I have been fighting depression for 3 years now. I have made attempts, but always failed. My doctor claims I am a walking miracle. But I truly don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to die I know in my heart I truly don’t. I just cant shake this feeling of despair. Like I cant ever be happy, Ive been trying for 3 years! sometimes Its hard to convince myself that I’m stronger than suicide. And Lately, Its been more of a challenge. I want to get better, not waste away in the dirt. Ive sought help, but I feel almost worse about […]
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fighting
I just can’t do this. I keep trying and trying to just BEAR IT but I can’t.
I can’t bear it. Is this really what’s going to finish me off? THIS is going to be the reason my life ends? Over someone who doesn’t love me? That is one of the stupidest, most childish and facile things I have ever heard and yet it’s my life, it’s happening to me, I never thought in all these years struggling to stay alive with my disorder, praying sometimes I’d wake up in the morning, the loneliness, the money, jobs and time (so much time) all lost, the defeats […]
I’m am currently fighting with my one of my best friends over the fact I’m suicidal. I was stupid enough to send a drunken message to my ex, who sent this message to my friend who is now fighting with me because he thinks of it as weak. JEEJ ME , THIS WILL SURELY MAKE ME LOVE LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN,…. NOT.
tonight is my last night. i’ve already said goodbye and I’m sorry to my mom. but she refuses to accept it. i told her to make sure my note is read by all the people it concerns. she’s in disbelief. my father doesn’t allow me to be upset.
i can’t live with him. it will only be arguing and fighting forever. nothing will get better. and i can’t live without him.
I’m going to see my grandparents one last time tomorrow.
im in the middle of drafting my note. i want to make sure i say everything i need to say.
I’ve tried everything. there […]
So my dad’s found about my self-harm and suicidal stuff
And I have to go a counselor every Tuesday
Does this mean everythings starting to heal? Or will everything I’ve been trying to build (my life) crumble back to dust back when I first got depressed? This is probably my paranoia, Â just don’t know what’s gonna happen
I feel like I can get better, but my family is constantly fighting and it gets so bad I have to actually leave for hours at a time so I can just get away, I’m lucky I don’t pass anything I can use for self-harm, I don’t even know […]
i’m actually so totally done. i keep fighting with my mother, and i can’t get along with any of my friends unless we’re getting high together. my dad, the most important person to me and my only hope to get out of this hell with my mom, has decided he doesn’t want me full time. i’m now way behind in school and i’m late every class and i can’t seem to get anything right.
i’m 14 and i already am willing to die. if someone handed me a gun right now, i’d point it at my head and shoot. but life isn’t that simple and i’ll […]
I’m kind of partial to old movies, especially Film Noir and B-horror/Sci Fi from the 40’s and 50’s. On the 9th of December Kirk Douglas will turn 98 fucking years old (if he lives that long). I hear he’s a damned lecher and a womanizer – in fact as I recall just a year or so ago he was accused of sexual assault. You would think someone with as much money, fame and fortune as he has could at least keep his shit behind closed doors – I mean (and not to be crude or crass) he could buy any elite hooker on the planet […]
My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot lately. It’s always my fault. I get mad at him for no reason. But it feels like a reason to me. I’ve been thinking about it lately. I don’t know how I feel about him anymore. We loved each other before. He still loves me. I haven’t been able to tell him whole heartedly that I love him in weeks. I told him tonight I don’t even think about hanging out with him anymore. I didn’t tell him I can’t imagine a future without him. I don’t know what to do. He asked me to marry […]
I don’t think I can do it anymore.
I’m tired. I’m so tired. Of fighting myself, of struggling, of not sleeping, of my thoughts, of the loudness, of the pain, of the medication.
