I keep telling my guy that it’s getting harder & harder to not end my pain. I am flustered and short tempered with him bc I want him to help me, I want someone to see that I do not attempt I have been talking about it for a long time, that when I try I will in fact die. I have these reels of rapes and hurt, abandonment, success then failure that just play in my head and I cannot get them to stop. I did a program for PTSD and I use to be some hot shot CEO, but it’s like… I still […]
Tag:
Failure
To sum things up, I don’t like my life.
By no stretch of the imagination is my life the worst. The hardest, the most miserable. But I still hate living.
My childhood was verbally abusive. I live with the constant guilt of driving a loved one to their death because of my neglect. I was molested in the 7th grade. My friends don’t ever invite me to their social gatherings, though I guess I wouldn’t want to hang around with me either.
My family and myself are in deep shit financially.
In school, I have advanced classes. Did well on the SATs, state tests, the like. But […]
So i spent yesterday and moat of today in the hospital for an attempt at suicide i tried to overdose on sleeping pills that were prescribed to me. And now i failed again and feel like complete shit and a complete failure.
I’m almost 17 and I’ve had social problems my whole life. I BELIEVE I might have a personality disorder, although I don’t really know. The problem with getting diagnosed, treated, etc is that I’ve grown accustomed to faking a lot of interaction with people. I’ve seen four or five psychologists and stuff now, with no real results. Most of them just sent me off saying I was fine after five or six visits. I know I’m not ‘fine’. I used to have anger management when I was really young, like 8 or something. Then later on (still age eight) my mother tried to kill herself. […]
Why bother attempting something when all it will lead to is embarrassment and worsening of the situation? When somethings fucked, you can never fix it back to 100%, so why do you try? It will never be as good as you could possibly make it.
The social problems started in middle school. Being a quiet nerd has downfalls. What’s worse was trying to break out and improve myself, only to lose the one thing I had going, which was intelligence. Giving up good marks to have a couple friends and still be bullied.
The bullying ended in 9th grade. I suppose everyone was just too weirded out by me to even […]
“I don’t know what to do. My life is empty. I’ve wasted too much time. I’m useless. I’m insignificant.
I wish I was strong enough to kill me.
Why am I not?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
After all, it’s the best thing to do…”
That’s how my diary started today. That’s how, with some very tiny differences, my diary has started and gone on for too much time.
I’m tired. I just want to sleep. I just want everything to finish, right now.
Why do people who love living so much die all of a sudden?
I don’t like living. I never have.
The world is so full of people. And […]
I feel so completely alone. I don’t see the point in living.
Almost all of my family is fucked up, they love me but they’re mostly alcoholics and/or deluded. I know my dad will miss me, I hate to do this to him. My mom will too, and I care about her but not enough. Neither of them are enough. I’m sorry.
My boyfriend and I are “taking a break”. But I know what the end result will be. He’ll probably find someone else better than me. I don’t think he cares about me anymore. We used to be so in love… I love him so much. […]
And I’ve lost, I took a gamble and tried getting my campus involved for the first time in the university elections. However personally I have won! I’ve spoke to 1000’s of people, taking the time to explain what a students union is and connected with people that have been unrepresented, neglected and forgotten for too long. The guy that won was a unknown, I am so glad that someone new to the Union won it!
Today as I write this I am going fail my dissertation, 40 credits wasted, and without a miracle 4 years of university wasted. Its not all been bad, at least I’ve […]
You know you’d think your problems would end when you grow up, more time goes by everyday and i realize i had it so much more easier when i was sixteen then i do now.
everything started when i was fourteen i lost my grandmother and my dad in one year. my grandmother was just the start of my fathers depression. On my fathers side most of my family are bipolar and have anxiety. So with it i have also developed these unwanted traits. after my father passed my whole world dropped. I started contemplating suicide at sixteen and i was always a failure at it. […]
It feels as if there is no light in the distance, just pitch black darkness. I wake up feeling like a failure knowing that my parents keep thinking when am I going to do something with my life and just not hang around being a waste of space.there’s no better way I can put this knowing that it all feels true, to feel there’s no need for me to breath. *sigh* why is it that I still breathe, why is it that everyday I wake and feel the same way. Is that the purpose of my life to feel like a worthless piece of nothingness. […]
My mom constantly calls me stupid and tells me I’m a jerk, piece of trash, lazy, etc. She’s going through a stressful point in her life and I see it, but why is she hurting me? She doesn’t hit me, at least not physically. But sometimes the things she says hurt worse that the physical things abusive parents do. I’m still young, but even when I was younger I was thought of as something special. I scored off the charts on standarized tests, blew away the standard curriculum at my public school, and was invited into many gifted programs and such. I’m currently in the […]
When I searched for this website, I was totally suffering from my depression. I never went to a consultant but I knew I was depressing.
