I don’t know who I am anymore. It’s like my oldself escaped somehow. Is that even possible? Or am I still me but its hidden really deep inside. I don’t feel like myself when I’m alone. I don’t even know who I am. Everyone knows that happy girl because that’s the act I put up for people. Or is it..? I wonder and question about my life. A lot. I have family and friends who love me. I still don’t know why I feel so empty, this isn’t the first time. Actually I been feeling like this for a while. Putting up a past on […]
Tag:
Family And Friends
I have no reason for it. No reason for the pain, guilt, or regret. No reason to complain or whine or say anything bad about my life.
My family are some of the nicest, kindest people on this planet. My friends are always there for me no matter what. I love them all so much and would do anything for them. I came from a wealthy home. While I was not given everything, I was given what I needed(and a little extra) and that is not something everyone can say. I’ve had a good education. I wouldn’t say I’m a genius but if I.Q. tests tell you […]
I made another mistake. Again another mistake. All the stress, disappointment, failure, wasted finances I dont have, problems at work, added to my already deterioratking career, empty  savings account, disappointed family and friends, car and motorcycle thay need to be rebuilt, jeez the list goes on. Just when you thought it was piled high or you feel youc’re making baby steps toward improvement THEN you get kicked all the way back into a crawl.
I dont get itk? All these other people are so successful, almost with out even trying. While I try my ass off s succeed  then FALL! I fall twice as far as […]
Today I attended the funeral of a family friend, she was 22 years young and she had taken her own life on the 8th of august. I didn’t know her very well, but anyone could see she was very naturally beautiful with a contagious smile and an infectious laugh.
She was well known and well loved by so many people, all I’ve heard is how amazing she is, how she was free-spirited, selfless, caring and kind. I heard how much she loved people, music and how devoted she was to her family and friends.
I heard she was a beautiful, bubbly, spiritual and loving young […]
I’m in a bit of a situation and I need help making a final decision, please tell me what you would do.
I graduated from high school in June in the top 10% of my class. All of my friends are going to good universities and started leaving last week. I moved in today. The university I’m going to is only an hour away from my home and I can come home every weekend. At this specific university I was chosen to receive early admittance into nursing school which is hard to get into. I’m rooming with a good friend of mine from high school, […]
Why I feel this way I don’t know. I’m just upset about nothing. Pathetic, really. Right? I wasn’t bullied. I wasn’t raped. I wasn’t abused. I’m just sad. I really do wish that I had a proper reason; a trigger; a valid purpose for wanting to end my life. They all say life will get better, but I don’t think it will. I used to. I thought this was all just a phase; a couple years of my life spent wallowing in my own pity and sadness. I’m only a teenager, after all. I will be sad sometimes. But this is a new feeling. A feeling […]
Ever since I can remember I have never been happy, I have always plastered on a smile to easy other peoples minds, to make it seem like I’m not bothered by my small wasted life. I’m drained, for years I have been fighting off suicidal thoughts but now it’s getting to hard, I don’t want to die, it will fuck up my family and friends but at the same time I can’t hold on for much longer, nothing I do helps, I go to every doctor to get anti depressants I’m scared of doing it, I’m scared of not doing it and living I’m scared […]
Since I sold my car (that my wonderful ex bought me when I completed a depression rehab stint) I told my therapist that I woulnd’t be able to attend our sessions anymore… She of course rebuttled saying “No Ma’am, we can FaceTime chat instead”. Faaantastic.Â
So I just spent the last hour (and $250 bucks) lying through my webcam about how much better I’m doing. And no, those arent boxes in the background of my room that I’ve packed up for my departure! Ha. Whether she bought it or not at least I have the rest of the night to listen to […]
I decided on Nov 18, 2012, that I did not have 1 single happy day (or half day, or real significant moment of relief) that I would wait 365 days and if things had not improved (i.e., the happy moment), that I was done here, my work completed, and that I would just check out.
