This is all I’ve ever known. Music. Music is the only thing that makes me feel anything, better even…..sometimes. Well growing up this way I only know how to deal with my emotions through it. Roger Rabbit by Sleeping With Sirens is my anthem. I think that in my note, if I leave one, this song with be written down for them to listen to. Maybe the lyrics will enlighten them a bit. People make fun of me for being so damn consumed with my music, but I don’t think they fully understand that lonely people do things that look “weird” Lonely depressed people do […]
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everything
The last time and post from me was in July last year I believe. I want all of you to know that I got through everything, I have even lost track of the last time I self-harmed. I don’t have nay urges or necessities to self-harm and it’s great. I have fallen in some bad places since July, and I mean BAD, but my point is that I got through them, I’m currently getting through and when they’re over, I’m just going to feel free once more. So, just take it from me, love yourself, help yourself, and BELIEVE in yourself.
New to this forum. I just want to share my story as honestly as possible. It will be long so I apologize for that. I hope you read on.
It all started about 6 years ago. At that point in my life I had finally carved out an existence that was neither happy nor unhappy overall. I had a good job with very good prospects, as I was a co-owner. I owned a house, a car and had money in the bank. I had a fairly large group of friends. I was OK with my life, even though I was not truly happy.
Then out of the […]
Ugh. I hate coming back to my parents house. There always just fighting all the time and just keep reminding me how disappointed they are in me and how much of a fucking freak I am. Thanks mum. Everything here just stresses me out an I feel like I’m gonna explode.
Cats are here though. Hugging them beats staying back alone at my apartment for 2 weeks while I’m off uni I guess.
I’ve done the therapy. For years now. Off and on. I can’t help but feel like I’m abandoned every time the round of treatment ends. But I know why I am. Because I don’t respond to it. But it looks like I am.
I tell them everything they want to hear. Or what I think they want to hear.
Rate your mood? I’d give it an 8 out of 10 when really it’s never more than a 2.
Take your pills… great but they never do anything.
There was a time when I wanted help.
Not anymore.
Hello to all out there who are reading this. I have decided to post here my last thoughts. I had hoped things would get better, maybe even easier given time and space, but I unfortunately grow increasingly tired and weary of this world and path that I have found myself walking down. I guess I should write this all in a note for my loved ones to see, but I dont want them to see this side of me. I do not intend on leaving a note at all. I know what I plan to do is going to hurt many people, but why must […]
So i left off with that abusive fuck i think i was on when i was 16. Okay so here goes part two….tried to get away..i started dating this othey guy i dated him for 2 years he treated me really good he helped me alot…i cheated on him though in the beginning of our relationship with the abusive fuck because he threatened to kill himself i talked to him tryed to make sure he was okay. I eventually told my bf what i had done he was really upset i dont blame him he didnt blame me either. I hated myslef though he was […]
This is my first post on this website, I can’t really relate to a lot of people from this site other than the fact I’m depressed and often suicidal. I think about dieing everyday and what would people think of me if I commit suicide, I know I’m very selfish I have been my whole life, I guess because I was an only child and spoiled growing up,.. We’ll until I turned 18 and I left my parents house and moved out with a friend, I then really had no goals or direction so I started to slang drugs as a runner, with no real […]
I have been cutting for 13 years.
I want to die i have a date
I feel like he woyld be better off if i wasnt in his life. I raise him on my own. I have no help. I cant pick myself up anymore. I dont want him around me because i hate that im always fucking misreable and dont want him picking up on it. Nothing makes me happy im always putting on that fake fucking smile for everything abd everyone. I love my little one so much he is my world that is why i put on that fake smile everyday but i feel […]
I’m writing this because I’m thinking of doing something bad. I’ve tried to commit twice before, obviously they both failed. Tonight everything has gone downhill. I have no one to talk to or no where to turn. Everyone has turned against me even though I’ve done nothing wrong. I just wish I could merge with the ground and disappear. It would make so many people happier. I’m a failure that can’t do anything right and I wish I could be a better person. I’m just a lost cause. I’m crying into my laptop right now and I’m confused as hell. Why does everything and everyone […]
I dont really understand how to make this. I have the book and have seen the videos and everything but I just dont understand what to do with the folding and cutting and elastic part
Hey guys and gals , I know its been a while since I last posted on here and my life it feels like has been going on a downhill slope and no where fast…
I’m not sure if I mentioned this on my last post but me and my (now ex) bf back in February unexpectedly split right before Valentine’s day. No reason at all just happened through text out of the blue after him not responding to any of my fb messages for two weeks and then saying were better off as best friends. Bull Fuckin Shit! Maybe I saw it coming for a longer […]
So i have managed to loose my boyfriend my two bestfriends and half my family all in one week,life is just fucking amazing. Fuck everything,fuck life. what even is the point anymore iv lost everyone. i guess its time for me to go now.
I’m losing everything.
I feel like I’m slowing down. Everything sounds distant or submerged in water. My vision blurs in and out of focus. I have no energy to do anything, not that I want to anyway.
Is this what dying feels like?
I have yet to find someone who tolerates me talking in metaphors, or even enjoys me doing it.
Regardless of all this, I’m still here, so maybe that counts for something.
I spent a large portion of this afternoon running my fingers over the scar on my throat, or staring at it in the mirror. A wound that by every right should have killed me. No one can live […]
So I’ve been seeing this therapist for a year and it’s in the public sector and free. Just recently been told my time is up with her. IM GUTTERED AND DEVASTATED to say the least!!
I shared so much with her my past traumas as a child then adult. That no one knew about. I could tell her anything. She listened she cared. I’m in so much pain that I’m losing her out of my life. Can’t imagine not having her it’s causing me huge suicidal thoughts. She trumps my own family and friends. She means everything to me.
I have huge attachment problems with people and […]
“You’re a piece of shit. Put that gun to your head.” My thought processes throughout the day rarely changes.
(Disclaimer I’ve never had the ability to eloquently convey in words my thoughts and opinions. So I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I tend to jump around a lot. I just need an outlet)
I might focus on work or whatever but like a background noise it’s consistently making it’s way ever present. The only reason I don’t kill myself is because of my family, I have the most incredible family in the world. Yet, I’m barely apart of it.
My siblings are all so close but […]
I wonder if I’ll make it. I barely survive. I do not know what to do or who I truly am. I feel at the core of me jealousy for those who survive but also I need them to survive. I think they deserve everything they have and need, wish I could give them more.
This all feels meaningless when we think about the corners of our heart that keep wearing down, rounded by time, as rocks by the sea, to slide more seamlessly as the tides overwhelm.
I do not know that the love I have is enough to keep me here. I struggle and […]
Don’t trust me.
I will make you believe that I am happy. I will make you believe that I have my shit together and my life is perfect. I will make you believe that everything is going on my favor. I will make you believe that I enjoy being around my family and friends. I will make you believe that I am in love with life, nature and sun. I will make you believe that I always look forward to parties and hangouts. I will make you believe that I’m the kind of person who wants to live as long as possible when the truth is […]
So, I need help. I don’t know why I live anymore. My dad has been abusing me and bullying me since forever. Whenever I get picked up from him on weekends he just abuses me and calls me a failure. And compares me to everyone else as if I am not good. Now my best friend that I thought we shared everything in common with supposably thinks I’m lying because he boyfriend lied to her about something and of course girls choose their boyfriends. And the thing is she told me to change. And now she ended the friendship with me. By growing up I […]