Empty means containing nothing, according to the dictionary. It’s the feeling that I have right now. It’s weird. I’m in my house, but i’m not alone. I have my daughter sitting next to me watching a movie on her iPad while I sit on my couch typing these words. She’s too little to understand my feelings and body language. I have messages on my phone that i’ve looked at, but can’t seem to reply. I have close friends that want to hang out or come over and call it a movie night…but why do I just want to be alone? I’ve thought about over-dosing today…actually […]
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everything
Hi to all,
Well, it has been 14 months since got sick physically – could not exercise or do anything after a while; things escalated and got worse every day. Now just breathing is so hard, and can’t even move without having terrible chest tightness, stomach aches, dry mouth and other stuff.
Docs first checked me for some general illnesses and after they found not a thing; it had to be in my head, of course.
The thing is not like many here may have; I have a physical sickness which is killing me and the docs can’t find what seems to be the problem, and then the […]
When I started my first post.. I thought it might get easier talking. It just gets harder. My parents absolutely hate me. You may think I exaggerate this but they do. I can never do anything right, my life is just one big fuck up. I don’t deserve to put them through this pain and stress. I don’t deserve anything. I’m a spoiled brat. I have nothing going for me. I just want it to be over, I just want to have a gun in my hand to end all this misery. I wish I had some way just to kill myself. The more I […]
this is my first post . I lost everything this year. I am so sad I cannot even think much less live. I read that ******** is now tightly controlled in Mexico. Anyone else know where to get it. Please help me end my pain. I cant do this much longer. How can it hurt so much?
I am really sorry, but I cut myslelf one hour ago. It was so hard to stay clean ’cause there was so much pain and everyone said, that I fuck everything up. I’m scared, that it’s true. I am always so ugly and fucked up and just really… I don’t know what to say. Please forgive me ’cause I fuck everything up. Always.
I never have been in this frame of mind. Where everything means nothing. I was a happy child. A good student. A great mother and then I was struck with a debilitating illness. My life was heavenly and now it’s beyond hell. I am limited to doing nothing because I am so ill. Is laying in bed by the force of this disease, day by day, minute by minute living. I have had enough of this suffering. It is beyond cruel. To be not aware of this living hell is my only hope. It’s closer than I think.
This is one of those night I strated to think about future. What is ahead of me? I ended up thinkinging about hope. What is hope?
It means so many different things to so many people. For some people it’s about getting food to stay alive. For some people it’s about getting alive to a school or to a scrocery store. For some it means about getting through the everyday life, even you have everything you need. I’m one of the persons in the last group.
I have a family. Beatyfull and smart wife, two awesome boys. I love my family more than life itself. Â I have […]
When I first started feeling depressed and suicidal I didn’t go through with ending it all because I held onto the hope that things will surely get better, and I could find a way to fix everything. That was 5 years ago and I’m still waiting for things to get better …….
I’m running out of reasons to wait…
The beginning  of January I became depressed at first i didn’t think i was i thought it was because i didn’t believe it, i went to talk to someone nd i got some medication and it worked for a month until i had lost control, my step dad was in a metal worker so he knows what to do but when i feel depress try everything i can to find ways to kill myself. I look at my siblings and want to be them. I wanted to die but now i want to get better
So I told my psychiatrist about my overdose a couple weeks ago; they now know of three of my suicide attempts. And each time they haven’t done squat to help me. Yet again I was told of  the dangers it can cause my liver and all that, he asked my how likely it was that I’d try again. I said there’s a 50/50 chance I would. So I was basically telling her that I probably, almost more than certain would do it again. So what did she do? Tell my mum what happened and tell her to remove all medication from the house; […]
Why do older people consider themselves wiser and smarter?
They really think that experience defines someone.They say things like : “Poor you! you’re so young.You don’t know what life is.”.It’s really annoying.I’m really sure one can find answers about life through many ways.I didn’t fall in love, I didn’t get married, I didn’t get my own house, I didn’t have sex, I didn’t get my own driver license, I’m not a father or grandfather, I didn’t have a career, I didn’t found true happiness.So what? think I’m upset because I didn’t do everything or good part of the things I could have done or still […]
my dad and i got in a fight last night about my Spanish grade. i told him keeping my grades up is hard because i get stressed. he yelled at me for having a low tolerance for stress. he said to me back when i was a kid i can handle all you go through and more. but he never had to go through what i do. feeling worthless and stressed all the time, being picked on for being different, getting yelled at every night by a drunken asshole because he wants me to feel bad about myself. i used to like myself when i […]
It’s terrible when you’re walking down the street, or simply talking to someone, and suddenly you can feel like you can’t hold back your tears anymore. You start crying and you don’t know why. Everybody stares and asks what’s wrong and you can’t answer their question. There’s nothing wrong, nothing bad is happening and you have everything anyone could ever ask for. And yet you don’t feel happy.
I used to love the night because I could just sleep and forget everything for a while. But now, the silence and the insomnia, it forces me to focus on things I’m trying to forget. Sometimes  I try and figure out how my life spiralled into such a mess.
Some say it’s all or none. Others say something is better than nothing. Which is it? I get so mad at myself for accepting the unacceptable, but when I cut people out of my life I regret it. I have no life essentially. No family, and one good friend (who doesn’t have the time of day for me because she does have a family). After being depressed for about 20 years, I don’t believe it gets better, I believe this is my life and I need to accept that. I am not meant to have or experience things that others do. I am right where […]
I’ve done quite a few posts on here before… That was a while back. But now everything is worse. I’m breaking  and I don’t know what to do. I just want to show how I feel. Basically I was bullied horribly from 5th grade to 9th. Then in 9th grade I couldn’t take it so I tried to commit suicide. Not just because of school but because of my family. I couldn’t take it anymore. I got sent to a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks. I ended up getting diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in December of last year. It gets harder and harder each day. […]
Hello everyone
Im Shianna and I’ve been bullied since I was 10
It started in 4th grade
At the beginning I had lots of friends I was always to popular girl I would always bring in snacks for everyone and I loved school.
Well somewhere in 4th grade I started gaining crazy weight I weighed 178
Remember a 10 year old weighing that is really dangerous so my doctor gave me pills and more pills. But they didn’t help
At all. 4Th grade was over I was in 5th now and III t was around my 11th birthday
When I walked pass a group of boys […]
It’s been while since last post. I have been trying to keep myself a little hope that everything goes better but it is just fucking big lie. I dont know anymore who I am . Feels just whole time that this is a nightmare. Back in time I was very socially but now just shy and most likely I just want to be in home where I am safe but same time afraid. when i look outside of window for people’s talking each other or running all over the places i Think how they survives whit black in their mind’s and why i just get […]
I’m tired of being taken advantage of and sacrificing everything that has defined me. The lies, betrayal, and overall the feeling of stupidity has destroyed my way of life. I never have put so much depth into thoughts, creating these insane scenarios, having my mind beat me till I’m black and blue. People. The more I surround myself with people, the worse everything gets. Taunted, ridiculed, and abused for absolutely no reason at all. The second that happens, I instantly feel lower than others, comparing myself to others. Deep down, I’m fucking raging with hate and  desperately seeking for some kind of justification for all […]
How does one justify life? Â I’m 34 years old, I’ve lived a decidedly easy life compared to most. Â I’ve made choices in my life that put me where I am today. Â I have a great career and a lot invested in it. Â I have a wife, a step-son and an adopted son.. Â My future is set in stone, my life is decided.
What if I realize that the choices that got me where I am were the wrong choices and I can’t take them back? Â Do I ditch my old life for a new one and destroy lives around me so I can be happy? Â Or […]