Its me…..i’ve still been cutting….i’ve been cutting for 3 years now. And i cant stop. I dont know how to get help and i don’t know how to tell my parents. they found out before and supposedly am a lot better but i never really felt that way. Or maybe i did feel better but i can’t let go of my past and i never stopped cutting. I dont cut in my wrists anymore cause my mom got really mad at me the last time she saw it….she hasn’t been very understanding but then again i know its hard for a my mom to see […]
Tag:
Failure
I have died in my dreams a hundred times. I have tried to kill myself several times in my waking life, which seems more like a living nightmare to me. Â In all the 20 years I’ve lived I haven’t done a single good thing. All I have is regrets, though when I come to rethink the steps I took and the choices I made there doesn’t seem to be another way I could have gone.
I have been a complete failure since my childhood. But back then I took life much easier because my childhood activities took me away from all the bad thoughts and my […]
The doctors speak a language all their own
Full of words and chemicals unknown
To vacant minds with drugged behinds
So they can fix their wretched soul
It will fix you they say
As though you were broken in some way and your mind could be replaced
With one more common place and less problematic
To them it’s just another day
In the asylum in which they stay
Day after day they prey upon the psyche of lost children and desperate parents.
Their duties to help the needy
To be carried out hastily
By giving them lobotomies
Through a poison masked as a remedy.
I was there, a zombie amongst the horde
The ER having me deferred
To a ward full […]
i wish there was a delete button built into us. I was a bad mom, a bad grandmom and a bad wife. This life is full of so much pain. I have withdrawn from it. I am sad when i wake up in the morning because i have to go through another day. I am 62 years old. I was abandoned as a child and i have lived my entire life not belonging anywhere. I feel like a spaceship landed and i got off on the wrong planet. I believe in Jesus and in heaven. I want to go now. whatever purpose this life […]
i let everyone down everyday. i feel like i always say i live only to keep the people around me happy but everyone says i have to do things for myself. ive gotten caught up in drugs and i feel like a complete failure. everyone says i need to quit for myself but i dont know how. they wont let me quit unless it is just for me. i got into a fight with my parents the other night and i broke down then came to my other house to get away. i cant help but feel guilty for the pain i put people through […]
i dont even know what to say anymore. the slightest word to describe how i feel escapes my brain. ive now failed at killing myself 10 times. Im like the helen keller of suicide. if we’re all born to die and we all die to live than whats the point of living since they both contradict. so ya some would call me a suicide survivor i just call myself a failure and suicide just happens to be one of the things i fail at
I am 20 and a student at stevens institute of technology for mechanical engineering. i dont know why i feel like this, it all started last year around christmas time. i began to feel very depressed but i treated it like everything else about me i dont like, i covered it up. It escalated over that semester and through the summer. now im in my third semester and im slipping to the point of failure in every class. if i dont pass all of these classes i will be asked to not return to the school, which is not an option. Ive pledged a fraternity and they […]
i miss you so much. and i know i ruined our relationship. seeing you with someone else just kills me. it breaks me into pieces and i want to hold you again. i can’t live like this anymore. i miss school all the time. im weak and hopeless. and i only know the way out of this is to die. i don’t have the ability to do it myself. but i wish i did. i want to leave. im not strong enough to go through this pain and suffering. Â i need to let go. i have no true friends. i have my family but thats […]
It’s been a brutal semester. I just need to get this out, so I can concentrate on completing my final paper. I’m feeling tremendously overwhelmed. Failure weighs heavily, on my mind, I got kicked out of university my first year, I took too many classes, yes my parents pressured me, but I could have said no and I missed the deadline to withdraw without penalty. One of my friend’s had the same problem and she found out we could talk to the dean, I didn’t show up for my appointment with the dean because I believed all the things I had ever heard about myself […]
Depressed over a romantic failure. How familiar does it sound? I was talking to her for almost a year, but she ended up falling in love with someone she knew for three months. It’s a downer. But why would she fall for someone like me? 24, living at home, can’t find a job, and really awkward. Yes, she said its cute and stuff, but cute goes only so far. And it happens again and again.
