I’m depressed and fantasize about suicide because the medical community can’t tell me why I’m in pain or how to fix my pain. However, they won’t prescribe me medication to deal with the pain because I’m depressed and fantasize about suicide. The never ending cycle of “screw me,” continues.
Tag:
ending
Anxiety. Depression. Panic Attacks. Two years ago I fell into a deep, deep depression where I could think about nothing but ending it. That’s what I wanted most. I lost ALL of my friends by pushing them away with my constant depression and negativity. Things started getting better, or so I thought. Maybe I was just too busy to notice my anxiety. Maybe it never went away. All I know is when my panic attacks start back up, they are getting more and more intense. Much worse than in the past. At least then I had more self control to try to keep busy and […]
i don’t want to feel for you. i wish i never met you; right now it’s impossible to rid myself of all the memories and conversations we’ve shared. you saved me once from ending my life permanently, but i can’t rely on you for happiness. yet you’re everywhere i go. i can’t avoid you. i don’t want to feel this way. i don’t want to love you. i don’t want to be an appendage to you; i’m trying to break f r e e . i don’t want your actions to determine my happiness.
how do i get over you???? please get out of my head
this has happened once before
the world is closing another door
perhaps tonight
I’ll lose this never ending fight
my wrists will bleed
but done is the deed
I won’t cry this time
my dear, I am not fine
i wish you only knew
what I’ve been going through
don’t you dare pretend you miss me
the hour here is three
and I’m waving goodbye
see you on the flip side
I want to get out of all this pain… But for some reason i still hang on some hope and have been here longer than i thought. I will go soon… Could b tomorrow, next week, a month… Idk. Why do i still hold hope even though i know things (health) wont get better and i cant live my life like this. I had a great ride, and whats so wrong about ending it and not living through a painful life? Â Any thoughts ? Btw i think its everyones own right to do what they want with their livez, live or die.
I am lost. I can’t find my way. I’ve been gone so long that I do not even know myself. I hurt constantly. My body aches with sadness. I am empty. I feel nothing but pain. All that I loved I feel absence. Feelings missing where I know they should go. Pushing through the motions to be normal. To appear sane. I don’t understand me, how do you think you can? I am a shell of a soul, eternally meant to suffer. I crave to feel again. Those moments never come. I am less and less a whole but filled with pain and sadness. I […]
I lay in bed at night thinking of all the words I didn’t say. All the should of and could of’s all followed by didn’t. All these words swimming in my head. The thoughts that never end. Regret fills the voids of this life unlived. A never ending circle of constant reminders that I am nothing
So recently I flunked out of engineering school. I feel lost now like what the hell am I suppose to do now. I’ve invested so much time into school for it to end like this. I can’t even form the words to tell my parents that I’m back a square one to find a new major. This is all I had it was my biggest accomplishment now I have nothin. I have no gf and barely any friends. I’m at mediocre college. What the point of living right now when it seem like everything is going to shit right now. I feel like I brought […]
Since my Mom was killed due to doctor error two years ago I haven’t been able to string together three good weeks. My own health problems increased and I live like a shut-in. Only going to work and coming home and doing basic tasks. I recently had 3 decent days. 3 days where I didn’t wish for a painless death. That ended Monday. My never ending problems cropped up again. My face is damaged. The doctors can’t help and often create more damage. I have to get my Will done but I can’t even do that now with my current problems. I have the forms […]
Expressing my feelings has always been
hard for me, mostly because i don’t even understand myself. One day i can feel really happy and then others i can feel like ending my life. Does anyone else feel this way? I can’t take feeling this way anymore its like a constant never ending battle in my head…I hate myself sooo..much. I would end it all but i know my little brother would be devistated if i was gone. And i would never want to hurt my brother..i would never want him to feel like me. Thats why i always put on my fake smile when i’m […]
I never thought I would actually get to this point. School’s shit. Can’t even hug my girlfriend without getting into trouble. Barely any friends to talk to. My dad’s pissed cause we started arguing about me bringing my girlfriend home. Apparently, I didn’t get a yes to bring her home. I just wanna die. I’m basically a slave in my own home, can’t do anything anywhere else. I feel pointless. After the next band concert, I’m ending it.
