My therapist says he thinks I am addicted to torturing myself… What does that even mean??? I don’t even know what that is supposed to mean or how it is supposed to make me feel, but it makes me feel like a loser whiny 8!tch. I didn’t initially want to get into my recent flashbacks because I felt so stupid for still having flashbacks 15 years after the $h!t was over. I just want to know if any of you understand what he means? Maybe I am just a stupid fat c*nt anyhow. I feel like such a loser.
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I never haven’t had a chance to tell very many people about this, but I am into something which is known as autoerotic asphyxia and it is not easy to talk about this and unlike other people who claim to be into this claim that it gives them a “high” and they don’t really want to die, but I think that’s bullshit and they are lying! With me, when I get hit with this intense desire, I don’t just want to experience a “high”, but I actually want to hang myself! Also, I want to be totally nude when I hang myself and then I […]
I thought I was okay today. But the darkness brings bad memories. I can still feel their hands all over me. I feel like I can’t breathe and the voice inside my head is telling me I shouldn’t be.
Just please someone tell me how to make it all stop. How do I not feel them all over me? How do I push away the voice? How do I learn to not fear the darkness?
I swear I want to live. But I can’t live if I am going to be this mess forever………
Can anybody tell me something the makes me feel like there is still hope?!
Just […]
I am 20, almost 21. I have attempted suicide 7 times in my life, from the time I was 7 on. I don’t like human instinct, my body seems to find the right way to stop me from dying or someone that I love shows up and stops. I am supposed to be a business owner for a company my boyfriend wanted to start, but everything is in my name and whenever something he does goes wrong he blames me and lashes out verbally at me. I have tried a bag and belt over my head, sleeping pills, antidepressants, anti anxiety. . . but it […]
I’m generally not one to post about my feelings and life goings-on here, but … I don’t know. I just feel the need, for whatever reason.
I’ve been feeling so … “blah,” lately. I wouldn’t call it a serious bout of depression by any means; I guess there are just a lot of things piling up and it has me down.
This is largely due to work. The past couple of months (and few days, honestly) have not been good. My employers seem to be doing everything in their power to piss me off, for whatever reason (one I can’t figure out considering I have been there for […]
so i didnt sleep last night
and i feel kinda energized
manic again i guess
talked to my friend online from egypt all morning
she’s fine she said just a agruement with her guy i heard
sounded more like fighting to me
but whatever.
i’m sure whenever i lay down and be still i’ll go to sleep
however i dont really feel like it.
i am curious about how long i can stay awake now
everytime i sleep i have wonderful sometimes scary dreams
i wish i could stay asleep for….ever though
but i guess being awake is a high too.
We fight and fight to stay alive. Our thoughts always going back to “no one cares” “they are better off without me” “my death would be a blessing to them”. But even though the thoughts are there we fight and fight. We climb to stay alive. But it seems now adays that if your an out cast or your alone or you have a mental or physical disability then your a freak that shouldn’t share the same space as those who are ” better”. I sit here and I see it all the time. Someone says “I’m lonly and depressed” someone would respond “no one […]
I remember when I first started posting here, I was lost, very depressed, and lonely. I always thought, “I am not going anywhere in life. I just want to turn 20, live on my own, and kill myself!” After being on here for a while I started to feel a bit happier, soon after I began therapy and started to fell more happy, more confident, less lonely, I started being more hopeful about the future and had plans for what I want to do. But here I am again, a few months later and I am back to being depressed, I have isolated myself and […]
its not an easy life i live its far from it, the fact that i hear voices telling me i’m going to die and they are going to come after me till i die is extremely petrifying and that is just the tip of the ice berg i live in constant fear that someone is trying to kill , that someone is in the house trying to get me, i always hear foot steps as if they are right behind me, im scared to sleep of even shutting my eyes for that matter i don’t sleep for 3-4 days at a time till i pass […]
the epitome of suicide ideation…i’m in the process of writing about mrs. woolf stuffing her pockets with rocks and walking calmly into a river….it’s called ‘The Pratfalls of the Avid Rock Collector’ and would really appreciate some feedback from likeminded ppl….holla @ me if u feel like helpin a ***** out
he was supposed tto call me like 3 days ago, n his phone’s been off, i know he said he was thinkin boutt checking himself in, but i feel he would’ve told me……i know alot of u have beef /w him, none of my bussiness, dont want any posts perataining to this either plz, just drop a line if u know anything please
That about sums me up I suppose. Although how I feel normally is just well below that. Holidays tend to make me feel even more melancholy, Valentines is no exception to that. Just that like many, issues with women tends to be one of my largest problems, so a day specifically shoving relationships in your face is a nice extra special twist of the knife.
