I give up. I can’t live anymore. I am doing it within the next hour. I hope a of you find happiness in your life’s and figure out what you want to do in life and where you belong. I know where I belong and it’s dead. Stay strong everyone and goodbye. I am killing my self very soon. And I have been pushed to my breaking point
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Sorry this is somewhat long-ish, but I really need help with this?
So, I was going to make an appointment with my doctor sometime this month because I actually want to find out what exactly is wrong with me. Whether I need to been diagnosed with anything else. If I actually have something serious with me. The whole shebang. Because my mood is up and down constantly throughout the day, and no it’s not “just being a teenager”.
I mean, today in my Geography I was in tears walking to the room, and refused to speak to anyone for fifteen minutes. (I’d already had a breakdown in the […]
It’s 6am here and I’ve been awake since 1am. I go to bed very early and love to get up and go on the computer during those blessed early morning hours when the rest of the world is asleep. That’s pretty much the only time I feel anything approaching to contentment and relaxation these days.
I’ve yanked up the pep pill dosage and have been rewarded with a little window of enjoyment. I know it will quickly be replaced with the anxieties, frustrations and despairing thoughts that every day now holds for me, so I might as well make the most of it.
My elderly ma is […]
For as long as I remember I was frightened. I feared other people as I wasn’t nearly as good as any of them. Then I joined the military and I was more scared. But then I started drinking and the fear left me. Being gay in a straight world (and a drunk) is not healthy. I was very frightened others would find out I was gay. My gay relationships were few – with occasional encounters – and after each encounter I feared people would know and I would have to leave the military. I never talked about my sexuality. Then through my alcohol addiction and a “disastrous” night I was […]
Why do I bother. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results…….then I need to stop trying and give up hope. I continually reach out and make efforts to improve my circumstances with the same fruitless results. I am so sick trying to find my place in this world and always getting shot down. If I don’t try and nothing happens who cares, it’s not like I risked anything. I need to accept my fate, my role here or lack thereof and just ride it out gracefully until there is a better way out.
This post isn’t about having a bad day…It’s quite the opposite, actually! I’ve noticed that SP has become quite a staple in my life. Aside from one thing that set me off today, I’ve had a marvelously wonderful day. This is actually the first time that I’ve been happy for an extended period of time in…well, a long long time. I am currently content. I’ve begun to find some motivation to do the things that I need to when previously my depression had kept me from doing them.
SP, I owe you. I am happy.
He said that he doesn’t trust me to have our baby and maybe he’s right. He think I will let something bad happen to her.
I’ve considered all of the options. All I wanted was for us to be a family. But he said I’m not good enough to have his baby or to be his family. I feel cold and numb. I have no one. He was the only person who ever loved me. I can’t live without my daughter. I can’t have an abortion. I will never be OK with that. I can’t let her live without me. She’ll think it was her fault. […]
It’s the little things that matter most in this world. The smile from a stranger.. Good advise from a friend.. A fond memory of weekends spent laughing and nothing else.. It’s the little things we share together that mean something. And it’s the little things lost that create the greatest void and the harshest confusion.
When you left, you vanished into thin air..and when you did.. You forgot your towel.. It was just sitting there, so I figured you would come back. But then after a short while, I discovered you left your phone on the table. That can’t be right…you sorta forgot to give […]
Today was the first day in several months I woke up NOT feeling severely suicidal. I’ve been trying really hard to break through these feelings of worthlessness and find a way to make a life for myself no matter what the cost. But it’s clear to me now that everyone absolutely fucking despises me and I deserve to be in a box underground. The first thing that happens is I log into facebook and my brother’s wife (one of the only people in my life) logs off IMMEDIATELY when she sees i’m online. Second, I ask a customer service person where to find royal mail boxes […]
I thought I was just depressed because I wasn’t active enough, so recently I’ve been hanging out with old friends and I got a job and started working out but even though I’ve made all of these steps I still feel depressed and suicidal almost every day. I still want to end this pain that I can’t find the source of and still want to shoot my stupid face.
