Every time I close my eyes I see my self doing something I can’t possibly imagine ever doing. It’s as if death is the only way I could ever become happier. Suicide is something I would always be afraid of. Not until this year did I ever imagine it would be possible and not until about last month did I ever actually try it. Sometimes I feel like pills and blades and alcohol are my only friends, until I wake up bleeding or not remembering anything I did. Granted, I do have friends and family who love me but there words of encouragement are sometimes […]
I punched me in the head really hard but not hard enough im not brave to punch me hard enough to cause concussion
So I reply on bully posts often because I hate hate hate bullies. I dealt with them growing up and thought that in the mature world of adults that we would have moved on from this, but now I have a new bully. I didn’t realize until tonight. The first time we met I really believed that she was a ***** having a bad day. Now after she has apparently lied on me twice to my manager (my manager caught that), I no that she’s just simply got a problem with me. Of course I couldn’t care less if she likes me. However, if she […]
Laying here alone in bed
Staring the cuts on my legs
Wondering is it even worth it
Is it even worth living this life knowing everything is against you
Yes it’s worth it, you hear from everyone
But that one little voice in your head tells you its not
That little voice powers over everyone’s voice
Soon enough this life you live becomes dark lifeless emotionless
Listen to the noises around you
Listen as they fade away
Soon this life you live becomes over
Dead.
Every night, sleep is difficult. I feel so alone, which is probably the most ironic thing I’ve ever said, considering my brother is my roommate. But yeah, it’s just…impossible. It’s probably when I feel my most depressed, which is completely inexplicable, because during the day it’s pretty bad too. Bad enough to where I’m just…incapable of doing work, which somehow seems pretty nonsensical. I’m just like, “fuck this,” which is just about the ultimate recipe for failure.
I’d hang myself with a bed sheet if I knew how to properly tie a noose, and if I knew how to properly secure […]
Sorry, If my posts are annoying you… I’m not good enough to help anyone and I try to be….
cheer up!!! ^_^
I have an appointment this afternoon with my therapist. Â Do I tell him that my suicidal thoughts are beginning to reoccur with greater frequency? Â For so long since I was hospitalized last year, I’ve been free of thoughts of killing myself.
I don’t want to go back into the hospital or into a residential mental health facility because I’ve admitted my depression is growing. Â I also don’t want to disappoint my family by relapsing.
This weekend my wife, my oldest daughter, and I visited my youngest daughter who’s away at college. Â I was very irritable, probably more so than at any time since I was treated. Irritability […]
I was friends with a girl that was suicidal, but said she loved me. The cause for suicidal thoughts were… the fact that I am also a girl and people in small towns don’t accept lesbians very well, especially her own family. And although I accepted her and cared a lot for her, I am straight.  She was teetering back and forth between wanting life and wanting death, and she cut herself because of the pain. I asked her a question that I thought could fix the problem at the time because I had so many answers, I asked her; Do you have any goals in […]
This isn’t really how I feel NOW, but I wrote that earlier this week ’cause this is something I do a lot :
Bath time was over. It was enough. So I pulled the bathtub plug. Then the water started to go away, slowly. I didn’t really want this bath to end, so I stayed there waiting for the water to vanish. Then I started thinking about you. About how it was over and that I didn’t really want it to end. When the water was leaving me, I felt as insecure as I was when you first started to walk away. At first, it was […]
I feel like I’m such a failure, I’m 23 nothing to show for my life… I have a dead-end job with a small company… I’ve attempted college several times already, just don’t seem to have enough ambition. I can’t afford anything, I barely make enough to pay rent, electric, & gas… Yet I don’t qualify for help from the government… I look around at everyone else and wonder why am I in such a shitty situation, why can’t I be happy, why can’t I afford to eat everyday; pay my bills; and live a normal life… I am feel everyone is always judging me… I […]
It’s been three weeks since I picked up a knife
And took it to my skin, when I began to slice
With each cut I made, the weaker I felt
And my heart had been filled to the top with guilt
It’s been two weeks since I wanted to die
To just disappear, oh how I wanted to cry
I wanted to lay in my grave and never wake again
But instead I took my feelings down with paper and a pen
It’s been one week since I last had bad thoughts
I’ve been doing what I can to survive, with everything I’ve got
I’ve been revived, I’m living a life
A life where I don’t […]
i want nothing but death
i have not told what i saw
oh dear! i think i am becoming god
ive offended mankind bcuz my work dint reach the quality it shud have –davin-c
why do u weep do u think i was immortal?
one last drink please
i hope i haven’t bored you
i die hard but am not afraid to do so
money can’t buy life
am bored with it all
last words are for foolish who haven’t said enough -marx
I feel like my life is just a series of bad days strung up together in one endless cycle, I can’t seem to escape.
It is like you wake up with a hang over to realize you’re late. You stub your toe on the way to the bathroom, and you realize there is no hot water for a shower. You get stuck in traffic, then there is no place to park and your boss gives you hell that day. You’re doing a mind numbing, meaningless job to pay the bills for the things you don’t really need. No body gets you at work, you wonder […]
I’m angry and anxious 24/7. I think about killing people all the time. Usually the homeless; no one would miss them in their absence. Sometimes children–isn’t the world overpopulated enough? I hate what I’ve become. Even my cat isn’t safe. I feel like I’m losing my soul to madness.
have a nice social buzz going what better time to reach out? today is an anniversary of sorts for me. one year ago today i got felt up by a cop in front of an office full of people. checking for the gun i had recently purchased. in my state i had to wait 3 days to get it. so therefore i didn’t have it yet. the whole incident was traumatizing. and in after thought was a mistake. should have learned to keep my mouth shut. i really don’t know what i was hoping to accomplish. my stay at the nut hut was a waste […]
I tried. I really, really did. But it’s never good enough, is it?
I didn’t go to prom because of you. I didn’t get my scholarships because of you. I was suicidal because of you. That fake pregnancy scare we had? Your fault. I spent every penny I had because of you. I ruined my relationship with my grandmother because of you. I stole because of you. I thought of being unfaithful because of you. I turned against God because of you. I cried over my online relationship because you couldn’t be good enough for me for me to forget. I graduated with the lowest plan possible because of you, when I was on track to be the […]
I just got told that im not trying hard enough.
Which kinda makes me want to you know, not try at all.
Give up completely.
im so lost.
…a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
I can’t separate the things i want, from the things i can’t stand, or handle, or accomplish.
Everything i do want, is attached to enough of something i don’t, to invalidate pursuit.
I can’t find anything that is both available to me, and also worth my efforts to gain it, which are inevitably and irrevocably connected to conditions and/or consequences i can’t, or won’t, endure.
I can’t find, even with all i know and the capacity of my mind to “imagine,” anything… that fills me with both belief and motivation to achieve, accomplish, or attain it… but that is also available, and […]
Endless hours of unbearable pain.
Unbearable pain that cannot be explained
Why do I have to feel this way?
Can’t this feeling of hopelessness just go away?
I am so tired, so fed up
Can’t I just die, get it over with?
I don’t want to try anymore
I can’t try anymore
I have nothing left inside of me.
I had enough
I had enough
Why do I have to feel like this?
I want to end my life
I just can’t take this anymore
Please just let me die
The world would be better of