For the past year everything has been going wrong. I keep falling down deeper and deeper, I don’t even know what the light of hope looks like anymore. My senior year was supposed to be my year to shine but it wasn’t, from start to end everything screwed up. Apart of me feels like god has really forgotten about me this time, of everything that has happened I have the need to look past him and wonder if I should even question his existence. In September, a month after school started I got into a school bus accident with an eighteen wheeler, I got seriously […]
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everything
Went to see my GP today for a repeat prescription. I was totally honest and told him everything. He immediately referred me time to the “crisis team” wtf is that all about?
If I went back a year in time i would have certainly made many more drastic decisions that would have prevented me from getting to this point in life, and yet here I am. I have everything to live for, except for the will or enthusiasm. one year ago today i fell into a fugue state that has kept me from feeling anything. I am operating only on my left brain. The analytical side. The smart side. The correct side. And I am finally i am considering its intentions. I am considering that in one year if i am still alive i will only wish […]
I saw an updated photo of my ex. I kind of miss him. I wish things were like they were before – when we actually got along. When we weren’t at each others throats. I loved him, and while seeing that picture of him today, I realized I still do. It makes me regret what I said about his mother that much more. I didn’t mean it, but it was still a low blow. He was mad at me at the time – we were fighting about something, and he said something that had offended me. I don’t remember what it was, it must have […]
Today was my first day of school. I was really worried about how everything would turn out. It’s not the worst school in the world, but there are some really messy situations you can find yourself in if you aren’t careful. I’m usually pretty safe, but there are kids who are in local gangs, and it doesn’t take much to piss them off. One kid was beaten up for wearing a wristband that was a rival gang color, and he wasn’t even in a gang! I’m happy there’s a uniform code this year.
Anyhow, things were better than I thought they would be for the most […]
I don’t like to talk on the phone, just text, and I love sending pics! I have so many of all kinds, funny, depressing, everything.
email me tawneesmommy@gmail.com
I am often lonely if I’m not at work
I hate how I’m in so much pain the muscles on my body are so tensed n I can’t even relax now I’m stuck in a loop of pain n misery my spine need to get better if not I will be in pain forever I don’t want that. I’m tired all the time I don’t like to be in so much pain I feel like I’m never going to get any better my spine n back are messing up my whole body n the bones everything is different my neck is forward but twisted the muscles are so everything is such a bothersome for […]
I do everything for you. You do nothing for me. You have come to expect me to drop everything and do whatever you ask. you’re a grown man…act it . Be responsible for your own shit. It’s all about poor you…you’ve destroyed me in your path. I have to get out from under you in order to survive. If you are there in the end things will be different but I have my suspicions that you will be long gone, when the favors stop.
It took 3 months for this day to come. For me to feel sick to my stomach and to realize how badly I have fucked up. I had mentioned before still hooking up with my ex and hoping and then feeling nothing. Well the day is here when he has finally blocked my number and deleted his email address that or blocked me there too. I’m not trying to be childish and stalk him or whatever. I genuinely have something important going on and needed to ask him about it. I don’t usually txt him or even call him for that matter, but now I […]
Yep. Maybe it’s because I have so many things wrong with me. I’m not hiding behind them, I like to think not, anyway. I’m true to my feelings, and am kind of brutal sometimes. Usually, I say what’s on other people’s minds. I feel bad. I can’t figure myself out. I’m mean to those who intimidate me, and sometimes, I’m just mean for no reason – usually when I’m manic – which is no excuse. I don’t forgive those who have hurt because I’m afraid they’ll only do it again. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of everything. I wish I was pre-rape me. I was super […]
I’m not really a touchy feely kind of guy but since she left I feel as I can’t continue. I’ve got 96 pills and two bottles of wine. I feel bad about doing it at my mothers but there’s really no other option. Gave the house to my ex. The last ten months and three weeks have been torture. I’ve only survived that long because of my son but I can’t do it any more. Imagine what it feels like to want to die but having to push on, I can’t go on any longer. I went to the doctors today. They told me to […]
The past seven years for me were filled with promises, hope and trust. Only to end with betrayal, distrust and pain. Then more repetitions. Now I’m so scared it’ll happen again. And Im also made to feel bad for being insecure and afraid. Everything somehow becomes my ‘fault’.
It’s not so fucking easy.
I’m so fed up with hurting. Can I just please lie down and die in my sleep?
I am so beyond lowest of low points that I have given up on everything. I couldnt be bothered showering, brushing my teeth, washing clothes even eating. I don’t sleep one day just so I can sleep through the next. I am in immense pain from my back and my rotting teeth.
I once cared so much about my health and my appearance. Where did it go wrong?
Finally my doctor is listening to me & trying to help. Why now after nearly a year of seeing him, telling him my troubles, what I want to do, does he now want to do something?
I made my very […]
Is it wrong to resent the people who told the law enforcement and children services that I was lying about all the things my mothers boyfriend did to me… Even if they’re family?… I know it’s been yrs since it’s happened but with all my flashbacks I’m still trying to figure things out.. I’m so confused about everything.. I’ve been trying to make since of everything all day and I’m only spinning in circles. Sorry for ranting on…
So while I know this post will be long and I’m not sure worth anyone’s time I’m warning in advance it may not be worth reading… I just decided I’ll tell everything even if it may all be stupid..
Ill start from the beginning. I’m 23.
Growing up my parents always argued between the yelling and hitting I always somehow found myself with headphones under my bed. At 10 the called it quits my mom had had enough. The day my father left is still pretty upsetting because I remember just how much he cried. Finally thing were getting better. So I thought… About 8 months down […]
I’ve hated myself for over a year now. Everything from my face to my personality makes me want to cringe. And it makes me feel so lonely, as if there will never be anyone who loves me because I can’t even love myself.
It makes me feel as if I deserve to die, as if I deserve the hell-hole that is depression. I’ve dug myself deep into a hole and I don’t know how to get out. I don’t know how to look at the mirror and not cry at the reflection that stares back at me.
How is it possible to feel so lonely and sad […]
Hello everyone,
Just found this site and it’s brilliant. No one to talk to but here. I’ve always been pretty emotionally dead in side, not setting out to hurt people or anything just never really felt anything. Met this girl in my late teens and that all changed, I was madly in love and genuinely cared for another human being. Four years and a child who I adore. However then she starts going out drinking with new friends, I didn’t care until I kept catching her lying. One night she goes back with someone else and I kick through the door and the police remove me! She […]
Tomorrow will be my last day here. I Have purchased all my supplies for the Helium bag method. Thank you all for your posts and comments. The information on this site has been very helpful. I am not terminally ill but I have ruined my life. I have hurt everything that I loved in this world. I am ready to leave so I can stop hurting those I love. I have two young children and a beautiful wife, all of which I have hurt. Good Bye
I Myself have been secretly depressed when alone its not because i dont like being around people its just that i dont feel like anyone needs me around. Today is the 30 and my friend who passed away almost a year ago’s birthday is tommorrow and i dont think that im going to be able to make it more than a couple more days. I cry once so every often hard and i tend to smoke alot of cigarettes when i do. Ive done everything seen a therapist, taken medication which led to an abuse problem and ive been cleen for the last 5 months […]
its been a few months since iv been on! but is it wrong for one person love 2 ppl at the same time?
iv been in love with my ex for almost a year now. but iv cut all connections with him. cuz he leads me on and ditches me all the time
but there is something i get over him.
and the guy I’m with currently treats me like a queen.
but my ex has saved my life from my trying to kill myself but then he always makes me want to do it.
almost a year ago i got raped
so many ppl […]