I actually reached out tonight to the National Suicide Prevention chat online. I’m still on it in another window. It’s a little comforting so far. My urges to end my life aren’t so overwhelming now. Has anyone else had experience with them? I was actually kind of afraid that they would dispatch cops or someone to come take me to a hospital. It sounds absurd, but I’ve heard of it happening before.
I have discovered that I don’t want to die, I want to live but just can’t bear the reality I’m faced with (having no redeeming qualities and having no place in this world). I didn’t understand what it actually meant to die and that scares the living shit out of me. To think how close I came to jumping from a skyscraper and being sucked into a vacuum to never feel or experience anything ever again… it’s hard to believe it’s what I wanted. It was only in coming to close to death that saved my life. But my life is still shattered and I […]
I love the way that life hands me extra frustration when I am already feeling more pain than I can withstand. There is nothing to do but distract myself, try to find pleasure in simple things and endure the experience until it finally ends.
I get so tired of looking up, of putting a happy face over my perceptions and soldiering on. But there really is nothing else to do except feel raw pain distinctly. Does that help me?
I keep having intrusive thoughts about choices that I regret having made and about how my life compares to the life that I hoped to live. […]
Does anyone have experience with it? My nurse practioner says she’s seen an 80% cure rate in her clients.
Cure? For this? It sounds too good to be true.
as anyone tried this method if so what where your experience’s.
Hello everyone,
I know this question has been asked here before, but I wanted to ask it again now to see if I could get some updated information anyway. I hope you don’t mind.
Does anyone here have any experience with Zoloft / Sertraline / Lustral that you would be willing to share with me? I tried some other anti-depressants a couple of years ago, but they turned me into a “zombie”, so I’m wary of trying again — so I thought I’d come here to look for some help or advice. Thank you in advance.
I really hoped I wouldn’t get into this state ever again…
Last time I had these very violent urges,I almost killed someone…over a damn simple insult!Ever since,I hoped that I could control myself,as to prevent these urges from ever coming back again…They’re back now,despite of all my efforts to keep the violent thoughts away from my mind…
The worst part is that,when suffering from these urges,I almost totally lose control of myself.Just the smallest trigger of an insult can make something in my brain just snap,and then I lose control,attacking the individual(s),regardless of their size or number of people in the group.I believe that it this aggressiveness […]
I wonder if I’m mad.
At times I feel so content with life
and the next moment I’m loathing it.
I want to be special, that elite, that genius, that child prodigy,
And yet when I look back ,
all I want is a simple life , a simple home, and experience that simple happiness.
Depressing thoughts come swiftly in my mind,
whispering such tempting and soothing threats,
and only with it do I feel alive.
Am I twisted, a lunatic , a mad man for thinking such a thing?
It feels as though despair has becomed my only friend.
And without it I feel incomplete.
Despair, it is the black of the night,
and the night of […]
I am going to visit a therapist tomorrow for the first time. I figure it can’t hurt. But how much information do I share with her. I don’t even know how I would describe my suicidal thoughts to her. It’s just something I feel, not something that can be explained. Has anyone visited a therapist before? Any advise or anyone want to share your experience?
So some of you may remember one of my earlier posts where I talked about my jogging group and this girl I talked to. Even though the first time it was pretty awkward, we had some nice conversations over the last few times. And she even smiles or laughs sometimes when I say something funny (at least when I say something, I don’t say a lot though). And sometimes she falls back or speeds up to run next to me even if we’re not saying anything. And she always smiles and says good bye after the jogging. I know I suck at interpreting those “signs” […]
When I was on medication the side effects kept me awake and now that I’ve been drug-free for the past half year it’s pure torment that’s keeping me awake. All day I struggle to focus on anything then I crawl into bed and I ruminate over every single thing that’s happened and experience panic attacks over all the things I can’t change. I wonder why I stick around, I’m a useless piece of shit and should have ended my life a long time ago. I don’t know why I wait for some miracle. I have nothing of value.
Thanks for taking the time to read my first post & comment so kindly. It’s not surprising that many of us are in agreement on the subject of making the conscious decision to put an end to what is for most of us the unending hell of constant emotional pain. (As I’ve tried to explain to mental health “professionals”, it’s like being trapped in a room engulfed in flame, and the only escape is to jump to your death.)
In my over 30 years of experience in […]
As it gets closer to time I’m wondering what it will be like. Will there be pain? Will I feel life leaving my body? Will I be asleep? Will I be afraid? Will I fail? If I fail what’s going to happen? Will I be hospitalized? Psych hold? What method will I try next if the pills fail me? My brain is busy processing all these questions. Has anyone attempted before that is willing to share your experience?
Before I begin, I just want to tell the moderator that I won’t be making posts which go against the posting rules. Tomorrow morning, I will be making another attempt to hang myself. I was going to do it today but I realised that someone might come home early. This would not have been good for me. I am hoping that I will not be stopped by my fear of the pain. That was what stopped me in my first attempt. Admittedly, I felt quite disheartened by my paralyzing fear and I did not try again for several days afterwards. However, I realise now that […]
How did it feel to come so close? To walk the line between life and death.
Were you relieved?
Was there a “light” rushing towards you?
How long were you drifting for, and what did the drifting feel like?
Is the experience of leaving worth the pain – was there pain, torment?
What was on your mind?
I’ve heard more than anything that one feels an crushing sense of regret upon passing the point of no return.
Finally, what was it like to wake up afterward? Was there frustration? Self-pity? Rejection? Do you feel differently now than you did before?
What has life become for you?
I don’t know if anyone else goes through this, but I don’t experience too much happiness because of the mind I have. My mind is my greatest bully. It tells me things that may or may not be. It over-analyzes things. It makes mountains out of molehills. When I’m happy, it’s ok. But when I am having a bad day, I’m really REALLY having a bad day. What do I do when I have a bad day? I think of suicide of course. My mind sets me up. It seems like it’s not mine sometimes. It’s like a voice that says…”no one cares”….or “no one will miss you”……or “you would […]
it’s scary
not knowing what’s on the other side
not knowing how the exit will go
some claim to know the answer
but they profess their belief and not a fact
in my mind it swirls
will i be in pain?
will i linger?
i imagine all black on the other side
no feeling, no emotion, no individual consciousness
there’s no joy or accomplishment or love
but there’s no fear or pain or anger either
i would make that trade
the grass does seem greener on that other side
am i wrong?
can i do better for myself over here?
the neutrality of death is appealing
on this side i’m a pessimist
over there it’s not possible
while all of experience might be expressed […]
but i guess it makes my problems less important
every few days i find the idea of a drug addict life more and more attractive
maybe the short lived thrill seems better than no thrill at all
i want to be in partial control. experience “happiness” and do it over again
then when i get tired of it, do my big finale
sounds stupid but thats what i want. i gave up on wanting the better things. odds are slim and get slimmer every day
i cant explain it. i dont want anything. i want to die
Who said that love was fire?
I know that love is ash.
It is the thing which remains
When the fire is spent,
The holy essence of experience
Hey everyone. I mentioned a while ago that I was going to start ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) for my depression. I’m starting tomorrow and keeping a video blog of my experience. I just uploaded my first video (Before ECT). I will post videos as the treatment progresses. Here is the address to the link. If you ever have any questions, post them on the youtube channel comment section and ask.
Whitney