I used to think pretty highly of myself. I’m tall, I was in ok shape. No adonis by any stretch of the imagination, but neither was I grossly out of shape. Bit of a tummy, but unless I have my shirt […]
I miss the girl I used to be. I don’t like the person I see in the mirror anymore. She is even more broken than before. All I see are my scars. Nothing else pushes past them. But I am not in the painful bliss like I used to be. It is almost as if the pain from them has just dissolved into me. I don’t feel anything on the outside anymore and all of my emotions and thoughts that used to keep me numb are focused on the pain of the past. I’ve gotten so used to the pain just being on the outside. […]
Sorry in advance for any spelling errors. I’m writing this on my phone.
Hey guys! How’s it been going? It’s Lucy! It’s been a long time, hasn’t it ( Holy hell it’s been since September :O )? I wonder how many of you actually remember me 😛 So I’ve got some catching up to do.
First of all the reason why I’ve been absent from this site for so long is because I’ve been going to a therapist and she tells me to remove myself from the negative influences around me. I was a bit pissed in the beginning but it made sense. I deleted […]
I find every thing about life exhausting. The daily interactions with other people, all the expectations and obligations. Every aspect of living takes more effort than it is worth. The work the effort we have to put into this existence its just far more than we ever get out of it. I have this secret fantasy, of getting sent to prison on a life sentence. Where I get to serve out the whole sentence in solitary confinement. Just 24/7 locked in my little cell, never seeing anyone else. Just slide a meal tray through the door once or twice a day and leave me alone. […]
im debating whether or not to kill myself simply because i dont think anyone is there for me like im there for them and i just feel so alone. i dont know if im becoming depressed or not but everyone in my life is constantly making me feel like a sad story and that im not good enough and that i dont belong there . But judt to let you know i probably wouldnt kill myself beacause i dont have the guts to do it. id probably just try to pull the trigger and break down crying.
Its stupid i feel like this
I shouldnt need anyone
I shouldnt feel this lonely all the time
I shouldnt depend on anyone
I want to be strong and not depend on them
But they make me feel nice when i talk to them
But its rare now a days
The moments where we actually talk
They want to be left alone for hours
But all i need for hours is human contact
I wish they noticed
That i need them so fucking much
But they never do.
hello all…im new to this site hopefuly itll help somehow..even thu im not sure whats gonna help me anymore..
im filling up surveys and stuf…and it all shows i have severe depression and needs to be under treatment asap…
anyways…my situation goes like this..im 22 yrs old male..and im unemployed and ill just..cut it short and say i cant handle things anymore..
i once could..now i cant it just a feeling i have idk how to explain it..each day i feel worse cuz im depressed..each day i thinks of how killing myself and ..one day soon itll happen i know it..i feel it..
im ..pretty paranoid person…as a result […]
Money. It’s truly evil. Or in some part evil. I’m sitting here thinking to myself that if I had money, just maybe I wouldn’t feel like my only escape is death. I’m trying not to give up but, shit, winter is just dragging my ass down. I can’t escape from this hell I’m lock away in because going outside entitles freezing my ass off… With no car, it’s extremely hard to get anywhere… You would never guess that a vehicle is almost the most important thing, next to a place to live. I’m pretty much poor… Boyfriend can’t get anywhere to work so his mom […]
So I don’t know if anyone would remember my previous post, but it was about something that happened between me and a guy twice my age while I was drunk. I’ve let that consume me in a way. I’m scared that I don’t remember everything that happened. And I kow he wouldn’t have had sex with me but I don’t know if I remember everything. And I know my school thinks more happened without know what happened. This whole situation sucks. It makes me feel like such a whore and I don’t know what to do. It’s been over a year since I happened and […]