I have a sort of big decision to make relatively soon. I hate change, I hate it so much, but it would save me money. I just don’t know how comfortable I’d feel living this way, with other people, when I’m already the world’s most passive push-over. I also pace a lot and need room and time to do that, so I don’t think that the other people I would be living with would like that. I’d also hate for them to figure me out and realize how I truly feel, how dead inside I am and how much this existence bothers me. I don’t […]
So then internet, this is something new to me but something i feel i need to get out of my system.
I’ve had a very privileged life, i’ve travelled the world to some amazing places all in the hope of truly finding out who i am as a person. It’s 5 years later and i feel further from finding that answer than ever before.
3 years ago i tried to kill myself whilst in Asia. Overdosing and cutting myself silly. That didn’t work and i was rescued by a fantastic couple who for one of them had been in the same situation previously in their life. This […]
I was raped when I was 12, but nobody knows about it I tried telling my parents but I ended up telling them I had lied because I blammed someone for it, who wasn’t who did it, it was my grandpa who raped me and I can’t seem to bring myself into telling my parents because I know they won’t believe me and I would be judge but every day I wake up wishing I was dead praying for cancer or a brain tumor, I’ve tried suicide before but all it did was make people judge me and make me feel worst, I play happy […]
I don’t feel sad when I think about suicide lately. It just seems ok, good even. I am not upset anymore… Is that bad?
I downloaded Metallica’s Ride the Lightning album last night after falling in love with an 8-bit rendition that was posted to Youtube. While washing the dishes this morning before work, I put the album on and was immediately taken in by the energy that the wall to wall sound of early Metallica radiates. Great album top to bottom, but the standout track is Fade to Black. It’s not enough to read the lyrics; you have to go listen to the song and hear Hetfield crooning to really feel the weight of the words. He had this to say about recording the track:
“I wrote […]
Hi people.
It’s great to know that there are people that feel just as shitty as I do. I have a more personal blog where I rant about how I keep delaying “The Grand Event” and how there is always some tad of hope I have in humanity. Life,though always makes me regret even being conceived to begin with. I’ve been looking for a method to leave fast and painless I cut,but I’m not cutting to deep.
I know you understand me.Being a 20 year old female, South African.I don’t have much support of this side.My only way is out.
Here is one of my blog entries in […]
How can you tell how you feel about the one you love,that is hurting you and you can’t handle it, when the only person you can talk to is the one that you love the most?
I’m 15 years old. I just started cutting. i feel like my life isn’t really worth it anymore. i have contemplated suicide. i even looked up medications that i could overdose on. i almost committed suicide Friday morning. I’m not one of those people who justseeks attention because if you want attention, don’t go about it this way. if anyone understands pain and guilt, that’s me.
im a 20 yo male. ive been feeling this way a while now, it doesn’t seem to be getting better. i have friends and family that love me just as much as i love them. as much as it hurts though, i don’t think they can fix the way i feel. i don’t feel control over my emotions like i used to. i have good days, then i have days where i feel like im falling much too fast to be caught. no hard drugs here, just pot. i think it helps me. i don’t want to depend on it though. i have support, i […]
Ah god I am stupid….it hurts so much ….
I figured out too late that I don’t want to die ._.
What am I doing in here and not going to go call 911? Easy I’m too much of a retard and coward who would rather die I guess than seek help ….man I’m stupid.
I swallowed twenty Tylenol pills and even though I tried taking myself out of it I still did it …. I’m so stupid god I’m stupid.
I’m so tired and I feel so icky and ugh….my head hurts….my stomach hurts too. I tried puking them out and yet again […]
Listening to certain pieces of music instantly triggers anxiety attacks, my mood worsens in just a few minutes and I get those thoughts that I would actually like to avoid. The pieces aren’t special or particularly high quality, it’s rather the fact that I listened to them for a period of time when I felt really bad and thus my brain associates it with these kind of emotions. I can actually trace some songs to the time and reason of feeling bad, which is kind of funny since I was listening to music to make me feel better and now it does the exact opposite. […]
i hate myself so goddamn much and i just want to take all the pills in my fucking cabinet. everybodys going to end up hating me and leaving me like they always do. there’s no point in me even living anymore and no point of me trying so hard not to relapse with the cutting and stuff… it hurts so bad to fell this way and to sit here and cry and hurt while everybody else is so happy. i hate that anybody has to feel the way that i feel but i deserve it…. i need to die…. i want someone to kill me… […]
i’ve always felt abnormal .Now i am 18,and i still do. I think i have bipolar disoder,body dismorfic disorder and depression.thats not a good way to “start” my adult life.even though i am miserable inside,my parents an twin brother dont suspect about it.I’m pretty sure it is beacause i try my best to look normal.well,i am fucking tired to pretend all the time.I am fucked up!I know that i should just tell them what i feel,but i cant do it.So i feel trapted in my onw head.Suffering alone.
I’m gonna try and make/keep a pledge this winter to not feel the cold loneliness of winter and the holidays. Of course I will feel lonely, but I want to try my best not to make excuses to why I’m so lonely, blaming it on the cold and the holidays. I don’t want to be desperate for some one else to be there. I don’t want to provoke sympathy from others by claiming “the winter’s are so lonely, they are the worst”
I want to make a pledge to be strong and endure, unshaken. I won’t let my mind be taken over by the cold […]
I wish I didn’t feel the physical effects of depression. Lethargy is the worst–you can’t do anything and yet you can’t tell anyone why you can’t do anything. This entire weekend I’ve done nearly nothing, but why should I do anything anyway? All of our existences are inherently meaningless, our lives will end and we will all be Nothing. Truly, nothing in this life actually matters at all. And yet we go about as though we have a purpose (well, most people do anyway, I suppose people like me do not) and believe that life is beautiful and sacred when it isn’t. Life is just […]
That’s gonna be my next tattoo the second I get paid next. “Life goes on”
I want the message to sink in, once and for all. It’s what I need in my life right now.
I strongly feel that this is only something a person has to figure out for themselves. You simply can’t convince some one that their life goes on..you can tell them but will they instantly believe? I don’t think so in many cases.
I wouldn’t ever tell someone life goes on, I can only support them if they feel it’s true or at least if they want to have faith that […]
I may be young but my life is crumbled.My problem is not as serious as you people who take drugs and cut themselves because you are seriously hurt.I just feel like a piece of s***. I keep smiling in my life holding back my real feelings but that just makes me feel worse it makes me feel like i want to explode! My friends are not my real friends my family only critisize my every move i have no freedom.i feel like i want to die. I told myself that if i go through this hardship then god will reward me with heaven.but no. I […]
Sorry for all the posts today.. but i needed to write this down somewhere…
I’ve been having these slight and subtle flashbacks to who I was and how my character was before all this mess took over.. I can almost feel that person trying to lighten my spirits.. it has me in tears
Is it real? Or another hallucination.. I’m afraid to let it lead me. I don’t know if it’s the devil in disguise, waiting for me to let my guard down.
How did I even get to this… why did I ever come here? And when I’m not here, why am I this […]
This may be my last post not because I’m going to kill myself. As my drs and social services don’t think I can cope anymore and they are right. They think my mental health condition is not manageable in the Community or like a psychiatric hospital. So they looking at sending me to a therapeutic Community. I really don’t want to go but got no Choice over the matter. I know I cart cope with the life I’ve been given feeling suicidal is just one off many problems I’ve got to deal with on a day to day basis. I wish I could be a […]