I fucking thought that I could be helped and that I could find the solace I’m looking for but, no matter how many people I can bond with, no matter how many girls I aimlessly flirt with, […]
I’m walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind. Don’t get too close it’s dark inside, it’s where my demons hide: drink until they stop screaming your name. I’m down to my last drink, time to sell my things. Pack my bags and never look back. Run a parallel line with the railroad tracks. Make my getaway. How the hell did it end up like this? Why wasn’t I able to see the signs that I missed and try and turn the tables? I would stand in the wind, I was free like water flowing down under the warmth of the sun. […]
To all my brothers and sisters going through rough times keep your head held high you made it to this point without failing.Hell something brought you to this website so theres got to be a reason youll still breathing. Find hope and learn to live happily i know shit always seems bad but youre strong enough to make it through. just think youve been through a whole lotta of other shit so you might as be able to withstan some more. find faith in yourself and bear through the storm youll be glad you never gave up. 🙂
hello. I’m kaelyn. I’m 15. this is the part of my story that isn’t so great but i figured that I need to start somewhere.
my parents were 18 when I was born. they weren’t together. I want born into a freakishly religious family. I am not religious at all.
anyways.
I think that the bad thoughts (hurting myself, wanting to die) began around age 8. my mom had a boyfriend who lived with us and my sister was 4. my mom worked all the time. her boyfriend was very abusive. one of the last things i witnessed him do was hold my mom in the air and […]
I lik this its lik a virtual diary n ppl wit the same mind cn help u n give u tips
The stories memories thoughts we write no one cn understand it unless they read this blog i find this a way to write n write n understand my pain more
Trying to find a place to stay out from Southern California. Let me know if maybe we can work something out and if you need a friend. I have my own personal income and can split some rent with you. If you think you might be interested just let me know and we can try to talk some more. Just hoping for a place to hang out with a friend.
Peace.
A few days ago, i was reading this article on this girl. She had committed suicide, no one wrote a review there was not an obituary, no one noticed that she was gone. I have come across many articles like that to be honest. People like us do not get recognized , we are probably not important. I’ve come to realization that I am not important, that no one would care if i was gone, that every cut i make should be deeper and deeper. William Shakespeare wrote “What greater punishment is there than life when you’ve lost everything that made it worth living?” I […]
I am looking for a way to commit suicide easily but i didn’t find a way. there is always hard to find a easy way even for dying. Life never give us easy choices, Life is giving me hard choices live with regrets as a looser or die. are these only options or there is another option but i can’t see it because there is so much darkness around me. maybe there is some other way , trying to find new hope trying to push my self for keep fighting not to loose hope. every day i wake up for finding new hope and every […]
It has been awhile since I thought about something remotely close to the end of my life cycle, but I don’t think I can see that far ahead. I doubt anyone can, unless, of course, one is terminally ill and the end is really nigh. In fact, things in my life have been so randomly confusing or misleading, that sometimes, it feels better to keep my eyes closed; to look inward beyond the void of nothingness; to find a piece of serenity through meditation; to feel the weightlessness of sleep only to wake up in what appears to be a dream. Sometimes, I wake up […]
Does heaven have a phone number?
Mommy went to heaven,
but I need her here today.
My tummy hurts and I fell down;
I need her right away.
Operator, can you tell me
how to find her in this book?
Is heaven in the yellow part?
I don’t know where to look.
I think my daddy needs her too,
at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes,
but I really don’t know why.
Maybe if I call her,
she will hurry home to me.
Is heaven very far away?
Is it across the sea?
She’s been gone a long, long […]
I feel so close to committing suicide, as if at any second I could just jump into the car and drive to my suicide location. I know I’m better off dead, I’m a nobody and when I’m alive I’m just a burden on my family and a scab to society but I feel death and I’m scared. I’ve always been a coward and it’s hard to accept that soon i’m going to inject myself with heroin and jump from the highest building I can find. I don’t want to die but I don’t belong in this world and there is no recourse for me. I’d […]