This is what it took

It took 3 months for this day to come. For me to feel sick to my stomach and to realize how badly I have fucked up. I had mentioned before still hooking up with my ex and hoping and then feeling nothing. Well the day is here when he has finally blocked my number and deleted his email address that or blocked me there too. I’m not trying to be childish and stalk him or whatever. I genuinely have something important going on and needed to ask him about it. I don’t usually txt him or even call him for that matter, but now I see. I finally see how stupid I have been, and all I feel right now is hate. Hate for him and hate towards myself because I put myself in this position. The whole world knew that I was being stupid the whole FUCKEN world, even I knew but did I stop? NO. I hope I die I’m so tired of life of living like I hate everything sometimes I cant even truly feel any emotion. I’m tired of everything like seriously fuck.