Your smiling so hard, you can almost see the tears behind it. Fake a smile.. Everything will get better right? No, it fucking won’t. I’ve been dreaming of shit to get better for the past 2 years.. not a single thing has changed, it’s just all gotten worst. Fake people at school, knowing that to my family I’m just a disappointment to them.
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everything
I really don’t know why I’m doing this. When I first told someone about my ..situation, she said that maybe even though everything felt unbearable at the moment, it could get better later.
It’s not like that for me. Everything is always unbearable. The way I feel, and sometimes don’t feel, scares me. I’m tired of not being able to go through my life without thinking I really should kill myself.
I’m tired of the part of me always making excuses, always thinking “what about your parents? How will they feel?” and I’m very tired of feeling like I’m faking all the time. I’m tired of my […]
Also known as “manifestation”.
I have known a few people over the past few years that actively practice these “principles”. Most of them appear to be doing just what they want and are wildly successful. You may have seen accounts on the internet about people like this that seem to have everything they want with little or no real effort. Of course that is their take on their situations so it’s a bit difficult to determine what may be reality vs. simply their perception. I mean, I have also known people that dug up and fixed broken sewer pipes for a living and that were […]
All I do is hurt people and ruin my relationships. I’m a god awful person who just fucks up everything. I hurt everyone. I judge like I’m better. I wish I had the strength to pull the trigger last year
Ever since I was a child, I was never really happy with who I was. I always looked at other people and wish I could be them. Everyone is smarter, funnier, wealthier, stronger, more attractive, and/or just better off than I am.
When I was about 7, and later at age 11, I was sexually assaulted multiple times by two different people (a cousin and a fellow Boy Scout). I’m still traumatized by those experiences, but I believe I deserved it because I never said anything to stop them.
When I first developed depression, I started self-loathing. At age 13, I was diagnosed with a medical condition […]
My life is a living nightmare. I want to die so badly but I can’t ever seem to follow though any plans to commit suicide. It isn’t about anything religious or some sort of moral dilemma. I guess half of reason I am unable to go through with it is the immense pain suicide may be. I mean let’s face it, jumping from a really tall building and having your bones crushed into a million pieces doesn’t seem very attractive as does jumping in front of a train. I have heard so many failed suicide attempts that I fear being in immense pain in a […]
Yes… my life sucks. I don’t think that it sucks that much. Evertime I think I hate my life I think on those people who are worst than me. Like little kinds in Somalia and that shit… that’s the cultural instinct. But I don’t really care anymore. Who the fuck cares if there is someone in a situation worse than mine? That doesn’t make it less painful..
I don’t know, I don’t really care about it anymore. I don’t want to kill myself, that’s the thing… in my mind, there is still hope.. or at least, I crave for some hope… I’m desperate to think there […]
I don’t know much about this site. I don’t know if anyone is actually reading this. I don’t want to complain, and I don’t want to make anything worse. I only want to write; I love to write. I can’t imagine I’m very good at it, but I love it. It’s among the only things that distracts from everything else.
I really can’t do it anymore.
I’ve tried so hard for so many years. The depression, the anxiety, the stress, the unprecedented shame and awkwardness, the never-ending pot of guilt, and the hopelessness. I’ve seen so many counselors, I’ve been on meds, I spent a […]
I don’t know if I’m a lesbian or just confused. I’m in a relationship with a man. We’ve been together for a long time. But lately everything feels fake. I don’t know if I’m attracted to the idea of lesbianism, if I want a clever and easy word to describe myself, or if I’m just tired of all these men chasing after me. Sometimes I think about women when I’m with my boyfriend. I hate that. I wish I could give him what he needs, but I don’t feel adequate. I wish I was better. I wish I was more nice and less selfish. But […]
Ok so I consider myself an empath definately and it makes it damn near impossible to be happy or myself in society. Virtually every minute of every day I can feel peoples emotional energies and in the past it has driven me into the wild and homelessness. I live with three people now and it is slowly killing me inside my soul yourns painfully to be in nature but I am not yet ready to go physically speaking… My society is Extremely hectic generally speaking it truly is like a rat race of misery lol out in the public and many peoples pain and […]
Okay so I know I sound like I complained a lot in my last post but despite all that, I do have some upsides I guess I could share. If I find happiness in them maybe others will too.
