Hmph

My parents … (if you must call them that) are absolutely the worse. They’re the reason why I will never trust anyone, they’re the reason why I think everyone is out to get me, they’re the reason why I hate myself. They act as if I don’t exist. They ignore me on a daily basis. They tell everyone that I was a mistake, that i’m their constant reminder of failure. I try to pretend that everything they say is the opposite. But it never really works out. The man I am forced to call my dad, is constantly making me regret living. He’s the reason why I first started cutting. I thought maybe if I start to cut i’ll get their attention and they’ll realize that there is something wrong, that they need to start being there for me… It’s been 4 years and i’m still waiting for them to notice. I’ve attempted suicide. No I am not proud of it. I am honestly scared that one day it wont fail. I’ve told them I’ve tried killing myself and they just laugh. One time they said “I wish you would of succeeded.” I always hear people say that suicide is selfish. But is it still selfish when it will hurt no one? Yea, I have friends but I don’t trust them, I think they’re all secretly plotting against me. I don’t trust you either …You’re just like everyone else, you don’t care about me. You wouldn’t care if I killed myself right now. I am honestly about to give up. I really don’t know how much more I can take. My uncle … whom I do not think of as family. He’s coming over tomorrow I haven’t seen him since the incident (whole different story). I don’t know how i’m going to react when I see him. I don’t want to see him. I wish he’d disappear. Or even better I wish i’d disappear. Not that it would make a difference anyways… I use to trust somebody. He was my best friend, he was the most amazing person I had ever met. But 3 years ago he passed away. He left me by myself. Now I have no one. I’m sixteen and I’ve been through things that I believe no kid my age or anyone, should have to go through. I just wish that I could have one person in my life that I could talk to. I think it would really help. But that’s never going to happen because I can’t allow myself to get hurt again..