I have a great job, a nice family and all that “people strive” for – in fact, I feel selfish writing this post because I know full well that I am not hard done by…. but I lost the one. Not only did I lose her, but I made it happen, […]
Last night was really scary. I’m 18, I’ve had suicidal thoughts off and on for over a year now, but lately they are pretty relentless. Yesterday I was having them all day, I’m not even sure why. I also just relapsed with my eating disorder. Every day I either restrict calories or eat and then make myself sick. I threw up twice yesterday. When it came time to go to bed I could not think about anything other than killing myself. I started to drift off and as I did I started picturing everyone who knows me going to my funeral and reacting to my […]
I’ve been on a slippery slope for months.
I have a health problem that has driven me demented, lLiterally have not been able to relax or think straight for so long now and there is nothing anyone can do to take away this mental anguish.
I feel close to the edge. I have a beautiful Family and Friends and had a fantastic life before the onset of this ailment but now I feel the day is coming where I can’t carry on.
I am so ashamed to do this to the ones I love, but I’ve reached a point where I am beyond coping, my lust for life […]
what is wrong with me , this may sound stupid and worthless but im so sick of people walking all over me , what have i ever done wrong to get hurt so much in my life, im 15 years old and i think i might be devolping bi polar disorder, i always put an act on infront of others, when im around my family and friends i act happy and im the most cheerful person ever but when im by myself at night times i cry , sometimes even cry myself to sleeep. i have cut a couple times but not deep enough so […]
here, i am.
on the top of this building, again.
i’ve hesitated, i’ve believed.
but nothings getting better, for me.
i jump, free fall.
But i realize its not free at all.
As i look into my families eyes
As i watch my bestfriends cry
As i watch him scream in pain.
As i watch them throw me in a grave.
But i have already jumped.
I hit the ground with a final thump.
i open my eyes.
i see the pain begin
I have payed the toll.
And watch the devil burn my soul.
So I’ve been dealing with depression for awhile, and it’s been in different forms each time if that makes sense? Like meaning the way I see myself and others around me. Beginning in highschool and through it I had a rough time dealing with others, by my junior year I was into death metal and planning on getting a gun to kill everyone in school. Even now I’m not as shaken by that statement as I should be and that’s what lead me to my next part of depression. By my second year of college I was alone, sure I had family and friends who would see me, sometimes […]
I am loved and I have done nothing good in life to deserve it
by mike.persson
written by mike.persson
I am new to this site but clearly, spending just a few minutes reviewing posts and the fact that I even landed on this site makes it clear that I have a lot in common with most of the audience here.
My challenge is that most of the posts are about being blamed our being bullied or about others not perceiving you as being good enough etc….. which I cannot identify with. The reason I hate myself and see no reason for being around is that I hate my depressions and my sadness - people looking at my life from the outside would envy the life I have, would envy […]
“In the end
As you fade into the night
Who will tell the story of your life
And who will remember your last goodbye
Cause it’s the end and I’m not afraid
I’m not afraid to die”
I’ve been really angry and full of hate lately, It makes me feel like crap when I take my issues out on the people I’m close to because nobody knows about the thoughts I’ve been having except the people on suicideproject and one person I know who doesn’t talk to my family and friends, I guess because they don’t know how I feel they don’t get why I’ve been […]
I am 17… And I completely hate my self … I hate the fact that I am black , that that I am female that I am tall…. That my mind is the most perverted thing in the world…. But I am so loney… I am not looking for sex just some one who I dont have to talk to, some one who gets me completely… Who shares the same view point of the world… I have a best friend and others friends but I can’t get my self to actually care about them … If they died today I wouldn’t even care….I had this […]
I’m angry at myself. I wish I had begun laying the groundwork years ago – had pushed my family and friends away, been a dick so that they wouldn’t care. Now I am stuck.
This was originally a much longer post.
Until I saw other people getting responses whilst you cunts ignored ME.
Thanks for proving me right. There’s no one who gives a fucking shit about me here, either.
Fucking cunts.
I don’t quite understand why it feels so much easier to write about my problems then to say them out loud I suppose it’s like my thoughts are my own little secret I mean that’s what your mind is for right? A space where you can detach yourself from reality if only for a few moments and go somewhere.. be it a memory or completely make up.. But no amount of day dreaming will save me from myself, Let me start off by saying I am now 19 years old to be 20 in August and have suffered from clinical depression for 4 years, I […]
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