Funny how everyone in this world even the ones you think are “close” to you can never read the fake smile… Funny how everyone thinks everything is peachy when really it’s all a living hell!!
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everything
Even with my eyes shut tight, I still see it coming now.
I need someone to talk to. I’m apprehensive of calling a suicide hotline, as I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital when I did that half a year ago or so… I sent a message to the staff of one of these suicide hotlines yesterday (you can do that on their website), but it will probably take them a few days to reply.
No, this isn’t the first time I’ve felt my depression tightening its grip at the beginning of a new year… but it is the first time my “post NYE depression” has been […]
I’m the reason why my parents may get a divorce soon.. the only thing that’s holding this family together is my soon to be seven year old brother. Listen, I’m not overreacting or anything when I say this, my family hates me. Because I’m pretty sure that most families don’t call their daughters/sons: tramps, sl*ts, wh**es, and other things like that…
When I was in the eighth grade I was put into an actual public school; I thought everything would turn out alright. I thought everything would go the way I wanted it to. I was wrong. Not even a month of school had passed before […]
I’ve been lurking on this site for about a week now and finally decided to register today.I decided to reach out because I’ve been having a really hard time coping with things recently. My therapist was a waste of a degree, my friends don’t understand, and my girlfriend just recently left me.
It’s not like I haven’t had a hard time before. I’ve been in, what I call, a bad head space before. I’ve been hospitalized three times, have been cutting for some time now, and have attempted to kill myself twice. It just feels so much different this time.
I was and am still in love. […]
I really like clawing at my skin, tearing chunks out of my arms, scratching till i bleed, and it stings. It makes me feel calm, Like im in power, Like i have control over everything.
(sorry if this is triggering to anyone)
The more I sit here in this dark wrecked place I’ve made for myself I wonder why? Why did things work out like this? Why did everything change? Could I have done more? Should I have done less? Should I have begged and pleaded? Why? Why is this all so crazy? What is all this insanity? I’m going insane? I’m dead I’m dying… Why? Why must I have to keep going on? Why can’t I just be released from all this agony?!?! A thousand tears and nothing left to weep.. Now what? Where do I turn? I have nothing.. No one.. Please… I’m so […]
Is it better to feel everything at once or nothing at all I’m numb one minute then I feel everything the next the cycle repeast
Why is everything always so fucked?! Why am I such a nice guy when everyone is a fuckin dick?! Why do I wear what little heart I somewhat have left on my sleeve for someone to just rip it out step on it stab it shoot it douse it with acid and set it on fire…. I quit…..
I don’t feel welcome or wanted anywhere. I don’t understand what iv’e done, but no one seems to want to talk to me or hang out with me or anything and i hate it. What even is the point in my existence? there is no purpose for me in this world I’m useless at everything and no one seems to like me. The only thing that stops me from “not existing” is the reaction from my family and my boyfriend ( who lives 300 miles away so that sucks a lot too as he is the only person who actually helps me). I couldn’t bare […]
My life has never been a happy one. At least, not for me. I have no idea why I had to be such a miserable person. Why I had to be perpetually afraid, miserable, feel completely alone, and live in utter anguish. I don’t feel I did anything to deserve it. In fact, for the first time in my life, I feel like I am owed something, that I deserve more, that I am better than what’s happened to me. But, it doesn’t make a difference how I feel, or what I do to demand the world give me a fair shake, because in the […]
Hey SP’ers
I am a huge fan of anime and I wanted to post a brief list of anime that left a mark on me. I wish I could list everything but these are but a few of the classics I have enjoyed:
– Here and now then and there
– Texhnolyze
– Berserk
– Elfen Lied
– Kemono no Souja Erin
– The Twelve Kingdoms
– Shinsekai yori
– Escaflowne
– Blue Gender
– Seirei no Moribito
– Galaxy Express 999
– Argentosoma
– Rurouni Kenshin
– Evangelion
The list could go on and I’m sure I’ll kick myself later for forgetting my critical favorites :'(
Please share any anime you thought made you feel a change or effected you in an unexpected yet hopefully pleasant way 🙂
I already have a time, place, and means ready to go. I told myself I didn’t want to make any irreversible decisions without thinking long and hard about them, so I set up a two month moratorium which ends in less than 24 hours. This is it. This post will be my last attempt to gather contrary opinions: convince me not to go through with it, if you think it is more rational for me to stay alive.
I had a decent childhood and I was doing well in school. I was happily married. Then, one day about three years ago, I developed a migraine. It […]
I’ve been depressed for only three years now and I have been in therapy and in treatment for two years and a half. I have been hospitalized 5 times in the past 2 years. I’m only 18 and I have felt enough pain to last a lifetime. I have tried so hard to get better, and nothing has changed, and I’m not sure if I can keep trying. I just want everything to stop. I don’t know what to do. I failed a suicide attempt in February and I so badly want to do it and succeed this time…
I’m so tired. I’m so tired of life itself. I’m so tired of not being good enough for you. I’ve tried so hard to be everything you wanted. It’s not enough. It will never be. And it’s torture. Everyday. To feel like you’ll never love me for who I am.
I lost my mom (almost) 2 years ago and ever since then every thing about me has changed. I withdraw further and further in and have no interest in staying connected. I feel trapped… I have 4 kids and I couldn’t do that to them. I have thrown myself into my kids activities just to keep busy and my mind silent.
The busy schedule also helps me have an excuse to not hang out with friends. My family, friends and boyfriend think I have an aversion to fun now. It’s not that I do, it’s that I just don’t feel joy anymore. How am I supposed […]
Not sure how to make since of anything.. Between hearing seeing and feeling things I’m unsure are real or not or the strange thoughts and being afraid of it all.. The other day it was pouring rain and the wind shield wipers were on high the water quickly beading and dripping down again all I could see was blood… I wished for it and hoped for it … I’m so tired of holding this feeling in.. Some ppl say it’s all a lie some just think I’m crazy but why? Why is that what I thought of ? Because of the long addiction I had/have […]
I have had a miserably hard life. I dont know how to write this or why i should or why anyone would care. i was molested and smothered as a child by my very sick father and my very sick mother did nothing about it. they drink. i dont remember most of my childhood and what i do remember is horrific. my father’s seductive abuse of me continued as a teenager. my younger brother went crazy and is now living in a halfway house and has had issues with the law and with alcohol. my older brother b/c a lawyer and had two children and […]
History reapeats as the darkness comes flooding back into my life. I bleed black, for the monster is me. Symbiotic with a world slowly dying, I am everything and nothing. Money makes the man, but nothing gold can stay.
Have you ever had the feeling that you’ve been putting something off for so long that the moment you remember, you feel like you have to do it RIGHT NOW before it’s too late? Before the feeling passes and you’re left indifferent once again, you have to do something. Put it in motion. Write it in your calendar.
Well, that’s how I feel about suicide. And that’s why I guess the feeling is so intense when it comes across. Do it or face the consequences. It doesn’t matter if yesterday I felt like all my problems could be solved. It doesn’t matter if I felt like […]
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
by niki
written by niki
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
The more I grow up & learn after all these 32 years of my life, sadly, the more I feel hopeless especially for humanity / our humans species!
MAJORITY of people / humans beings / humanity are so damn shallow, superficial, vain, ignorant, stupid, fake, dirty, liars, etc etc.
I used to have so much HOPE for humanity , but now the hope is dwindling until it’s almost none !!
MOST people are sadly only concerned with vain, shallow, mundane “daily-life” & little […]