Hello guys! I haven’t used this website in 2 years and seeing my older posts are quite a strange experience. I came here in 2014 because isolation and depression pushed me to the edge, rock bottom, or whatever. Started feeling depressed 10 years ago! It’s my Sadniversary and I thew up my birthday cake. My birthday was wednesday and I had a violent indigestion, because why the hell not. Well this feeling persists, yet again. The reason I’m here today is because even if I do feel this pain, this need to die, this very heavy weight of self shame and being worthless, it is […]
I am not a very religious person and I still am not close with my “spiritual side”, but I am going to try another time and turn to God to help me through whatever.
I am saying goodbye to you SP. I’m deleting my old posts and I’m going to burn my black book and anything else I used for “coping”. I simply don’t need them anymore.
I’ve tried in the past to read the bible and pray to God, but nothing came of it. I am going to try harder and build actual faith instead of pretending this time.
My advice to you all is just give […]
I can’t really remember the last time I thought there was a God. I don’t think I was ever really into following God or the whole religious thing, either. The only thing I specifically remember that set my atheism in stone is existentialism. That shit changed me.
I’m wondering how many of you are atheist? I know there are some. Did you ever believe? If not, what changed your mind on the whole thing?
I would also like to note that I’m not your typical atheist. I would not be the person to push atheism in your face and tell you that you’re wrong for believe in […]
Is only me
I’m not capable of such kind
But surely I loved you
Your feet to the ground and to the view
Feeling, all that I feel is ultimate agony
Call to me, the poor and agony
You beautifully blow into a black-hole
The Blue Marvel, do not gravitate me farther in time in your fate
Faith, keeping me upside-down in irony
Allah, I call to, Allah
The theme from the short lived series Enterprise. This song sort of describes my present state of mind, appropriate for where I feel my journey is headed.
It’s been a long road
Getting from there to here
It’s been a long time
But my time is finally near
I went out with K again, and it helped a bit. I don’t know why. We didn’t do anything special. But we talked a lot, and now I know she’s like me. She sees the problems like I do. Well, not as much as I do, but a lot more than most people I know.
I still feel strange. Out of place. Like I’m from somewhere else. I still see the problems. The issues. But now I don’t feel hopeless. I feel like there’s a solution. Like there is a way out. A light in the dark. K showed me that.
I still have near to no faith […]
Hi. I’m new here.
I don’t know what to beleive in.
Hope is useless.
The last time I actually had fun was a long while ago. I don’t have anything I really care about.
I guess what I’m saying is I don’t feel like I have a purpose. I have no reason to be. And when something I own has no reason to be, it accumulates dust in my closet.
I don’t want to accumulate dust in the closet. I want to do something.
I have a couple friends but I… I don’t know if… I don’t know whose side they’re on. I know a girl and we go out sometimes, but she […]
I’m really considering hanging, the tools are easy to find, I’m tired of it all life is just so hard on me,I honestly don’t believe it will get better have lost all Faith and I Hate every fucking moment I am still alive . I feel that my mind is so messed up and destroyed. Why can’t I just be okay again . Why……..
“Take a leap of faith” you said
“and leave this foreign place instead
where demons breathe and dreamers die
and pain and hatred coincide”
“and then what happens?” I replied
I couldn’t even if I tried”
You took my hand and said to me
“trust me, let’s just run and flee”
we race through chasms deep and wide
where some have lived and others died
through broken lands of dust we pass
as we walk on roads of shattered glass
just you and me against the world
where hopes and dreams begin to blur
we run for days, for years and more
and witness all […]
Don’t get me wrong,  i don’t think a little faith can hurt anyone, but my views on church tbh? kind of pointless.  i do in fact believe their is a God but going to church, I feel like  i’m surrounded by hypocrites. If your going to love, praise and worship god than why not do that on your own time? Just being around  people just makes things worse because as soon as you leave no one is the same person..  i just pray to god that when I finally leave this earth he will take me..
http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/16/us/snake-salvation-pastor-bite/
A pastor died recently from a poisonous snake bite. He believed that if you are “anointed by God” you can handle deadly serpents without getting hurt. Adherents to this faith draw their inspiration from a passage in the Bible. Mark 16: 17-18 “And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name they shall cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues. They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing , it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover”.
After the pastor was bitten he refused medical treatment. He’d been bitten […]
Just read a highly inspiring post called “Why are you still here?”. That is a great question, why are we (hurt, abused, heart broken, destroyed, ready to give up on life) still here? Everyone has a reason, everyone has a PURPOSE. It took a lot for me to find that out. I’m pretty depressed right now, it has actually gotten worst as this new year came in, nothing has gone right everything is turning for the worst. Dreams, memories, everyday experiences all going wrong. Came on here to read over my posts to see how far I’ve gotten, but that one post caught my eye […]
I DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO FROM HERE.