I was living in a city that everyone has the desire to living here. A wonderful city that make me fall in love with but also drain me in the hell. Two years ago, I graduated from high school, and apply to one of the university in the city which the agent helped me to prepare it all. I got a really bad high school GPA that I was really afraid of the university would’t take me. Eventually I went to […]
They dont know how badly i want to die. I’m suffocating. Every day is a battle. I think about how easy it is for me to just overdose or cut to deep. dont want to feel pain anymore.I dont want to be stuck here. I can’t do this anymore. I just want someone to notive how much I’m hurting. It hurts so deeply its a struggle to breathe.i cut to take away the pain for awhile. But when it’s this bad i cant do anything. I’m a basket case. I hate it here. I just want to be free of myself. I am […]
I’m…I don’t know what I am. Depressed? Bipolar? According to a medical diagnosis, probably not. I’ve read stories on here that speak of not being able to even get up in the morning, who can’t find the will to do anything. I, however, get up, I go to school, put on a smile, talk to people, act normal. Inside, I’m a complete mess. School is like my own personal hell. I really don’t have friends. I’m so alone and yet surrounded by people. I hate life. I want to die. God, how I just want to end this torture. There are some days I actually […]
Pain…its not the sharp or intense pain that is experienced when first separating the skin. No, it’s the dull, deep, and gnawing pain after cutting too deep and you’re waiting for the incision to heal. It’s the long week(s) of paranoia and wearing long sleeves in the summer hoping no one will notice or if they do, praying that they don’t call you out. That’s what it has felt like for me this past month…and i am not quite sure what to think about it all….
Ahh… the bitter sweet recognition of failure. Realizing that all you ever were was in reality, nothing at all… Seeing […]
So…I’m 20 year old girl who is feeling like a loser for her whole life.
I fail at college which my parents and I pay a lot of money for. I just don’t feel like studying. Even when I find the will to do that, it disappears quickly and rarely returns. Â I find studying boring and unefficient. I fail at being a college student.
This is just what was been worrying me recently. My whole life is some kind of a sick joke someone got me into and I have the feeling that everyone around me laugh at me behind my back. I’m just miserable.
So I think […]
So I’ve ended up isolating myself socially, to some extent. I stopped going to work, and I stopped being honest with the people who actively try to make me feel better. I just say that I’m okay, although I don’t really know how I feel. I try not to think, because when I start doing just that, I remember how much of a failure I am, and that I really should just end it. And that’s the only form of solace I’ve got. “Well, it might be bad, but I could always kill myself, so it’s okay I guess”.
I don’t really want to tell anyone […]
How can every life be precious when there are seven billion others?
At what point does self-esteem building become self-delusion?
When you set goals, are you setting yourself up for failure?
Are chronically depressed people ill, or realistic?
Do psychoactive drugs improve your life or just numb you to your pain?
If your friends and family don’t want you to kill yourself, why don’t they do anything to help?
Hi People! Again its me! no joke… i dont write that often x)
anyways! this night, high again but this time on speed… thinking about some things ive done
today for a change i went to my moms place to see her (ya she kicked me out umm.. 1 month ago) so yaa i went to see her to pick clothes and my guitar and also talk and mayb arrange things… abviously she talked to me in a bitchy way this made me FUCKING angry i tried to calm down but i started replying back in a stupide way to joke around (btw i was […]
I’ve read quite a few stories on here and found it helpful to put my own issues into perspective. It hurts to read how many people are suffering. I wish there was something I could do to help…but I can barely help myself. Every setback or failure makes me feel like I’m ready to let go…and every success or good thing makes me feel undeserving and on the verge of failure. It’s so difficult to see that things do get better. Especially when you’ve been alone for such a very long time and you know you’re not typical or normal or not sure you’re worth […]