#1(And my most important upside). Music! Music has always made me feel happy and I can’t help but get lost in it for hours singing along while I play video games or draw, which leads me to…
#2. Art. Drawing, painting, and writting help me calm myself down, usually because despite the fact that a lot of my drawings can be very […]
I thought I could come to college and settle in and not want to go home til thanksgiving break. But no, I had to get a rude room mate, be told i don’t belong here, and deal with depression that everything is causing. This weekend I’m’m going to visit home but I’m starting to wonder if ill end up coming back to college. I’ve been doing class and homework nonstop since I came here and I’m taking 20 units. My volleyball coach is mad cuz I’m not doing well in practice and I’m not going to the gym. I haven’t had time because of […]
Im just so frustrated and done with everything. Its my first full semester in college. I have learned that I do not belong at this school, people have said so to my face. The only reason im with my current roommate is because she was drugged during the summer term and i helped her. She constantly brings me down saying i have no tits or my face is awful. She treats me like a 2 year old and is extremely rude. She doesn’t take what I want and need intl consideration, she only thinks about herself. I do everything I can for her to be […]
“She is not someone you understand. She is someone you watch, someone you use, someone you mourn. She is made for love but love is not made for her. Everything about her runs deeper than in you; her madness is truer, her mind brighter and better broken, and her anguish is in her bones, not her blood. You will never forgive her for dying, but she will aways be dead forever, and your horror means nothing to her anymore. That, more than anything is why you still dream about her and her flowers thrown like curses. She has made herself no longer yours to dream […]
I looked into everything and decided that I will end my life on my birthday forget moving to nyc and opening a gallery. That dream is dead like my soul and I am not going to waste anymore time…..however I am looking for things to do while I am alive might as well try to have some fun before a greet the gates of hell right…..Sadly my family does not know and the only person I told does not believe me… I decided to do the exit bag however to make sure it works I plan to load up on brooze and sleeping pills. I […]
I just dont understand, its not that i dont want to, or dont have the will, but, i just want to stay and its so hard… I’m sorry of this is how you guys feel, i really am. I can’t help myself, i can’t save you, i just, well, i cant do anything. I can’t imagine going on like this, not without Makaila, she was my best friend, she was my anchor, she was my everything, but she had to leave us, not on her own choice, she had gotten in a car accident, a little over a month ago, and was dead on […]
Hello, the guy I’ve been reading about on here getting his life destroyed by zero hedge… Well mate my situation is 200x more scifi than that, gangstalking target world famous me, youtube spongebobs secret tv channel 🙂 the person who had the mushroom trip and realised everything only to remember the very small details you can comprehend, me too! this place is nothing but a game show, the world, and the universe at that 😉 and everyone with hurtful non caring families, My step dad of ten years tried to have me raped and killed twice, my dad ran away because he was scared, and […]
People say that just having been born is a miracle…but what if your life has just seemed like a constant unrelenting series of break and enters. That’s how I feel. All of my major stages of life right from early childhood have just been marked with catastrophic events. I’ve posted before what’s happened to me so I won’t go into that again <hears cheers>. I’ve had two psychologists tell me that I’m the worse case they’ve seen. One even told me that even though she’s trained not too feel her patient’s pain she told me that my case affected her. That’s no lie. At 53 […]
In my time of deepest despair and anger, when everything was falling apart, I got an unexpected phone call from a friend I met on here. I mean unexpected, I just gave my number in the offchance they might text me if everything went bad. But they read my post on here and gave me a call, and it made such a difference. I dont feel so alone anymore. I have people around me, and my doctor and councillor but if I told them truthfully what I was really thinking and feeling and planning it would be hospital time, and that means cant truly share myself. Until […]
I don’t think I can last til Jan, maybe I’ll speed everything up & check out on my bday (nov 29). I am so sick of living with these inconsiderate idiots! She doesn’t even seem to care about her own children! He put them to bed without showers & still in their sweaty, dirty day clothes. He is such a hypocritical, chauvinistic prick, writing rules for all of us to follow, but they don’t apply to him.
They are both downstairs, playing video games & have music up so loud it is amplified in the kids bedrooms! I can’t even be in my own ‘room’ cos […]