This is my first time being on this site. A friend of mine that I just met, told me about it. He gave me his stories and I gave him mine. We are both happy that we met each other to remind ourselves that all of us still have a reason to live.
I have been a big fan of music. It has been my inspiration and helped me throughout my life. For my future, I would like to save people’s lives through making music for anyone that feels the same way as everyone.
I am glad to say I will […]
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I had a pretty good day today. I felt somewhat happy all day. It was a nice cloudy day and I’ve been happily enjoying my body and the lack of anxiety and depression that it feels today. However, I ran into an old friend at a restaurant and we chatted for a few minutes. I really hate talking to old friends because we have to summarize the last amount of years in a few sentences. I felt unaccomplished and having to tell him that I have basically done nothing with my life in the past years makes me feel annoyed and my anxiety crept back […]
It really is kind of hard to look at everyone around you and wonder what your purpose in life is. It’s difficult when the people around you think that they are so flawed, but in reality, they are the very idea of literal perfection.
My friends think that they are ugly and unattractive, but they don’t even know how it feels like to be me. My friends think that they are dumb or stupid, but they haven’t even begun to see my half-dead brain cells. My friends think that they have no special qualities, the only thing my brain can even think about is freaking self-pity.
Sometimes I feel like you’re just with me because you’re loney and need someone to talk to when it comes to you, but when I need you, you’re not there for me you just say, oh, I’m sorry, but then theres times I feel like you’re actually with me for me but that’s very rare now.. Like when you get mad that i don’t reply or call but that’s because I’m doing something or helping someone but you still get mad regardless which is something I don’t understand but you can do it to me and not expect me to get mad or cry.. […]
I dont even know what to write here, im so lonely, i dont know where home is. Im so embarrassed about how i get when im upset. Im weird and it feels like nobdoy could possibly love me. Its 4:43am and im always awake at this time, i dread the sun coming up so badly every morning. I sleep all day and that helps but at the same time i think it’s not doing me any good. I haven’t worked in like a year. I just dont feel alive, all i crave is to be held but girls dont even like me, im not ugly […]
There is no more reason to continue. I see no more hope.
My friends are gone.
I’m about to loose my brother.
People are out to humiliate me.
Today I lost my job, because I got angry about the abuse of equipment (they haven’t got that big a budget).
I don’t know how to continue anymore. People simply don’t care about me anymore. There’s only so much caring I can do until I need some care back, from wherever it comes. It hasn’t come for a while now.
My heart feels like it’s shredded, burned and trampled on. My life just keeps getting more and […]
I don’t particularly want to kill myself, but it has become the only practical solution. I believe some people aren’t meant to make it in this world, and that I am one of them. I learned how to pretend and act normal socially, but I can’t maintain it. When there’s no one telling me what to do, I just sit there, so I find it very hard to pretend to have a personality in a workplace or in order to maintain any human relationship. For a while, it works, because I can listen to other people and run around and have fun, and talk to many […]
The satiety center in my brain is on overdrive craving entertainment, but my appetite for joy is like anhedonic quicksand enveloping every attempt at satisfaction. I have been searching for something, can’t really say what it is.
At times it feels like I need social interaction, but nothing really curbs that needy feeling. I can hardly talk to my closest of friends. My old internet community doesn’t feel welcoming anymore as I pissed the majority of them off (imagine that =P.). I can’t find a place to call home really, not any longer at least. I sought out an old girlfriend, our relationship formed into […]
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Over the months I have been trying to become more social. I went through a suicidal phase at the end of last year for about 3 months and it feels like its coming back. After being separated from work for “not fitting in”. Its tough for me to fit in with people that wont understand. I am a ex-army medic and how will they understand… we cannot show them… Tossed in the trash by the people you defended is pretty good reason to not be here anymore. To think I would have given my life for these people.
I’m an 18 y/o girl from England suffering from depression, I think its mild/normal but to me it feels severe as I’m sure it does to everyone. I’m on anti-depressants and I thought they were helping but today I feel worse than I have in so long, I’ve been searching suicide and came across this site. I’m also wondering whether to get off the pills because I don’t want to rely on them, but counselling hasn’t helped either.
I’m bored of my life, I feel like I will fail my a levels this June and if I don’t get into uni I don’t know what […]
I have an event to go to on Tuesday and it’s kind of a big deal. I’m getting an award. But my producing partner just had her marriage of 10 years blow up and instantly started jumping into rebound sex with some actor who she plans to take to the red carpet event.
I should mention that she’s pretty damn attractive. Tall, thin, blonde, straight… she’s going to look great.
And here I am now not wanting to go because I’m going to be stag, and I’ve never hated my body more than I do right now.
So here I am genuinely looking online to find a non-sexual […]
Sometimes I scroll through the project and read all the different titles, but never read any further, nor click on any links. Just now I saw consecutive headings saying ‘Rest in peace my dear friend’, ‘My Daughter’, ‘Should I do it tonight?’ and ‘Clarity’. Its funny how they all make a little timeline, a little story even though none of the posts are related. They all make me wonder just how similar and different all our problems are. I suppose it’s all just scale though, isn’t it? Two things could seem so different, but when compared to something that’s completely ‘out there’ the first two things would seem […]
My counselor told me that I need to spend time with people, that I’m alone too much. So I’ve been trying to spend time with people, people at school, people at work. I’ve been planning stuff with buddies and spending a lot of time with people who I can call buddies. The problem is that I still don’t feel right. See, before this I was always down and depressed and alone, but when I wasn’t alone I would sometimes (rarely) talk about my pain to people who I kind of trust (I don’t trust very much or very often), and I would feel this connection […]
Why dose life suck so much I swear I’m ready to die just need the courage to call it a day it feels like iv lived a whole life time at 26 my mind feels so old I guess like an old person just counting down the days to die iv had enough I’m tired of fighting im physically mentally and emotionally drained The life has literally been sucked out of me I’m just a walking shel just going though the day hoping a tragic accident will happen to me it’s a shame the pills ain’t how they used to be
my whole life feels like i’m living a lie. i wish i could run away from it all. most nights i cry myself to sleep, sometimes i want to die, but i’m always so damn depressed. school is hopeless. nobody cares anymore. i need to get away. get away to a place that i can finally belong. why does everything seem to make it worse? people pretend they care but i know they don’t give a shit. i’m sorry if i sound like a whiny ***** but i need an outlet for my pain…….
every time I wake up, the very first sentence is ” I hate living”.
Today it was “Am I dead yet ?”
I got a roof and something to eat, but I spend all my time alone here in my room. But it makes me feel safe, it makes me feel good doing everything I want with no one here to see me.
Yesterday I was really ready to kill myself, something deep down drove me to take a damn knife and end it all, but then I couldn’t.
I called some line where you can talk but the person didn’t said anything that hasn’t be said.
I want to […]
This is one of my favorite songs to listen to when I’m down. I hope that you all like it. Stay safe everyone.
-BloodShallShed
Hmm… I can’t exactly be sure why I decided to come to this site, to post about it… But i need to get it out and off of my chest to people who i don’t know. I don’t want my friends and family to know how i feel.
I’ve been depressed as long as i can remember. I remember as a little kid crying and asking my mom weird questions such as
“How do you know if you’re depressed?” “What is depression” “Is depression feeling sad all day?”
I was probably only 6 or 7- but my dad had very bad depression so it wasn’t not talked about […]
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