I’m gone you will celebrate that you caused the death of another human being. I may have no accomplishments in my life but that is one I’m glad […]
This morning I woke up with a different mentality. I don’t know why, something just clicked inside my head. I don’t want to die. I still have things to do. People to meet. People to help. People to love. And I don’t want to miss out on that. Not now, anyway.
I’m not guaranteeing that I won’t ever end it, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’m reconsidering for the time being. I don’t want you all to worry.
The people I have met on this site have changed my life forever. They have opened my eyes to the world […]
Is it sad that the only reason I’m still living is for my pets?
Is it sad that I steal my mothers pain medication?
Is it sad that I sleep with a football player who I have no feelings for?
Is it sad that whenever people ask me if I’m okay I avoid the question?
Is it sad that every day I dream about ending my life?
Is it sad that the only response I give people is “I don’t care”?
Is it sad that I’ve drawn everyone away?
Is it sad that my father doesn’t even know how to spell my name?
Is it sad that I’m so desperate for help that […]
Okay, well where should I begin? First, you should know that I’m not a very open person. At all. Second, I’ve been “depressed” for about a year now. Or maybe longer, I don’t really know. Not many people know about my depression. And yes I’ve self harmed many times.
This is currently my second day of missing school and I’m so far behind already that it’s frightening. I lack the motivation to do anything anymore. I’ve basically ruined every relationship I’ve ever had. And I’m currently destroying all my friendships because I don’t have the energy to keep up with everyone. Have I tried discussing this […]
It’s been a long time coming and many failed attempts are piled up amidst the endlessly towering walls I’ve built up. Not everything I do fails. Not everyone I meet I make unhappy. But enough do that it might as well be everyone and everything.
I don’t want to hold on. I do so for others and fuck, I have tried. I moved, moved again, got a new job, adjusted meds, started therapy. The thoughts– fantasies, perhaps- of my demise never find a chance to subside.
I’ve been depressed since I was 10. Abusive and oppressive household and general faulty wiring to blame. This turned into severe […]
I have been in pain for years and I think about ending my life everyday. It’s not about wanting to die, but there is too much pain to handle any more. At this point I am trying to get things in order.
For me, the pain started decades ago when I was abused by priests. I tried to live with it, and for a long time I was able to cope. Unfortunately my mental health has deteriorated along with my physical health for many years and it is no longer a weight that I can carry. I have been diagnosed and re-diagnosed several times – enough […]
We are all born, for the most part, knowing absolutely nothing about where we are or why we came into existence. When we grow old enough, we eventually learn of the inevitable mortality we will all face; we all discover there is an end to life. Sometimes, I go to sleep and wake up wondering what’s after all of this existence. I grew up living within the structure of a Christian denomination, which presents the possibility of ending up in either Heaven or Hell, depending on how unjust or just of a life I lead. On the flip side, as I’m sure many have, I […]
I talked to someone today and he helped me a lot. He gave me a ray of hope and a thought about something that I need to try to do, and I felt better than I had in quite a while, but… I still can’t stop crying and wanting to just end it all. I’m trying out something where I wait out the week and see if I can retrieve some money or items from the person who has been scamming me, but I don’t know if I’ll get anything back. If I do make the decision to end it, there are things that I […]