I just wish that my brain would be quiet. It’s too loud. Everything hurts.
please
make it stop
I am so tired of fighting… Fighting against the pain, fighting against these stupid thoughts and insecurities. I am tired of having to justify why I am not able to do things in allotted time due to my physical difficulties… If I don’t mean anything, why do I exist… Can’t I just go to sleep and never wake up again…
I’m tired of it all. Tired of everything. im sickand tired of hoping, of trying, of fighting foranything anymore. I don’t see the point. I’mtired of people saying things get better, sayingthat xyz will happen just be patient. I’m tired of people not understanding-of just saying I’m overreacting to little things. I’m tired of notfitting in, I’m tired of hating myself, I’m tired ofhating people, I’m tired of hating life. I’m tired of everything in life being sugar coated, I’m tired of the lies, I’m tired of false hopes. I don’t want to do it anymore. im just so tired and done with everything. i don’t want to think anymore. i don’t want to be me, i dont want tolive life, i dont want to be in this life or this world. im tired of just trying to keep myself from reaching an actual point where im ready to follow through with suicide.
i dont want to be. i just want it all to stop. idon’t want to deal. i wish i could just putmyself in a self-induced coma. i dont want tobe stuck alone anymore in this body with mythoughts trapped in this world. i cant do itanymore…i dont even know why im not throughouly suicidal right now. i can’t do it anymore….i don’t want to do it. i don’t want to try or pretend to be okay for some period of time just to end up right back here again. i just deceive myself and latch on to false hopes and stupid fantasies to get by…im done
i can’t take it anymore
i don’t know how to cope
this isn’t a goodbye
i hate goodbyes
but this is close to it
i don’t know guys
itd be so much easier
than to keep fighting
to just submit
into the darkness
its getting to too much
i don’t really have anyone
to talk to about these things
i mean yeah i have friends
but they don’t know the whole story
and i don’t want to tell them
and my parents yeah i could tell them
but then id have to sit down and have
a long talk with them and i can’t do […]
Before I throw it all on this table, let me begin by telling about myself maybe it’ll give you a bit of perspective.
I was born in the early 90s to mediocre town I northern finland. My ‘family’ consisted of me, a father, a mother and an older brother. Travelling back there in my head sickens me. My childhood, if you can call it that, consists of bitter memories of my father ripping my hair off even from a slightest, honest mistake, like filling the dishwasher in a wrong way, or hitting me so hard that my ears rang just because i’d gotten a bad […]
I was smoking at the window. Then I “saw” myself lying dead on the road. No blood. I saw myself from behind just dead and for the first time since I’m thinking death should be a solution to my problems I got the courage (I felt an impulse) to jump. I was feeling good imagining me jumping from the window. I’m still afraid from that feeling. My life is just a piece of shit and I found no ways to get rid of my frustrations. Years studying, getting good grades and fighting against a chronicle disease that have ruined my life and only gave me […]
I walk upon this lonely road in a garden of the damned,
Where everyone will sleep one day and the ones who want to rot.
Their flowers wilt and spoil and brown from famine;
It isn’t true when people say they haven’t fought.
There’s blood among roses and posies and wildflowers,
And you don’t need thorns to make it so.
They slowly bleed up to the final hour;
Then nothing can save them and they feel alone.
There’s blood in the leaves and blood in the trees, everything decked in crimson,
No one seems to notice – except us, we do;
I wonder if they’re […]
….the bottle
The pills will make you insane
And if you don’t maintain your feelings
Your brain has already found a way
Instead you watch your hands shaking
The room is spinning, you’re getting dizzy, losing focus
And your thoughts are filled with images of a man in a red suit
Whispering ugly truths…
How did you get lost?
How did it get out of control?
You were on a right path
Then you turned left
Spiraling down a rabbit hole
Digging again another grave
Don’t make rock bottom your home
And tears are okay
Keep filling the jar
It’s been rough but not rough enough […]
It’s hard to be at home, when all my parents do lately is fight with eachother. Â It’s usually about money or dad misinterpreting mom’s expressions into anger, and then becoming angry himself. Â After which he tells her that she’s been angry lately, with an ‘I’m right’ tone, which she denies because she’s not, and then he keeps going at it. Â I try and intercede, telling him to stop, that he’s wrong, and just trying to get them to stop fighting. Â Then he yells at me, telling me to stay out of it. Â The dinner table turns into a bubble of silence, weighted by tension and […]
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