i was ok yesterday, then i woke up this morning. i wish i could go back and stay there. i dont care if i was in a bad place then i still felt good i didnt want to do anything bad. i really should not have been born. i was a mistake. i literally cant do anything without someone hating me for it, especially now. almost every person i come into contact with hates me. everyone talks about me behind my back but they never say anything to my face. i get fucked over all the time just because. for the past year ive had […]
Since I was 6 years old I wanted to be like everyone else, I was always very shy, hated hanging out with guys cause they were mean to me, only girls were nice to me at the time. I felt inferior to everyone around me, I am very sensitive to everything and it just annoyed people because of it. My grades always sucked at school, I was stupid and sometimes just tried to annoy people cause people hated me anyways. I always felt like I am ugly, and hate mirrors or any reflection of any kind cause I can’t look at myself. Around 5th grade […]
I have been told by many “you’re not alone, things will get better” and I’m not saying this isn’t true, but can someone tell me the steps they have taken to feel better? Because I’m oblivious to what I should be doing. I’m taking my meds, going to talk therapy, I’ve talked to whoever will listen, I’ve tried just thinking positive, but negativity is all that runs through my veins. I don’t mean that in the sense that I hate everything and everyone. I say it in the sense that I cannot see any good in myself or my life. I’ve always been like this. […]
so it’s my first time here…I struggle with depression quite a lot and since a lot of time…it doesn’t even matter whether everything is right or wrong…the episodes just come randomly…
I get into the self destruct mode…I will do anything to harm myself and my relationships with people.
I am tired! Right now I feel I do not deserve to live as I only bring in problems for everyone….
Friday night I said goodbye to SP. after the recent stuff that went on, I lost patience on my suicide plan. I went upstairs, and then took a bunch of pills. The intention of the pills was not to kill me but to sedate me so I could suffocate myself. Didn’t work! So I went up and took more and than when I was heading back down stairs, my aunt cought me before I could use my Halloween bag. She said “come here let me look […]
It always messes me up. Where is everyone gone? I feel I don’t know anyone, I look at them but there’s nothing, nothing at all. I don’t remember them yet I do, there are memories but no connections??? Idk this is hard to explain. I remember the day it started, it was a strange feeling of becoming infinitely lost in what was once so familiar.
It’s been a little bit since I’ve been able to get on here.
Dealing with my uncle’s death and the holiday and all.. There’s been a lot going on in my life that’s kept me away.
Anyway, I hope I didn’t miss anything and I’m sorry I wasn’t able to comment or help anyone. I hope everyone is still here.
How is everyone doing?
My hair started falling out. I almost have a bald spot. I have anemia, vitamin deficiencies. I wish the supplements I take are real pills, that way I can just die without over thinking it. I hate my family so much;what an overrrated satement. I hear this so much, too much. They keep driving me to kill myself, day by day. I feel so alone, but I can’t/don’t want to reach out. I want suicide the easy way and I hate myself for that- man the fuck up.
They (the third party, your conscience, your therapist, your pamphlet, the suicide hotline)say that after suicide, the emotion […]
I’m the past hour alone I’ve cut myself nine times. I’m only doing this to stop a tenth. Or an eleventh. To stop myself until I go somewhere I can’t come back from. Because no matter how much I want to die, I don’t want to let everyone around me know how much I hate myself, and how much I hate how they all so fucking perfect.
Sometimes I feel as though I’ve done all I can do; other times I feel as though I haven’t done anything at all.
In late October/early November of 2014, I became extremely ill and had to be taken to the clinic. There, I was seen by a doctor, and while she was talking, I suddenly because very light headed. Then I had tunnel vision, and everything went black.