IT ALL USED TO BE SO CLEAR..
IM FINDINGÂ I CANT DOÂ THIS ON MY OWN.
AS LONG AS I KNOW THAT YOU ARE NEAR…
IM DONE FIGHTING THIS WORLD
.. IM FINALLY LETTING GO.
..I WILL TRUST IN YOU..
YOUVE NEVER FAILED MEÂ Â BEFORE….
.I WILL TRUST IN YOU…
IF THERES A PATH I SHOULD WALK ….                                                      HELP ME FIND IT..
..IF I NEED TO BE STILL,
GIVE ME PEACE FOR THE MOMENT
BEFORE MY DEATHÂ Â Â ……
..AND MY RE BIRTH TO
MY REAL JOURNEYÂ ..
..IN SRIRIT….
.FOR EVERY STEP YOUÂ TAKE ..
YOUÂ WERE NEVER ALONE…
.EVEN WHEN […]
Love is after us 24/7 . But in the end ,you ended up in Hell…if
you make that fault mistake ………………… but mine you ,you’ll
 still be in Love. I am Human but I bleed just like everyone
else. When she has her trying days, I listened to the rocks and
stones that come my way. Â Is this Love? Love is who you,
Surrender too. Whoever ,you think you where. That’s when
ever thing changes, when Love, comes knocking on your
door. Love blinded you to a Fault, it Trust everything. It has
Faith in honor, without question. Believing is to convince
your mind, that the heart in your soul is safe  ,and that […]
Fear, Frustration, Anger and Heart Break changes that.
Have you ever been so excited and so alive with one person yet for no apparent reason they just leave and everything changes? One day you guys are doing so much and are so happy that you can’t leave that person behind, because you think that there isn’t anyone as loving like them or enjoy each other’s company? You’ve done almost everything together and feels like nobody can ever replace them? Then one day, you both wake up. They leave you behind for other people. They lie; make excuses. Then they or another person tells you that they never met […]
I guess i am not the ordinary 17 year old kid, I walk around with a tophat with goggles, long leather coats with spikes on them and jeans with chains. But this not even why people threaten me everyday, or throw rocks at me because they did that before I started looking weird. I guess it’s just me, for some reason I probably deserve it, because no matter what i do, no matter where i go i always get punished. When it’s not people punishing me it is faith, broken bikes with 15km to  go and no one to reach, trains suddenly all stop, beehives […]
I think I should become christian.I don’t want to go to h*ll,and if I’m atheist then I’d run the risk of going to h*ll if God does exist.When I was christian I was happy but I lost my faith and started feeling alone again.So I think I should at least try to be christian before I think about killing myself.What do you think I should do?
I wonder where I would really go if were to commit suicide today…I guess I fear the unknown , I might’ve killed myself a long time ago if I knew where I was going…I don’t have enough “faith” to be atheist or christian.But I do believe in ghosts , Once I  heard something whisper call my name or I feel like something’s watching me (especially when I’m alone) . And once I had this dream that I was in a dark place and I felt something reach for my stomach and then I woke up my stomach felt weird…
Anyway I think I should become atheist or christian but I don’t […]
Hold it together.
Birds of a feather.
Nothing but lies and crooked wings.
I have the answer.
Spreading the cancer.
You are the faith inside me.
No, Don’t, leave me to die here.
Help me survive here, alone.
Don’t Remember!
Remember!
Put me to sleep, Evil Angel.
Open your wings, Evil Angel. (Ahhh)
I’m a believer.
Nothing could be worse.
All these imaginary friends.
Hiding betrayal.
Driving the nail.
Hoping to find a saviour.
No, don’t, leave me to die here.
Help me survive here, alone.
Don’t Surrender!
Surrender!
Put me to sleep, Evil Angel.
Open your wings, Evil Angel. (oohh)
Fly over me, Evil Angel.
Why can’t […]
Is it a society full of fuck ups,
Or a society full of hate,
A society full of villains,
Or a society with no faith,
I don’t know what they want me to do,
They see me as a delinquent,
But that’s what my record tells you,
I’ve grown since then,
You can just look at my health,
And easily see,
that I’m not my old self,
I may be still broken,
But I’ve gotten some will,
To stand up and say,
That what I’ve done takes skill,
Damn right I’m strange,
But who isn’t in this place,
They say I can change,
But it’s too late to save face,
I don’t care much either what you think of me,
If you really think my […]
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