Looking into people’s eyes has always been a challenge for me. I stutter. I seem to have no control over the tone of my voice and my facial expressions. This makes […]
Okay, nothing is working. I’m always sad even when I’m happy, I feel empty. I stopped cutting. although it sounded like a good idea, but I can’t not cut. cutting was my way to release the fucking pain I feel inside. and honestly, I want to start smoking again. I want to smoke and just forget about everything. I’m such a failure. my friends don’t want me to smoke cigarettes anymore, but they have no problem trying to pressure me to smoke cigars (no not those big fat ones that mob bosses smoke all the time) where is your logic??
So, my question to you, where […]
I found myself writing earlier today in a notebook in the freezing cold as I waited for the bus to that would take me to work… The only reason I decided to write was so I could remember everything that was passing through my mind at the time. Reading back over it now, I’m steadily losing the will to fight with myself anymore again. I’m tired… I want to sleep and just not wake up… I know I don’t deserve that; it’s too easy, too peaceful…
I have a family I support solely, children I want to raise and a decent job by most standards, and […]
My whole life I’ve been told that I was smart. Smart enough to do anything I wanted. I would be the one in the family to go the furthest and make everyone proud. Well, here I am, about to fail my first class in grad school. There’s no way out of it now, save death. The final is Monday, and I know nothing. Every time I try to study I look blankly at the slides for about a half hour, then cry for an hour, then I’m so exhausted all I want to do is take a shower and go to sleep. Everywhere I turn […]
i have been depressed which is a mild word  in comparison to what i feel for so long i dont remember ever being happy EVER,i hate this life i hate everything about it, i hate my ex i  would love to castrate him and  engulf him on fire then shoot myself, but naw i would rather just end my own pain let him live with his and everything he did to cause all my newest pain, i dont see any reason to exist other than to be miserable and makes those around me miserable and uncomfortable to be around me, people tend to […]
I want to die.
It has taken me a long time to come to that conclusion.
Why do I want to die? In a nutshell: because I’m in intense emotional and mental pain.
The longer version?……… Life is too much of a struggle. Most things I go after results in total failure and misery. I find it very difficult to relate to people on a deeper emotional level. Conversing with people is an enormous challenge. I wish I didn’t stutter.
It tortures me that I can’t even say my name without stuttering. The look I receive from people when I stutter is extremely painful, so I mostly choose not […]
My parents … (if you must call them that) are absolutely the worse. They’re the reason why I will never trust anyone, they’re the reason why I think everyone is out to get me, they’re the reason why I hate myself. They act as if I don’t exist. They ignore me on a daily basis. They tell everyone that I was a mistake, that i’m their constant reminder of failure. I try to pretend that everything they say is the opposite. But it never really works out. The man I am forced to call my dad, is constantly making me regret living. He’s the reason why […]
I’m tired of everything, I’m tired of putting a smile in front of everyone like if I was really happy, of pretending that I’m happy. I’m tired of feeling like I’m a failure and seeing the disappointment in my moms eyes, but she still smiles beacuse I’m her daugther, beacause I will never be as good a her, as my sister. That I don’t see a brilliant future for me, that I’m always going to be so insignificant, so worthless, and I wish I didn’t think about how them, about hou my family is going to feel if I died, and just think of myself.
So […]
Lately I wish I could just disappear and be erased from everyone’s’ memories. I hate how everything is going, but I don’t even dare to try to attempt something. It would hurt people a lot, especially my mother who has been in a battle with cancer for almost two years. I try to be optimistic, start the day and keep in my mind that things will get better… I’m 25, and I haven’t done anything with my life. I’m tired of trying and not making anything happen, just one failure after another.
I always make schedules.
According to my schedule I had to have readen all three books I needed to read for the two exams I had. According to my schedule I had to finish them last friday. Which was possible if I wasnt just a complete ****.
I already decided to do only one exam because I thought that would be easier and I would at leats get to finish reading for 1 subjct. And I cant. I cant get to finish it. And its not even that hard.
According to my schedule I was supposed to start studying an hour ago. And I didnt do it. Because […]
I just had a complete meltdown. I had been thinking about suicide for the longest time. I felt like a failure, like my life wasn’t worth it. So I took some codeine pills. It made me feel like I was dead for a while. And then I just threw it all up. I fail at everything. I can’t even kill myself. Life just isn’t worth living for me. I feel so alone.