I woke up to find myself surrounded by people, all leaning over me, and laying down on the cold, harsh tile floor. I felt a pounding headache, where I had evidently hit my head when I fell of the […]
i’ve tried. i really did. i gave everyone around me at least one chance to try and help me. but no one actually bothered. and i can’t tell anyone, because i feel fidgety whenever i tell anyone. because of all sorts of things. i’m detached from the world, i don’t have any true friends who will be there with me 24/7, even in front of my closer friends, i still have to pretend. why? because i’m scared they will all run away the moment they see all my flaws. i’m scared that once people see the real me, they won’t want to be […]
i don’t know, i’m not even that old. but life just seems so tiring and pointless, every day, i do the same thing, and i don’t even do it well, and i just can’t find the energy to do anything. yet in front of everyone i have to put up a smile, and act like i’m ok with this life. and maybe i need to quote megan louisa garcia when i say it seems like right now, the most i can hope for is persevering through life, not enjoying it, not living it, and that’s really not what i want. at times, i just feel […]
I am just so tired of living. There is nothing here for me. I had to be home schooled the last year of high school due to finding out I have a rare genetic disease. The main symptoms are major organ failure and extreme burning pain in my hands and feet. I have only met one other man like myself with this disease in person. Not being able to do all the stuff I enjoyed my best friend grew apart a just quit associating with me completely. I was in the hospital a lot due to the pain and kidney failure. Now I have to […]
I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’ve been avoiding everyone and one person that’s the hardest to avoid is my boyfriend since he lives 1000+ miles away and looks forward to talking to me everyday. Last night I told him everything that was wrong since I’ve been pushing him away for a few days and he wouldn’t let me get away with it. I told him about my excessive drinking, my smoking cigarettes again (I broke my promise to him), me taking pills, cutting myself and not eating. He tried helping me he was so frustrated and just wanted to do what he […]
I fully give up in finding housing. There’s absolutely no place for me in this world. I’m completely fucking useless and a throw away of society with a computer degree, (almost) film degree, and IQ of 137. It all means nothing. Homeless and transgender, physical disabilities and failing health due to homelessness and lack of sleep. No one gives a fuck and there is no help. No one wants to live with someone obese. No one wants to live with someone over the age of 30. No one will rent to someone with bad credit. No one will rent to someone who’s background check produces […]
This is the last fucking straw! I can’t get a known slum lord to rent to me because of my credit and my name change from a female name to a male name is surely the trigger that set him off, but he had already decided against renting to me before he even got my application. He didn’t look at anything. He just knew he didn’t want some freak there.
I’m too fat and ugly to ever be loved, laid, or even be accepted as a roommate. I’m destined to be homeless and alone and no one has any fucking idea what it’s like to be […]
So, some trivial shit happened about an hour ago:
*Nephew pulls pins out of board, I lose my shit and pick them all up*
Me: Mom, where do we keep the pins?
Mom: How about, instead o-
Me: Uh, I just want t-
Mom: YOU’RE JUST LIKE YOU BROTHER… AND YOUR FATHER!!!
Me: Mom, I just want to know where-
Mom: WHY, YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!!!
At this point, no one would tell me where to leave them, so I just left them on the table, my sister comes into my room, throws them all over my bed, and yells at me for leaving pins where […]
thats it. im done!!!! i fucked up. im a fuck up. the voices wont be quiet. ive completly lost my mind. i appreciate everyone on here who was supportive and freindly to me. i just cant do it anymoere.
and see people delete their posts and accounts,
people fade away or suddenly disappear,
arguments and long, carefully written comments left just to show someone they care.
Something’s been rising in my head again, and reading through this site makes it more alive. It makes suicide seem more possible. That seems dangerous to me now, but it’s also a relief to be somewhere where it’s not something you have to keep hidden. It’s a relief just to see it written about.
Is there anyone else here who’s been away for a while? I’ve been back from time to time but I’ve spent more time here in the past few […]
ok everyone needs to back up and calm down here for a second. Wndozh8er must have removed his last post because others here are accusing him of seeking attention and playing the victim. He was hurt and so was I over something personal just between us, but we working out the differences and it’s no ones business but ours. Just please don’t hate on him or change your opinions of him because he speaks what’s on his mind. He is not and never has been a drama starter or attention whore. Please stop treating him as such and posting stuff about it. He’s a huge support […]