I’m supposed to be sleeping but bleh. I hate these nights when all that goes through my head is how bad I am, that I am simply a waste of a human being. The people I would call my bestfriends based on others’ definition are people who I can’t vent out on. I can’t tell my family because they won’t even care. How I act is completely different from how I feel, appearing to be bubbly and weird in a funny way. I don’t know how they will see me in this state and how I will be treated. I like to think that I’m […]
I’ve cut myself off from almost everyone. Nothing has really happened for me to feel so drained and lost. I can’t tell anyone how I really feel. I think about ending everyday. I’ve fooled the best of them denying my thoughts of self harm. Yeah it’s a permanent solution I just want out. Anyone that looks at my life wonders wat the fuck I’ve got to complain about I have a man that is wonderful he’s domestic he certainly doesn’t need me or my negativity. I just want out no one can help me. I’m in cairns Australia I have no friends no one I […]
That’s all I ever hear. It’s just a “stage”. Every teenager goes through it at some point. All they want is attention. Lie. It’s all a lie. If this is a “stage” then it’s one long, never ending “stage”.  I’m not a three year old going through the “toddler stage” like every toddler goes through. That’s a “stage”. I’m NOT going through a “STAGE”! this is a lifestyle. A lifestyle we dont want but are given.
i am not okay. im ending my life tonight i hate everything. goodbye
its seemed like an non ending illusion ,once i opened my eyes i realized that all what was before ,was nothing but a wrong conception ,i chose to suffer and let my my soul and all these false ideas to consume on my spirit .
it took me like four years to know where am i heading to ,four years of hurting and blaming myself for things i didnt do
but now i think its the time for me to end it ,and make a decesion ,which is like this :
becaus i i ll find release when Death comes to take me someday […]
Today sucked…This has got to get better eventually….All that i can think about is ending it all….I dont know what to do…There has got to be more than this…i cant keep going on like this…everyday i feel another piece of me die……
Days since suicidal thoughts: 0
Days since cutting: 0
Feelings at the moment:
~Anguish
~Numb
~Wishing for death
At this stage in our lives we seem to be living in two different, yet unreachable universes: the past and the future. When we’re together, we often reminisce about old times, back when we were young and innocent and nothing bad happened that couldn’t be fixed. When we’re not reflecting on our shared history, we’re looking ahead to our futures; future plans and future goals and wishes and dreams. And to an extent, looking back and looking forward are both wonderful things to do; often they’re reminders that happy times did happen and better things may lie ahead…
But  we only exist in those two states: […]
She doesn’t know
How much farther
She can go
Before its all over.
Â
She wants people
To notice her,
How far will she go
Before she will see the light.
Â
She stands alone
Thinking of ways to go
Because she thinks
People don’t see her.
Â
She realizes that
In this battle
Of life and death
No one is there for her.
Â
As the light
Grows brighter
She sees the
End is near.
Â
She knows what
She has to do,
All that’s left
Is saying good-bye
Â
She closes her eyes
And counts to three,
And before she knows it
Her life is
Done.
Â
She didn’t think
How this would
Affect the people
Who are around her.
Â
She doesn’t realize
That those who
Look up to her
Are going to try this themselves
Â
She didn’t know
That a seven year old
Would take the blame
Of this […]
I have been wishing this life would end since I was very young…12. I was convinced I would be dead by 30, but 30 came and went and I’m still here.
For the last 8 years, my thoughts of suicide have been infrequent and I thought maybe I had grown out of it. I was fooling myself, its always there, like a shadow in the back of my mind.I wouldn’t say I was depressed, I’ve just always felt tired of living and tired of praying not to wake up.
Taking one’s own life is called the cowards way out, but I believe ending one’s life […]
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